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Greg Behrendt Reveals: She Was Just Not That Into Me

TresSugar — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

He's Just Not That Into You became a bible of sorts for the single woman who didn't want to get blindsided by one more man who didn't call her back. Co-authored by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, it outlined the many things women tell themselves about dates that go nowhere, when really the answer may be. . .yeah, I won't repeat it.

The book that claimed it provided the "no-excuses truth to understanding guys" took some hits from critics who said that its premise - that women should just stifle their desires (to call first, to ask those men what's wrong, to express what they want) - adhered to an old-fashioned vision of womanhood. "Disguised as 'liberation,' " wrote one critic, in a typical slam, "the book espouses an astoundingly passive role for women in relationships: always the pursued, never the pursuer."

But in a standup routine Behrendt did in 2006, he revealed something interesting. Part of the reason he knew so much about men's excuses wasn't just because he was a man. "What I don't tell them," he says tantalizingly, about why he was the guy to write the book was that: "I'm also almost every girl in the book." To listen to a podcast of this standup and to find out what famous person he was obsessed with read more

Unlike a lot of douchebags out there giving advice these days (Steve Ward from Tough Love - I'm talking to you!), Behrendt admits he's been that guy, that is, just like the women he counsels who show they care too much - to someone who doesn't care back as much.

Apparently, he once fell in love with standup comedian/actress Janeane Garofalo, whom he refers to as "the female Kurt Cobain of her generation." How did he express his love? Through mix tapes, late-night drunk dialing, and a general "I'm giving you something - now give it back to me" vibe which, not surprisingly, made her respond to him by "drifting away from [my] freakiness."

This piece of information puts a refreshing spin on the seemingly gender-rigid ideas in the book that bugged critics. May I suggest something, Greg? How about an excerpt of this for an afterward to the next edition of He's Just Not That Into You? Or write a book that talks to both sexes? To listen to this revelation, go to The Moth Podcast.

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The Dos and Don'ts of Dating According to Greg Behrendt

DearSugar — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 09:00:00 -0800

The day has come - He's Just Not That Into You is finally open in theaters, and I bet Greg Behrendt's series on dating and relationships has gotten you even more psyched to see it! But in case you missed any of our interview with the author himself, I'm here to recap the last two weeks for you. Enjoy!

As someone who gives advice for a living, check out what he says is the best piece of advice he's ever received here.
Technology has changed the way we do everything, so if you're curious to see how Greg thinks it's changed the way we date, click here.
It's a controversial debate - whether or not women should make the first move - so be sure to see what Greg has to say by clicking here.
Sex is a very personal matter, and choosing when to have it is a decision that's different for everyone, but what about sex on the first date? Does it mean your relationship is doomed? Or does it make no difference whatsoever? Check out Greg's opinion here.
We all make mistakes when it comes to dating, and Greg's probably heard every mistake in the book, so check out what he says is the most common one women make by clicking here.
Since He's Just Not That Into You was written over five years ago, one would think that he'd have a few things to add to the book if he had the chance, but see what he said when asked that question by clicking here.

Greg Behrendt on Amending His Book

DearSugar — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Things change with time and as we all know, hindsight is 20/20, which is why I thought for sure that Greg Behrendt would jump at the chance to add things to his best-selling book He's Just Not That Into You if given the opportunity. I was actually wrong, but if you want to understand his rationale, just read more.

Is there anything that you wish you could add to the book now, five years later?

I think we said it in there, but I think the thing that I think should be said in any self-help book is: "This is a book. This is one person's opinion. Take what you need and leave the rest." Some people tend to go to books and find some dogma or mantra - Liz and I weren't trying to start a religion, we simply put our point of view down and I think there's some really valid things in the book that are probably echoed in other texts around the world. It's all about honoring yourself. At the end of the day, you're responsible for your decisions. Don't let a book do the thinking for you.

To see more from my interview with Greg Behrendt, just click here.

Greg Behrendt on Common Dating Mistakes

DearSugar — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 06:00:00 -0800

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but when it comes to dating, I see women making the same ones over and over again. I know it's hard to see clearly sometimes when you're smitten with someone, but repeating bad behavior can quickly turn into a vicious cycle.

If you're curious to see what author Greg Behrendt thinks the most common dating mistake women make is, just read more.

What are some common mistakes that women make, and why do you think they keep making them?

There’s really one big one, and that’s hoping that somebody will turn out differently than they are. I always say don’t get a fixer-upper. You can’t put a coat of paint on a person.

To see more from my interview with Greg Behrendt, just click here.

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Greg Behrendt on Having Sex on the First Date

DearSugar — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Greg Behrendt feels that making yourself happy is what's most important when it comes to the dating game, but what about having sex on the first date? Women often have to deal with the double standard that applies to sex, (when you have it, how many partners you've had, etc.) but there are some out there who don't necessarily play by "the rules" - some women think sex on the first date is no big deal at all!

If you're curious to see how Greg feels on this one, just read more.

What are your thoughts on having sex on the first date?

I think if they want to have sex, yes have sex. I think if they're looking for a long-term relationship, they're rolling the dice. [People who it works out for] are the exception not the rule, because otherwise there would be so many married coeds. They would perform weddings in dorms.

To see more from my interview with Greg Behrendt, just click here.

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Greg Behrendt on Women Making the First Move

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 12:00:00 -0800

The jury is still out as to whether or not women should make the first move - some women love the power while others take the old-fashioned approach and wait for the men to come to them - but at the end of the day, it's really all about personal preference. After hearing some of Greg Behrendt's advice on dating, I'm sure you can assume that he'd have something to say on this topic too! To see how he feels on women asking men out, just read more.

Do you think it’s okay for women to make the first move?

Yes, I just think that the thing women need to keep in mind is most men, or at least the men that I know, were raised to ask people out so if a guy isn’t asking you out, it’s not like he doesn’t know he’s supposed to. On the other hand, yeah, I think it’s your life you do what you want. It won’t bother me what you do. As long as you’re happy, I don’t care how you get there.

To see more from my interview with Greg Behrendt, just click here.

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Greg Behrendt's Tech Dating Advice Is Good Stuff

GeekSugar — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 04:00:20 -0800

It's fitting that we should hear about technology affecting dating from the guy who wrote the book behind the movie He's Just Not That Into You, Greg Behrendt.

Drew Barrymore admitted to being confused by the integration, while Ginnifer Goodwin seemed to know how to play the game, albeit grudgingly.

Greg's feelings about tech (who's pictured here on the left in his cameo role in the movie) are more about how it can enhance relationships - but shouldn't dictate behavior:

I think that in your life you have standards for what you will or will not tolerate, what works for you. If you’re comfortable having an entire relationship on text, that’s up to you, but you basically teach people how to treat you. If you want a phone call, ask for a phone call, and accept nothing less.

To see what else Greg said, just read more.

You want to see somebody in person? Let them know. The great thing is, it’s expanded the way we communicate so it can be part of [it] - you know, sometimes when I’m doing something like this and I can check in and shoot my wife an email or a text and say ‘Hey, I love you, just letting you know. Busy, can’t really call right now.’ But if I did that all the time, it would be problematic.

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Greg Behrendt on Technology and Dating

DearSugar — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 10:30:00 -0800

It seems that most of you rely on text messaging when it comes to communicating with your love interest, but according to Greg Behrendt, author of He's Just Not That Into You, we can call the shots on how to communicate with our crushes. To see what he has to say about the role technology plays in the dating game, read more.

How do you feel about the role technology plays in dating these days?

I think that in your life you have standards for what you will or will not tolerate, what works for you. If you're comfortable having an entire relationship on text, that's up to you, but you basically teach people how to treat you. If you want a phone call, ask for a phone call and accept nothing less. You want to see somebody in person? Let them know. The great thing is, it's expanded the way we communicate. You know, sometimes when I'm doing something like this, I can check in and shoot my wife an email or a text and say "Hey, I love you, just letting you know. Busy, can't really call right now." But if I did that all the time, it would be problematic.

To see more from my interview with Greg Behrendt, just click here.

Greg Behrendt on the Best Advice He’s Ever Received

DearSugar — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Even if you haven't read the book, I'm sure most of you are counting down the days until He's Just Not That Into You comes out on the big screen! As a big fan of the advice that Greg Behrendt and co-author Liz Tuccillo dish out, I jumped at the chance to talk to the man himself to get the inside scoop on dating, the rules of the game, and how his book has affected women everywhere.

To see what Greg has to say about the best piece of advice he's ever received, read more

What's the best piece of advice you've ever gotten from someone?

The best piece of advice I've heard lately is a quote from Mike Tyson which is "Everyone has a plan until they get hit in the face." I think that's an interesting way of looking at life. We never know what's around the corner. I think it's your responsibility to make your life good. The most important thing is to look at what's actually happening in your relationship and not what you want to have happen.

Stay tuned because I have a lot more to share from my interview with Greg!

You Asked: He Texts but Won't Ask Me Out

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 13:15:39 -0700

Dear Sugar,

There is a guy that I've been talking to for five months now. We text message every day and he usually initiates the conversations, but he hasn't asked me out yet. He was in a messy two-year relationship so I understand that he might not be ready to start something with me, but his flirtatious messages leave me confused and I'm starting to lose my patience here. Does it seem like this guy is interested but not ready? Does he just see me as a friend? Or is he like me, waiting to be asked out? I analyze this situation in my head over and over again but can't seem to come up with the answers. Do you have any advice? - Aggravated Angie

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Aggravated Angie,

Talking via text message for five months without going out on a date makes me think one of three things. Either A) he has a girlfriend, B) he isn't interested in taking the relationship to the next level, or C) he's just not ready to be in a relationship again. It sounds like you're waiting for him to make the move, but instead of wasting any more time I'd just come right out and ask what his intentions are. I understand that we live in a very technological word, but as Greg Behrendt said, "If you're comfortable having an entire relationship on text, that's up to you, but you basically teach people how to treat you."

I hope you get the answers you need so you can either move forward in this relationship or put this man behind you. Good luck!

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