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Group Therapy: Are My Feelings Normal?

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I've been with my boyfriend for about four years now, since I was about 16. I moved away to go to college three years ago and though it's been tough, I have always been fairly happy in my relationship. However, lately I've been starting to feel really bored with him. I find myself looking or thinking about other guys more and fantasizing about my boyfriend less. My thoughts started to change when I got my first interview for a post-graduate job. Since then I have really been thinking a lot about my future, and I feel the need more and more to be single. I keep thinking that I haven't really experienced much and I want to try things.

This is my first and only relationship, so I'm not sure if these feeling are normal. I’m not sure if I’m ready to see my relationship come to an end because not having him in my life is too hard to imagine, but on the other hand I can’t stop having these thoughts and it's starting to affect me. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation, or something even remotely close, that can give me some advice?

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Group Therapy: Should I Move to a Different Country For Him?

Sun, 14 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I are in our 20s (I'm 23 and he's 25) and have been dating for four years. Although we have had our ups and downs, I am still crazy about him! He recently got a great promotion at work, but it comes with a big consequence: he has to move to London for six months to a year! Prior to his promotion, we were planning on moving in together, and I was ecstatic about taking the next step in our relationship. His promotion came as a shock to me, and I am now faced with the difficult decision of whether or not to move with him.

On one hand, I would love to live abroad! Plus, I hate long distance relationships and want to be able to see my boyfriend every day. However, I am hesitant to move to a different country without being engaged. While I have no problem living with someone prior to marriage, moving to a different country without a ring is scary! When I bring up engagement to my boyfriend, he says he wants to marry me but he wants to wait two to three years to get engaged.

While I understand his concerns (we are very young), I am also frustrated with the situation. If we both know we want to get married, why not get engaged now considering the situation (especially since it would make it easier for me to obtain a visa, medical rights, etc.)? After four years of dating, I do not see what the big deal is. So, what is your advice ladies? Should I move to Europe without a ring? Or stay in the US and try to make a very long distance relationship work?

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Group Therapy: Is He Giving Up on Us?

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I've been with my boyfriend for five years with a good majority of it being long-distance; I go to school in New York, and he lives here in Florida. While on summer break I've been living with him. This is the longest time we've spent together in two years. During the last three months we have come to realize we are very different and though it's been tough, we are working hard on our relationship.

But in the last week he has been really distant, and we haven't spent any quality time together. Tonight is the third night this week I'm spending alone (I have no friends in this area). Today, when I asked about us getting something to eat, he called his best friend to see if he was hungry and when he found out he wasn't, my boyfriend went to play a video game and proceeded to ignore me. I've tried to talk to him but I'm met with silence. I know it's only been a week of this, but I'm leaving in two weeks and I'm afraid this is going to continue. What should I do? Why is he being like this?

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Group Therapy: My Long Distance Relationship Is Driving Me Nuts!

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 03:00:00 -0800

I am driving myself crazy. My boyfriend moved away just over a week ago, and I am already crumbling. This might not even be a long separation, we're talking about being together again possibly by Spring, but the problem is he's been very busy. He is frustrated because he thinks I shouldn't be upset that he hasn't had very much time for me since he is just trying to find his bearings, however I am used to working and living with him and now I only get one phone call before bed. I know that he loves me, but I can't deal with such little contact. I'm afraid that if he falls into this habit now, it won't get better and I will suffer. I don't want to resent him or have him think I'm a whiny brat. I want to be with this man for the rest of my life, I love him so much and we are great when we are together. How do I get this all across to him? I've told him all this several times already, and he constantly apologizes and promises it will get better but it's not. And how do I handle this on my own end so I don't drive him (and myself) crazy?!

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Group Therapy: Is He a Commitment Phobe?

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 03:00:00 -0800

I need some serious help! My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for five years. We met in college, and have since graduated and are pursuing a long distance relationship. He is in law school and working at our alma mater while I moved back home to become a teacher. Recently I've been thinking about the next steps for our relationship, but am at a loss for words because we never talk about our future. He's a great guy, but I'd hate to be wasting time thinking the relationship is going somewhere when it isn't. When I try to bring up little hints, he quickly changes the subject and mentions something completely irrelevant to the situation. The last time we semi-talked about it, he kind of ended the conversation by saying that we were "too young"and he didn't feel that we should be talking about marriage yet. Talking about marriage is one thing, and I can understand where he's coming from with that (maybe), but is it a foreign idea to think about our relationship and its future? What's the big deal? Is this normal to just let a relationship "happen" without any discussion whatsoever of what we think is to come? Does my man have commitment issues?

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Group Therapy: Long Distance Dilemma

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 13:30:00 -0800

My current boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years now. Coming into this relationship I knew dating him would become particularly complicated after we got out of college and he began pursuing a professional career in basketball. We've had our ups and downs, but through it all we've managed to make a long distance relationship work for about a year and a half now. However, the relationship has been strained for the last couple of months since he decided to move to Europe temporarily to play in the Euro League and he won't be back until June 08 at the earliest. Our bond has started to slip and we find ourselves not talking as often as we used to, or when we do, we're finding that we're beginning to lose common ground.

To make things more complicated, I recently went on a trip with a couple of girlfriends and met an amazing guy and we really hit it off. Now, almost a month after we first met, we've kept in touch and he plans on visiting me in a few weeks. I'm not entirely into this new guy, but he's filling the emotional void that my boyfriend isn't fulfilling. At this point, we are just friends, but he has very clearly expressed his attraction towards me.

What's your opinion? Should I be patient and wait for my long-time boyfriend to return, or should I let him go and move on and date men who are more available and more geographically easy to get to?

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Group Therapy: Should I Trust His Promises to Move?

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 14:00:00 -0700

Hello all. I really need some good advice, so I would really appreciate your comments. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long while now, but we are not yet formally engaged. According to him, he plans to move to my hometown when he leaves the service, and he wants me to move in with him.

He reaffirms this idea practically every time we speak, but now I've heard from a mutual friend that he is submitting his resume to a contracting company that works in Kuwait. He hasn't ever even mentioned this to me. I am really annoyed at the lie more than anything. I feel like he is holding on to me while at the same time looking for something else.

I don't know how to bring this up or even if I should. I love him, but all this secrecy is making me insecure and it is driving me nuts. This is the first time I am beginning to suspect this long distance thing is not going to work out. I could handle it better when I thought he was coming here in December, but now I am afraid he might never come and that I am wasting my time. What do you think I should do?

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Group Therapy: How can I spice up my long distance relationship?

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years now. It's been to that point of boredom for a few months now. We fly out to see one another when we can, but it's expensive and neither of us really have that kind of money on hand all the time. We're both saving to move in with one another in a few months. But I'm afraid the boredom factor might travel with me when I move to Colorado (I live in California) to live with him. Due to the fact I think that we're both bored with the distance, I'm hoping it won't.

But how can I spice things up until the big move? We have a movie night every Monday, where we watch a movie together over the phone. But other than that, it's all pretty bland, we never really have much to talk about either. It's kind of like everything has been said and we're running out of things to talk about. I know a lot of people say to talk about your day and save stories for later to have something to talk about. But to be honest, I don't have a very eventful life. I rarely go out, because I'm trying to save so tightly, and when I do, there isn't much to say. I need help to keep this alive for a few months before I make this huge move. Any tips?

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Career or relationship?

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 09:57:16 -0800

I am a student about to finish up my law degree. For the past three years, I've been in a long distance relationship with another law student. He has one more year left in school. So, I am now faced with the decision to relocate to be with him or to pursue my career further. While I care about him a lot, several things about relocation give me pause.

First, he lives in a location that I do not desire to live in. In fact, he is interested in relocating after he graduates as well. I am tired of being apart and desire convenience, but at the same time, I don't think I'd enjoy living where he is. Plus, what is the point of relocating somewhere if I might have to do it all over again in just a year?

Second, practicing law isn't the most easily mobile job. I'd have to take the bar in another state. While I could use my degree for other jobs very easily, I would really like to try practicing law. Furthermore, all of my contacts have developed where I've gone to school and worked. If I relocated, I'd be starting from scratch and I'm pretty certain no one where I live knows anyone where he lives.

Third, he is a very outgoing person and has a million friends. I am not outgoing, and it is more difficult for me to make friends. I'm worried I'd move, things would be good for a short while, and then I'd be forgotten about a lot of the time. He keeps trying to convince me that this would not be the case, but I don't know if I fully believe him. We have been so used to being apart that I think being together may cramp both of our lifestyles.

My gut is telling me to get a job where I am now, and then to wait how things are in a year. But I am sick of being apart and it's taken such an emotional toll on me these past 3 years, especially in the high-stress enviroment of law school. Different people I know are telling me different things such as "don't ever move for a guy, follow your career" while others are telling me "if you really love him you should try to work it out" and "there's no way you can be sure things will work out unless you try it."

I am very confused and have been for months...any input at all would be appreciated.

How do I let go?

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 09:24:38 -0800

I'm in a long distance relationship. My bf goes to a university five states away, and I barely see him. When he comes back for holidays, he's always with his family and old friends. Sometimes, we would hang out but it's never enough time for me. I'm so jealous of my sisters' bfs who are always with them 24/7. I'm so depressed all the time since I don't feel as if I'm single or in a relationship. I already expressed my feelings to him and he keeps saying that things will be alright in the end and we'll be together soon, but I'm not too sure. I'm just so tired of being in this relationship. The only thing that is keeping us together is our love, but I'm just not happy. I've tried slowly not talking to him for a week, but I always pick up the phone and call him back. I can't seem to break up with him. My heart just doesn't want to. I'm in such a state of confusion. My brain is saying that I deserve a better bf who is always there for me when I need him, but my heart just won't let go of him. I don't know what to do. I've been in a LDR with this guy for 3 years now. And it doesn't seem like it's getting any better. Help!