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Are Video Proposals Online Cowardly or Cute?

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 12:00:42 -0800

Last night Tumblr users signed on to see "Marissa Nystrom, will you marry me?" bannered across their dashboards, whether or not they followed proposer Justin Johnson's blog. The link goes to this genuinely thoughtful, romantic, and well-edited video, but I presume his girlfriend follows his blog. So the only reason I can see to link the video to the world is to consummate its place in the controversial genre of public marriage proposals.

Public proposals seem unabashedly confident at first, but only the most heartless, unafraid-to-make-a-scene askee would say no. Put it on video and not only is he not asking her in person, but he's putting pressure on her to say yes in front of the largest stage of all. And when it's online, you can't leave your audience behind.

Robert Pattinson Believes in "the One" - Do You?

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:00:51 -0800

Twilight's Bella may find "the one," but Kristen Stewart doesn't believe he exists. When Pop's Molly asked Kristen if she believes in "the one," the actress defended her doubt saying that she doesn't believe there are "chosen ones" who find their soul mates and other unlucky people who don't. What does she believe? That different levels of love can be achieved.

Yet, when Molly popped the same question to Robert Pattinson, he had a very different answer. "Ahh, maybe," he said. "Yeah, yeah - I think so." Not too convincing, but more starry-eyed than realist Kristen. Could get awkward if they really are together, as they seemed to be in Paris last week!

Do you believe there's one for everyone? What if your partner disagrees?

Could You Quit Complaining For a Month?

TresSugar — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 04:00:00 -0700

There's nothing wrong with complaining. It's cathartic and even fun when done right. But there's a difference between filing a legitimate grievance with the universe and a mindless whine. I do the latter when I'm nervous about having nothing to say - I just start complaining! About the day. The weather. The last time I was here, and how I wish I were there. It's as tedious as it is pointless, and, besides, don't complaints breed complaints?

Don't worry, the irony that I am whining as I write this is not lost on me, which is why I am impressed that two Double X editors have vowed to refrain from complaints for one month. Or to try, anyway. Admittedly, they're using a "loose interpretation" of complaining and will adjust the definition as they go, but they've asked friends, co-workers, and family members to call out their kvetching for the next month. Could you quit griping for that long?

Source: Flickr User eye of einstein

Sexy Trivia! What Do You Know?

TresSugar — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:00:00 -0700

Strange sex facts are a great way to show your smarts in, well, very few situations. But you're in luck, because this is one of them. See what you know about some of sex's strangest, and most fascinating, questions.

Photo by Flickr User margolove

Take the quiz

Do, Dump, or Marry? Stephen Moyer

TresSugar — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 07:00:00 -0700

America's second favorite vampire has been getting a lot of attention with the beginning of True Blood's second season. Hot as a ghost-white vamp, Stephen looks even better with some color. What do you think? Do, dump, or marry?

The Case For Craigslist: Are Its Date Seekers More Honest?

TresSugar — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 14:00:00 -0700

Desperately seeking authenticity? Maybe it's time to ditch self-conscious, niche dating sites for the shrouded cloak of Craigslist. People there are anything but afraid to ask for what they want: "Looking for a fun woman to experiment with who likes Gossip Girl!" "Relationship in exchange for financial help." "Let's get married this year!"

But while Craigslist can seem sleazy, desperate, and even dangerous, writer Katherine Sharpe at n + 1 points out that at least users are being honest, unlike the folks with their primped pictures and rehearsed lines on Match. After all, how many people, she asks, can be "laid-back" and "not take themselves too seriously"? (Perhaps as many people who claim the The Da Vinci Code as their favorite book?)

Craigslist is the only dating site (that I know of) that hasn't morphed into a social-networking site, and so it's the only one to remain truly anonymous. It's honest and open - open all night! - and specific. So if you're looking for a fellow Gossip Girl fan who's uptight, hates long walks on the beach, and reads Kafka - Craigslist is your best bet.

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Can Being Unhappy Have a Purpose?

TresSugar — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 14:00:00 -0700

I say yes. Without a cup half empty, you could never appreciate it full. Like the stinging burn that tells you to take your hand off a hot pot, unhappiness slows you down, asks you to take stock and, hopefully, helps you to make decisions.

Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project agrees that unhappiness clues us in on how to be happier. She draws the line, though, at reveling in displeasure. "Some people," she says, "describe a pleasure, or a sense of purposefulness, in feeling sad. I guess I just don’t get that."

While it's easy to dismiss people who brood until they figure things out, it's not uncommon to wring all the pain out of a problem until there's nothing to do but move on. Ultimately, as some Zen adherents say, feel what you’re feeling, try to understand it, and make your goal to feel balanced rather than staying with the extremes of happy or sad. (One of their salutations I love: “Have an ordinary day.”)

What about you? Do you find purpose in unhappiness, or would you rather just make it all better?
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Is Oral Sex the New Kiss . . . and Prostitution the New Fear?

TresSugar — Fri, 29 May 2009 04:00:00 -0700

There's always a new study, book, or movie to tell us how fast kids grow up, but Oral Sex Is the New Goodnight Kiss (both a book and a documentary) takes it to a whole new level. Some girls, it seems, are causally consenting to prostitution.

Canadian filmmaker Sharlene Azam worked with teenage girls from ages 13 to 15 for four years in order to gain their trust, and they did not hold back once they started talking.

While the idea that oral sex is commonplace is not earth shattering, the girls said it was basically expected at the end of the date. Why? It's quick, easy, and doesn't take up much space. (Umm, OK.) But things get more shocking when they talk about stripping and exchanging sexual favors for a few dollars, new clothes, or the "privilege" to hang out with a certain crowd, especially guys.

The film stresses that the girls are all from upper-middle class families in suburban Canada, and one teen adds "I had a really, really, really good childhood." In fact, Azam says, the girls most at risk are the prettiest and from the most successful families. And, they're recruited by their friends who tell them about the benefits. Yikes!

Good Morning America asked several American teenagers to watch the film and talk about it yesterday. While accepting money in exchange for sex seems to be news to them, they confirm the pressure to keep a boyfriend is intense. Their identity is wrapped up in who they're dating, and most girls, they said, would do "anything" to keep a boyfriend.

To watch a clip from the documentary, read more.

Some Contemplate Mr. Right Now

TresSugar — Tue, 26 May 2009 15:19:39 -0700

Is it better to live with a less-than-perfect match than to be single? The question is often answered with a guttural and emphatic no in public, but privately, it's probably wrestled with more often than you'd think by those who have contemplated forever.

In an article in the Daily Mail, 38-year-old British writer Lucy Taylor said that she is close to settling for Mr. Not Quite Right But Will Do Because My Time Is Running Out. (I would really hate to be Mr. NQRBWDBMTIRO this morning!) If Lucy doesn't feel romantic love or physical attraction for this guy (two components required to reach the attachment phase), I wonder if marriage makes sense.

Maybe at some point, you have to ~~get practical and come to terms with the shortcomings of any relationship~~ settle. So if romantic love or physical attraction weren't there to begin with, is a long-term commitment possible or even desirable?

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Pull-Out Method: Better Than Nothing or as Good as Condoms?

TresSugar — Mon, 18 May 2009 10:00:00 -0700

About as good as condoms says a new study by the Guttmacher Institute. Of course, it's only true if pregnancy is the only thing you're trying to prevent. Condoms are still better than just about everything if you're looking to avoid STD/STIs.

The study found that the failure rate of condoms if used perfectly is 2 percent, but the actual failure rate is 17 percent. For the pull-out method, the same rates are 4 and 18 percent, respectively. So the realistic risk of getting pregnant is only 1 percent higher when using the pull out over condoms.

Overall, not great news, considering the threat of pregnancy has always been the best reason to ask a man to wear a condom without negotiating awkward sexual history talks too early. But what if you're responsible? Tests are done. Relationship is committed. And consequences? As prepared as you'll ever be. Would you regularly use the pull-out method? Or, do you?

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