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Intimacy Device Helps Long-Distance Couples See the Love

TresSugar — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 11:43:34 -0700

No, not that kind of intimacy device; this one has glimmers of science fiction. But if you're in a long-distance relationship, some British researchers want to help you get more intimate with your partner. A new invention, dubbed Mutsugoto, allows couples to "communicate intimacy" by drawing with lights on each other's bodies. Sounds hot!

The device promises to go beyond phone calls and email by allowing people to "communicate through the language of touch as expressed on the canvas of the human body." But it's not as simple as reaching out and touching someone.

Here's how it works: couples wear touch-activated rings on their bodies, and a camera mounted above the bed reads the rings. When one person moves the rings over her body, the strokes are transmitted and projected as light on the partner's far-away body. When the strokes cross, the lines change color.

This device might be a creative way for long-distance couples to break their routines of communication, but video chats still sound a lot more practical to me. To see a video demonstration, read more.

Mutsugoto from Distance Lab on Vimeo.

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Where Do You Stand? Phone Sex

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

When you're in a long-distance relationship, face-to-face contact is sometimes hard to come by, which is why couples have to get creative in order to keep the romance alive. And luckily, with so many ways to communicate these days (text, email, iChat, and of course the phone) it's easier than ever to stay connected to your lover. So to all of you who spend time away from your special someone, tell me where you stand when it comes to being intimate over the airwaves. Is it something that totally turns you on, or are you too bashful for phone sex?

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You Asked: Did I Get Played?

DearSugar — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a long-distance relationship for seven months now. I just went to visit him for a week, and it was the most wonderful time of my life. We each felt as though we were an old married couple already, and we were making plans for me to visit again. We were very much in love (or so I thought) up until a couple of weeks ago when he stopped contacting me and basically told me not to bother contacting him.

I found out through a mutual friend that he asked a girl out from his work last week; apparently he's had feelings for her for a while. The same guy who left me a heart-wrenching voicemail while I was flying home, telling me how much he missed me, is now apparently dating someone else! I don't know what to do. I keep thinking I did something wrong while I was there, but my friends are telling me I got played. I really thought he was the one for me and I don't want to give him up, but I don't know how to handle this situation if he won't talk to me. Should I just wait it out or give up? - Baffled Brenda

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Baffled Brenda,

After reading your note, I can't help but feel like something is missing here. If you're feeling the same way, I'm inclined to say that you were unfortunately played. Like you, I'm not sure how someone can go from hot to cold so fast, but he did, so the best thing you can do is move on. This man sounds very manipulative, and though I'm not privy to your weekend together, I can almost guarantee his decision to turn his back on you is not a result of something you've done. I'm sure it's incredibly frustrating not to have answers to your questions, but you'll be better off without this man in your life.

Sometimes we get lucky in love and sometimes we don't, but try not to let this break your spirit. He clearly wasn't the right one for you, but someone else out there is. Good luck.

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You Asked: He's Taking Me Where He Took His Ex!

DearSugar — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We broke up once or twice, but got back together each time. During the breakups, we did see other people but those relationships never lasted long. I'm planning to visit him next week and he told me that he had planned a surprise. I was dying to know what it was so I kept asking him for hints. He told me he's taking me to a place that has a great view of the ocean in San Diego, somewhere a girl that he was seeing introduced to him. I got very upset by that and told him that I wouldn't be able to enjoy it knowing that he was there with a different girl. He's upset that I've ruined the surprise and I feel bad as a result. Was I overreacting? It really makes me feel uncomfortable when past girls are brought up. I appreciate his honesty, but I wish I didn't know some of the things he tells me. Is there a happy medium? - Want it Both Ways Bianca

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Want it Both Ways Bianca,

I'd be pretty upset if my boyfriend told me he was taking me someplace romantic that he's already been with another woman as well so no, I don't think you're overreacting. Though you appreciate his honesty, your boyfriend didn't use any discretion in his omission - some things are just better left unsaid. In an effort to avoid further hurt feelings, I think you should agree on a middle ground; what to disclose and what to keep to yourselves in order for you both to feel secure in this relationship.

At the end of the day, what matters is what you two have together now; not what either one of you did while you were broken up. That is something you're going to have to accept if you want this relationship to work so whenever you feel insecure, talk to him about it and get the answers you need, but try not to dwell on it - it's in the past for a reason.

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The Benefits of Long Distance

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Though I've mentioned the environmental concerns related to a long distance relationship, I know that being able to physically see the person you love is extremely important. Feeling like a major facet of your relationship is out of your control can be very frustrating, and missing someone is always a struggle. Together, these can make long distance relationships difficult, which is probably why they get such a bad reputation.

But there are plenty of healthy, happy, and successful couples in long distance relationships. So why not look on the bright side and come up with some perks to doing the distance thing? I've listed mine below. What are yours?

You get to have more time for yourself.
You're never the friend who's always with her boyfriend.
You might miss out on nightly sex, but when you do have it, it's really great.
You can actually keep up with your plan to eat healthy and work out more.

To see the rest and share your own, read more.

There's always something to look forward to.
You may not have a lot of time together, but the time you do have is extra special.
You have the whole bed to yourself!
You actually get to miss each other.

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You Asked: Who Should I Date?

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I met a guy recently who I see every week as part of a social running group. We ended up doing a recruitment project together and we hooked up twice. After the second hook-up session, he told me he "kind of" has a girlfriend in an on-again off-again relationship who lives far away. He told me he wasn't sure what was going on with them, but he said he really enjoys spending time with me. I really like him, but I don't want to put myself out there since I know he is attached. At the same time, I'm worried that if I start dating other guys, and he decides he wants to date me, I could end up hurting someone else.

There is also another guy who I have known for a few years, who I think is interested in me. He unfortunately lives four hours away from me so I don't know what to do. Should I keep seeing guy number one but not hook up with him anymore in the hopes that he realizes how good we are together, or date guy number two and see what happens with him? - Options Olive

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Options Olive,

From what you're telling me, it sounds like you're trying to decide between the better of two not-so-great situations. Since guy number one is playing games, I'd talk to him about the future of his on-again off-again relationship - perhaps he's just holding onto her for security. If he can't give you a straight answer, I think you should move on - you don't want him to continue giving you false hope.

If guy number two is really someone you think you could date, truly take the distance between you into consideration. Long distance relationships are tough, so if you're pushing something with him just to have a boyfriend, you might want to think about holding off until you meet someone close by.

Relationships should come naturally, so try not to push matters of the heart. Be true to yourself and your feelings and everything will fall into place.

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Relationship Protocol: Does Your LDR Make You Feel Guilty?

DearSugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

For the 37 percent of you who are currently in a long distance relationship, have you ever thought about how your travel to see one another affects the environment? If so, you might feel somewhat guilty about it, but after reading this Slate article, you definitely will! Planes and automobiles wreak havoc on our environment, so when you factor in how often you're seeing each other, you're only adding to our worsening environmental crisis. Now I'm not saying you should break up, but the environmental impact is certainly something to think about if you haven't already.

So is traveling long distances to be with the one you love something that you can relate to? If so, how do you manage it?

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You Asked: He Constantly Tells Me I Can Do Better

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. It's a long distance relationship and it's not always easy, but he makes me happy. There have been times, though, when he tells me that I could "do better" than him. I'll admit, he's not the greatest boyfriend sometimes, but who's perfect? The distance (2,200 miles) and the time difference (three hours) doesn't help either, and with such factors, it's sometimes hard to make time for each other. Even if he thinks I deserve better, shouldn't I get to choose to be with him for as long as he wants to be with me? I hate it when he tells me that and I hate it even more when he does things to push me away. I'm really happy, but I don't know if this relationship can work if he keeps thinking like this. How do I get him to stop? Can I get him to stop? What should I do? - Settling Sally

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Settling Sally,

I'm sure this isn't the answer you want to hear, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is trying to make you break up with him. It also sounds like your relationship is quite a roller coaster, as many long distance relationships can be, but it can't make you feel very secure to have your boyfriend continuously tell you that you can do better. Although he could simply be self-deprecating, my take is that he's just afraid to end it.

Since you've been struggling with the distance for two years, a talk is most definitely in order. Ask him where he thinks this relationship is going and be prepared to answer the same question. You say he makes you happy, but do you make him happy? Get to the bottom of why he's verbally pushing you away - deciphering whether it's insecurity or the beginning of the end is imperative. Once you figure that out, hopefully you can work together to build the lines of communication and change things in your relationship for the better, if that's the path you decide to take.

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: I'm Homesick!

DearSugar — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Homesick Hayden need your help. She moved to Canada to be with the man she loves, but is having a hard time adjusting to her new life. She's unable to work until her visa is granted and she feels alienated at home while her boyfriend's gone all day working hard to support them both. If you've ever picked up and moved someplace where you didn't know anyone, go ahead and tell Hayden what worked for you while you got settled.

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for sometime now. We had been doing the whole long distance thing but it just wasn't working anymore, so we decided that one of us had to move so we could be together. He has a house and a great, well-paying job so it didn't take long to decide that I was the one who had to relocate. Our relationship couldn't be any better, but the homesickness has hit me pretty hard. I've been here a month already but my visa hasn't been approved, so I haven't been able to get into the groove quite yet. Our place is a decent distance away from everything and since I have no mode of transportation, I'm stuck at home every day. I try to keep busy with dishes and laundry, cleaning all that I can and redecorating our home, but we've hit a snag financially so my design projects are currently placed on hold.

When I'm not busy, I feel lonely. I miss my family a lot and the homesickness has been getting worse and worse. Do you have any suggestions or insightful advice as to what I should do during this awkward adjustment period? - Homesick Hayden

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You Asked: Do We Have a Chance?

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I met a really great guy about three years ago. He's from another country and was in my city for a couple days because of work. We talked for a while and exchanged emails. We've now spent these years writing to each other and getting to know each other well, until last year when he suddenly stopped contacting me. Last month I found out he was coming here again (work keeps him traveling) so I wrote to him. He confirmed this and said we should meet up. We got together for drinks and had a blast - it was amazing! We spent all night talking. I realized I have true feelings for him, and dare I say, he likes me, too. But it's complicated as we live over 6,000 miles away.

Anyway, he left the next day and it's been a week and I haven't heard from him. As I was the one to ask him if he was coming over, I don't know if I should be the first to write again. But I don't want to lose him. I know he finds me attractive and he did say we had a lot in common. We both didn't want to say goodbye and hoped to meet again. He even said I was welcome to visit him anytime and that his family knew about me. Sometimes I think it's all in my head but sometimes I think this guy's for me and that he feels that too but he's unsure because of the distance. What do I do?

- Miles Apart Megs

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Miles Apart Megs,

Well, those kind of miles certainly take the term long-distance relationship to a whole new level, but it's certainly possible if you're both committed and as long as there is an end in sight. Obviously, there is a connection between the two of you if you've managed to stay in touch for so many years, and if you get the vibe that he has feelings for you, then you're probably right. But it does sound as if he doesn't see the possibility of a relationship as a reality because of the distance or another concern.

Normally, I might tell you to just move on and meet someone within driving distance, but you sound passionate and it's always worth trying. So reach out to him and tell him what an amazing time you had, and that you're afraid you'll lose him. Yes, it's taking a risk, but why not? He lives around the world - you have nothing to lose. If his reaction is casual and withdrawn, it'll be clear that he just wants to be friends. But there's always the hope that it will open up the doors to something more. Either way, at least you'll have your answer.

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