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Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

Girls Gather to Celebrate Kimberley and Sarah's Birthdays

PopSugarUK — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:07:48 -0800

Kimberley Walsh and Sarah Harding celebrated their 28th birthdays at Sarah's club Kanaloa in London this weekend, and were joined by band mates Nicola Roberts and Cheryl Cole. FabUK has the lowdown on what the girls were wearing and also wants to know: which member of Girls Aloud was best dressed? Cheryl brought hubby Ashley along (as well as her mum!) and the couple put on a united front following reports of problems in their marriage. Sugababes Amelle Berrabah, Heidi Range and Jade Ewen, Henry Conway, Kimberly Wyatt, Kris Marshall and X Factor choreographer Brian Friedman also attended. To help celebrate the girls' special days, take my birthday quiz on Kimberley and birthday quiz on Sarah. Happy Birthday!

To see more pictures of the all party-goers, just read more.

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Check out more coverage of the party over at InStyle UK!

House Rundown, "Teamwork"

BuzzSugar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 08:30:00 -0800

Prepare for a changing of the guard: This week's House marks a major shift for the medical team. House is back in charge after reclaiming his license, and the shakeups start. Cameron is out - but we already knew that was coming. In her place, a couple familiar faces return to the fold, which will hopefully distract House from last week's Lucas letdown. Throw in a porn star with a mysterious health issue, and you have a packed episode.

Ready for the breakdown? If you don't mind spoilers, read more.

The episode starts off with a special delivery - House's medical license. The guy was already pulling the strings despite his suspension, so the transition is easy. Still, I'm a little surprised that Foreman goes along with the takeover without making a peep.
After Chase finally came clean to Cameron last week about Dibala, she suggests that they leave the team to work on their marriage. They announce their departure to House - who, of course, spends the rest of the episode manipulating them to stay on board. Do you think he was right to meddle? Or should he have stayed out of it?
Really, writers? A porn star? I know they're trying to sex up the show, but it felt like a cheap ploy to me - not to mention a stretch when they draw parallels between Chase's Dibala dilemma and the porn star's own morality. Were you interested in his medical case? I wasn't that intrigued, but luckily there's plenty of personal drama among the doctors to keep my attention.
Thirteen returns - but not without some coaxing from House. After she tells him no repeatedly, he lures her in with the mysterious porn star case. The excitement of the challenge is enough to get her in House's office again for good. But what do you think will happen with her and Foreman? He implies that he's over her, but I don't buy it.
Guess who else is back? Taub! The doc swaps his plastic surgery practice to rejoin House's crew after some major prodding from House. (Of course his wife isn't happy with the decision, but no surprise there.) Are you glad to see Taub again?
Okay, so I was pulling for House and Cuddy, but the scene with Cuddy and Lucas at her place might have changed my mind - you've got to admit they looked cute on the couch together. Are you pulling for Cuddy and Lucas, or Cuddy and House?
House thinks that Cameron is quick to forgive Chase, because she actually blames House for the murder of Dibala. And she does. So with that, she says sayonara to her job and delivers a speech to House about how he's ruined Chase. She rips into him about how he doesn't care for the "sanctity of a human life" anymore, but she says it with pity - even kissing him on the cheek at the end. Next thing you know, she's packing her bags and leaving Chase, too. It felt sort of rushed, but I thought her monologue was completely riveting to watch. What did you think about her departure?

Plenty to talk about in this week's episode, so sound off in the comments! I'm especially curious to hear your thoughts on Cuddy and Lucas, Thirteen and Taub's return, and Cameron's goodbye. And don't forget you can always head over to the House! group in community to talk about the show there, too.

Photos courtesy of Fox

Ladies' Home Journal: The New Nicole Kidman Is a Woman's Woman

babysugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:00:28 -0800

Oscar and Golden Globe-winning actress, producer, and vocalist are just a few things Nicole Kidman can rattle off from her long list of accomplishments. But the role the gorgeous red head relishes most is being a mother and wife in her new hometown of Nashville. As country crooner Keith Urban's partner, she is happy to sit back for a bit and let the spotlight shine brightly on him while she spends the majority of her time raising their young daughter, Sunday. The 42-year-old mother recently took time to sit down with Ladies' Home Journal where she talked about her content lifestyle and her desire to give back to the community.

On living in Nashville:

I love living here. . . . It's a long way from New York and Los Angeles, but that's part of the attraction. I feel protected here, especially now that I have the baby. . . . There are certain limitations to my career because I'm based here. And that's cool. Keith has enormous ambitions, which I support. His tours and albums are much bigger than what I'm doing right now.

On how she cherishes her new life:

I was running from my life, in a way. . . . My imaginary life was better than my flesh-and-blood life. That's a sad thing to say, but it was. Now I love my real life so much it requires an enormous belief in a film to want to take it on. . . . I think that we're in the world to connect. Because that's what you're left with. You're not left with your houses or awards or money, you're left with the people that you built relationships with.

On UNIFEM, a charity she has worked with for years:

It's so they'll [battered women] have a place to call. A lot of women are so terrified; they'll go to the police or court and don't win. We can set up shelters and raise money. . . . I'm constantly trying to find new ways to give back. . . . Women are nurturers. There's so much we can do with the power of our feelings, the power of our sensitivity.

To see what the leggy lady has to say about being a strong woman, her past divorce, and her marriage to the hunky, honky-tonk star, just read more.

On how she was raised to be a strong woman:

She wanted us to have a sense of our place in the world. . . . She didn't want us to be shaped by our relationship with boys. She wanted us to focus on our intellect instead.

On how she and her sister Antonia made it through their divorces:

A lot of it was literally holding each other and listening. . . . Our motto is, "Just get in there. Don't retreat. Stay in it."

On her marriage to Keith Urban:

Keith and I have a very honest, profound marriage, which we both contribute to every day. . . . We have a phrase, "Does this contribute to the good of our union?" Because that's what's most important. I love being in love. I believe in the power of love, the way it can heal. The more you keep choosing it - because there are times when you can choose to be angry at the person or to love him - the more it nourishes a family.

Demi Has Lots to Say About Cougars and Marriage

PopSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 11:00:55 -0800

Demi Moore struck a gorgeous pose for the cover of December's W. She's the latest member of her extended family to pose for the publication, following Bruce Willis's saucy spread with his new wife Emma Hemming earlier this year. Demi is out and about promoting her movie with David Duchovny, The Joneses, as well as Happy Tears with Parker Posey. She sat down with the magazine to chat about her marriage to Ashton Kutcher and what she thinks of being labeled a cougar. Here's more:

On being married to a younger man: "I’m certainly not the first person to be in a relationship with a younger man, but somehow I was plucked out as a bit of a poster girl. . . I don’t know why that is. But I just kind of step back sometimes and say, 'There is some reason, and what is it that I have to share in a positive way?'"
On being labeled a cougar: "I’d prefer to be called a puma. . . [I] Twittered it out. People wrote back hilarious stuff, saying, 'I’m going to get T-shirts that say PUMA POWER.'"
On meeting Ashton six years ago: "The most overwhelming part of meeting someone that you already felt you had such a deep and old connection with is that your feelings are greater than the time you’ve had to actually be with one another. Now we’ve had the physical time together. The love he has for me makes me a better person by giving me the courage to take risks. I can fail and have someone who loves me just the same. I never knew it was quite possible."

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There are lots more photos at W's site, and the whole issue will be available on newsstands on Tuesday, November 24.

Jungle-Bound Katie's Abortion Revelation Upsets Peter

PopSugarUK — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:17:38 -0800

Katie Price enjoyed a pub lunch with Alex Reid in Brighton on Friday before slipping in to a sparkly red number for a book signing in Slough on Saturday, while Peter Andre presented an award at BBC Switch Live at the Hammersmith Apollo on Sunday. After Harvey was rushed to hospital last week, Peter was happy to report on Twitter: "Harvey is ok and out of hospital earlier today. I'm smiling. Thank you everyone for asking", but Pete is reportedly now furious with Kate for revealing she had a termination during their marriage. Alex, meanwhile, has been professing his love for Kate, while rumours suggest Kate is being paid £450,000 to return to the jungle where she met Pete for this year's I'm A Celebrity, which starts on Sunday.

To see more pictures of Peter plus Katie and Alex, just read more.

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Buzz In: What Are Your Hopes For the Mad Men Season Finale?

BuzzSugar — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 13:30:26 -0800

Tonight, the third season of Mad Men wraps up, and there couldn't be more characters and plotlines on a precipice. Last week, Betty told Don she doesn't love him anymore and got a marriage proposal from Henry, and Pete was looking close to leaving Sterling Cooper. The season has also been building up other situations that may come to a head tonight, such as Joan and Roger's relationship, Salvatore's unjustified firing, and the casting aside of Don's latest mistress, Suzanne, who seems to me to be a bit unstable.

There's rarely a happy ending on this show, but for some reason, I'd still really like to see Don fight for Betty; now that she knows he was Dick Whitman, they could have a chance to start over in a more honest place. In the meantime, I hope they resolve the Sal plot and bring him back - he has to come back! As does the show's resident bombshell, Joan Holloway, whom I predict must be returning to either the office - or to Roger's arms. These are my hopes for the season finale tonight; what are yours?

Photo courtesy of AMC

Mad Men, "The Grown Ups": This Week's 5 Maddest Moments

BuzzSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 06:30:10 -0800

Did you hear it? That was the sound of the Mad Men implosion, as the death of JFK on November 22, 1963, rocked the country and the lives of the show's characters. This season has been building up to the events of this episode, which felt more intense, more important, than next week's finale can possibly be. If there's an episode that has defined the third season so thoroughly, it's this one, "The Grown Ups."

Ready to talk? See this week's five maddest moments when you read more.

Death of a President: The timeline of the show has made it clear that John F. Kennedy's assassination is coming, but like those who experienced it, there was no way to prepare for it emotionally. So where is everyone when JFK is shot? Peggy is having a "nooner" with Duck, Betty is at home, Pete and Harry are talking work, and Roger's daughter Margaret is having a fitting on the eve of her wedding.
One wedding and a funeral: The show must go on, Roger decides, and Margaret's wedding still happens on Saturday night, with far fewer guests in attendance. I understand why they didn't cancel it, but as Joan remarks, "Poor thing." Margaret overcomes her marriage jitters and fit over Jane's extravagant gift and presence in her life, only to agree to be married the day after the President's shooting. That's pretty rough.
Downgrade: Pete is demoted so thoroughly at Sterling Cooper that he leaves work and tells Trudie he's been fired at first. Like Betty, the fact that he's already going through something jarring when JFK is shot only escalates his personal situation, and he stays at home with Trudie instead of going to Margaret's wedding. Shaken as well, Trudie tells Pete to start gathering his clients in preparation to leave the company. Pete seems shattered, and again, I enjoyed Vincent Kartheiser's nuanced performance of one of the show's most complicated characters.
Where's the love: A wedding and a violent event prompt everyone to re-evaluate their romantic relationships; particularly Don and Betty (their kiss at the wedding proves to be only passionate from one side) and Joan and Roger. That Roger calls Joan, just happy that she's home, says so much about his feelings for her.
The Proposal: "What is going on?" Betty asks both Don and Henry, distraught about the country's events, but that's exactly how I felt when Henry tells her in her car that he'll marry her if she leaves Don. Last week, when she got advice against divorcing him, I thought there was no way they'd split up, but now that Betty has this viable option, I'm actually scared they may divorce. As screwed up as their marriage is, their being together is one of the show's fixtures. Their separation would be like Sterling Cooper going out of business. But Betty sees things as having "no point" now, and she tells Don that she no longer loves him. I don't know what to think! Is it a coincidence that she was wearing a pink twinset like Jackie the day JFK is shot? Hadn't she just "lost" her husband in last week's episode when she discovers that Don is really Dick Whitman? In any case, it's completely disconcerting to see Don, sitting in his bedroom at the end, broken by Betty's dramatic disclosure of her lack of feelings for him.

Everyone keeps saying variations on how everything will be fine, it will all be OK, but we know from experience with this show that nothing is going to be fine. Whatever is to come, I'm so impressed by this episode; in the future, this will be the episode that you remember when you think of this season.

What do you think will happen with Pete, Roger and Joan, the Drapers? Will Betty take Henry up on his offer? And to talk more about the show later, join the Mad Men group in the community.

Photo courtesy of AMC

Aaron Johnson and Sam Taylor-Wood are Engaged!

PopSugarUK — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:51:00 -0800

Aaron Johnson and Sam Taylor-Wood are engaged! The 19 year old actor you may have seen in Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging and 42 year old artist Sam met when she cast him in her debut feature film Nowhere Boy, which closed the London Film Festival this year. Sam's spokesperson said:

"Sam and Aaron are engaged and very happy."

Sam used to be married to Jay Jopling, who dated Lily Allen after their 11 year marriage came to an end. Nowhere Boy tells the story of young John Lennon, and both Sam and Aaron have had fantastic reviews for their work on the movie. Congratulations to the happy couple!

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First Couple Had to Negotiate Their Roles in Marriage

TresSugar — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:00:00 -0700

Last night, President Obama spoke to NBC about how he and Michelle had a discussion about gender roles and marriage once they had kids. He explained:

"Michelle was trying to figure out, OK, if the kids get sick why is it that she's the one who has to take time off of her job to go pick them up from school, as opposed to me? What I tried to do was to learn to be thoughtful enough and introspective enough that I wasn't always having to be told that things were unfair."

Based on the Obamas's visibly happy marriage, and the new study that suggests splitting housework leads to a better sex life, it seems that sharing responsibilities for the family and house can only be a win-win for spouses. Still, the president admits that because she's a woman, Michelle still had to make sacrifices he didn't have to. Have you ever spoken to your partner about expectations based on gender roles?

To see video of the president talking about his relationship with Michelle, read more.