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You Asked: My Friend Is Having Marriage Problems

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have a friend who was dating this great girl. Things were going well, but he had to move away for his career, and they kept up a long-distance relationship. He recently came back to her and they got married, but something had changed. He says that she’s avoiding being intimate with him. She rejects most of his advances and refuses to make any of her own.

He’s worried that she may no longer be in love with him. She behaves like a close friend or a mother, which devastates him because he’s so attracted to her. When confronted, she says it isn't him and that she'll try harder, but can't or won't offer any reasons for her distance.

He's a great guy, but he’s starting to have some real self-confidence issues. He’s finding all these things that are wrong with himself: He's too short, he's too skinny, he isn't handsome enough, he isn't home often enough, he pesters her too much, doesn't buy her enough expensive things, and so on and so forth. He's getting awfully depressed, and I swear he's going to have a hypertensive coronary explosion from all this stress. I don't like to see my friend unhappy like this, and I don't want him to have to come to me with something this serious. Please help me think of something to help my friend.

- Concerned Carrie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Concerned Carrie,

It's great that you are so sympathetic but honestly, the best thing you can do is to offer your support and a listening ear. The things is, there's really not much more you can do, since this problem is between your friend and his wife. You should encourage him to talk to her more, to get to the bottom of why she is acting so distant and uninterested in him. She's obviously unhappy too, so maybe she'll agree to go to couples counseling so they can work through this and repair their marriage.

If she refuses to talk to him or go to counseling, do you feel like she might feel comfortable confiding in you as a fellow woman and concerned friend of her husband's? Before you confront her, ask your friend if he'd be OK with you talking to her.

If he's not into that idea, just continue to be a loving friend to him. Encourage him to keep communicating with his wife. An emotionally supportive friend is really what he needs right now, so just keep doing what you're doing.

Source

Girls Gather to Celebrate Kimberley and Sarah's Birthdays

PopSugarUK — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:07:48 -0800

Kimberley Walsh and Sarah Harding celebrated their 28th birthdays at Sarah's club Kanaloa in London this weekend, and were joined by band mates Nicola Roberts and Cheryl Cole. FabUK has the lowdown on what the girls were wearing and also wants to know: which member of Girls Aloud was best dressed? Cheryl brought hubby Ashley along (as well as her mum!) and the couple put on a united front following reports of problems in their marriage. Sugababes Amelle Berrabah, Heidi Range and Jade Ewen, Henry Conway, Kimberly Wyatt, Kris Marshall and X Factor choreographer Brian Friedman also attended. To help celebrate the girls' special days, take my birthday quiz on Kimberley and birthday quiz on Sarah. Happy Birthday!

To see more pictures of the all party-goers, just read more.

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You Asked: We're Not Very Good at Sex

DearSugar — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been married for a little over a year. Both my husband and I waited until we got married to have sex for the first time. As expected, we aren't very good at it. Additionally, since we dated for so long before marriage, the passion we initially had seems to have died down. My husband does not orgasm and takes a very long time in bed. I am not satisfied, and we end up just stopping because we are so tired. It leaves me feeling upset that neither of us are satisfied, which leaves us both feeling awkward and not interested in getting back on the saddle so to speak. I think my husband has something called "delayed ejaculation," and he has promised to eventually see a doctor if he can't resolve this issue on his own. I am disappointed that I have never been satisfied in bed and don't know how to get there. Any advice?

-Out of Lust Lenore

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Out of Lust Lenore,

So you said that your husband doesn't orgasm. Does that mean he can never orgasm, or that he just takes a really long time to orgasm while having sex? If you suspect that he has delayed ejaculation, which means that he can't orgasm or ejaculate, it could be caused by a medical condition, such as trauma to the pelvic area or a side effect from taking certain medications. You won't know for sure though unless he sees a doctor, so this should be first on your list.

Delayed ejaculation can also be a psychological condition. Since you both waited to have sex until after marriage, he may have some issues with thinking that sex is wrong or sinful. If he feels like he shouldn't be having sex, then he's not going to be able to perform. Talk to him about how he's feeling, in a non-confrontational or non-judgmental way. You don't want him to feel like it's his fault, because that will only make him more self-conscious.

If it's not a medical problem, and it turns out that he's just nervous, then seeing a sex therapist or going to couples therapy would be really beneficial. They'll help your hubby get to the root of his feelings and give you some ideas as to how to spice things up in the bedroom. Whatever you do, don't give up or let the fire fizzle out completely. The more you have sex, the more you'll feel comfortable experimenting with each other. It might take a while to work out the kinks, but with open communication, patience, and the eagerness to try, I have full faith that you two will end up having a very satisfying love life. Good luck, Lenore.

Source

Speed Read! Jon Stewart Takes on Rogue Warrior Sarah Palin

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:30:58 -0800

Jon Stewart explains that his problem with Sarah Palin has nothing to do with her looks or her family. - Daily Show
Texas may have accidentally banned all marriage when it banned gay marriage in 2005. - The Frisky
Sexist man alive Jon Hamm is missing from People's Sexiest Men Alive list. - Best Week Ever
Conservatives are over Carrie Prejean thanks to her sex tapes. - The Daily Beast
Old law still bans women from wearing pants in Paris. Ouf! - Telegraph
John Kerry's daughter Alexandra was arrested on suspicion of DUI. - TMZ
Brush up on New Moon before you see the movie. - BuzzSugar
Literary Review's bad sex in fiction award. - Guardian
Computer nerds strip for charity. - Huffington Post

Nicole Kidman's Candid About Sexual Fetish and Tom Cruise

PopSugarUK — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 01:50:10 -0800

Nicole Kidman has given a frank interview to British GQ for their December issue, and posed in lingerie for the accompanying photo shoot. While yesterday's rumours about her teaming up with Robert Pattinson for Bel Ami have been quickly denied, Nicole did tell the magazine about her relationships with other men. She reveals her penchant for sexual fetish, opens up about Tom Cruise, and speaks about the challenges of marriage. Here are the highlights:

On Tom Cruise: "I became famous very young. I became very famous because I was the wife of somebody. I did a lot of good, worthwhile work in Australia between the ages of 14 and 19 and then I married someone famous... I know my agents at the time were like, 'Do not get married! It will ruin your career!' And I was like, 'But I’m in love!' All I know is that I wasn’t someone interested in fame. And that’s not why I got married."
On her explorations in love and sex: "My life has been about exploring types of love. I’ve explored obsession, I’ve explored loss and love in terms of being in a grief-stricken place, I’ve explored strange sexual fetish stuff, I’ve explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy. But I’m still on that journey."
On Keith Urban's problems with drugs and alcohol: "I don’t talk about that. That’s the sanctity of our marriage. Our relationship is pretty much off bounds and we really don’t discuss it except to say we’re very together. And you know, you work on it. It’s a very adventurous, extraordinary place to be: incredibly raw, incredibly dangerous and you’re very much out at sea. You’re exposed. You could drown. When you commit to someone like that you live and die together by that decision."

To find out what Nicole had to say about where her marriage to Tom went wrong, being a working mum, what she wants out of her career and not choosing the safe option, read more.

On the state of her relationship with Tom during Eyes Wide Shut: "[W]e were pretty happily married throughout that period. People will always watch the movie in hindsight and go, ‘Oh no, that must be where it all went wrong.’ I don’t want to say whether anything is or isn’t true any more. Listen, people can mythologise and think what they want, and that’s where it begins and ends for me. The rest of it is information. Some of it is isinformation. And some of it isn’t. I don’t care now at this stage in my life to refute rumours, or confirm them... We’ll see where it takes me and where it ends up but, right now, I quite like that abandoned feeling."
On refusing to talk about Tom and Scientology: "I want to honour that marriage for what it was, and there is nothing I would go into about that. I have never discussed the intricacies of it and I never will."
On filming Nine after giving birth to Sunday: "I'd just given birth, so i was like, 'OK, I'm [still] a woman – I want to do this film! And I do have a life other than simply feeding this baby.' I think when you give birth you get itchy to get back to work and you want to feel life still goes on."
On what she wants from her career: "I make films that aren’t everybody’s cup of tea, I realise that. I get it. But that’s where i am. if I were a painter I certainly wouldn’t be painting for the masses. And I’m unwavering on this. I want to take risks. I want excitement, danger and uncertainty."
On not choosing the safe option: "I have a career where I have had to weather the storms. It’s become second nature to me. I’m used to my roles and the movies I’m in being criticised. I seek it out. In my life i do not seek out a safe place. I like existing in an uncomfortable place artistically. People can believe this or not, but in the end I hope my life will be a mix of extreme love and bold artistic choices. I’ve never wanted to be safe. I’ve never chosen safe relationships. And I’ve never chosen safe films. I would have had a much easier life if I did."

Let PopUS know if you think Nicole is being refreshingly honest or over-the-top with her revelations. You can read the full interview in GQ, on sale today.

K-Fed Admits Marriage Problems

PopSugar — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 15:54:54 -0700

K-Fed admits his marriage to Britney needs work before baby number 2 is born next month. The two have reportedly been having problems since Sean P was born last year, and Kevin says their marriage is far from perfect because the two don't spend a lot of time together. So basically he is just admitting what we all knew was true but it's a step in the right direction for him. Besides, Britney did give him his own Black AMEX card so he must be doing something right.

More pictures of the aspiring rapper leaving the recording studio instead of time with Britney and Sean P so read more

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Ask an Older Woman: Help! My Friend's With a Married Man

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's question: One of my good friends has been seeing a married man for about a year. He also just happens to be her boss. When we get together, she bombards me with the details of their relationship. He tells her he's never been happier, and that he'll leave his wife for her soon (yeah, we've heard that one before!) and she seems to believe him. My problem with this whole thing is that not only am I sick of listening to her, and of course could tell her so, but I've lost respect for her. Is it wrong to break up with a friend who's doing things I find morally reprehensible? Is there anything I can do to get through to her that what she is doing is horrible for her, not to mention this man's wife?

Signed, Confused Friend.

To hear what an older woman has to say, read more
Dear Confused Friend,

Ahh, the folly of youth. For every bad relationship I bored my friends with, I in turn listened to details about men (or women) they were with who didn't deserve them. It's part of being a friend.

My best advice to you is to be honest with your friend. You don't mention if you've told her how you feel, or if you did, how she reacted. If you haven't, now is the time to start. Tell her you care about her, but you think that contributing to cheating is morally messed up, and that in the end she's probably just going to get hurt. (I guess "the other woman" sometimes ends up with the guy, but who wants to end up with a cheater?) Also, sleeping with your married boss? Pretty dumb. Do other people in her office know? This is not good for her professional life either. I'd tell her that, too, although it's hard to imagine an adult who doesn't know this.

If you really like this friend and this is the only thing she's done that makes you question her character, ride it out and hope she comes to her senses. There's only so much advice we can give people. If you've told her how you feel and she continues with this affair, that's her decision. If she steers you toward this topic when you hang out, just let her know you don't feel comfortable listening to it anymore.

Sometimes, though, if friends do sketchy things, those acts are a window into the rest of their sketchy selves. I had a friend who not only cheated on her husband once, but throughout their marriage, and I began to notice that her behavior towards him mirrored her behavior towards me and everyone else. She was selfish, narcissistic and unable to ever admit fault. We'd had fun partying together when we were younger, but as we grew older, I realized I needed to respect my friends. After a blowout fight when she said horrible things to me, I took it as my cue to get out, and I dumped her.

You're in a tricky situation, but honesty is the best policy. If you can't be honest with her, maybe you aren't really great friends to begin with, in which case slowly turning down her invitations to hang out and discuss him should send her a message. Good luck!

Amelia: Never Really Takes Flight

BuzzSugar — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 06:30:00 -0700

I love the way a biopic makes me feel - like I'm treated to a back-in-time look at an amazing life. They're epic, and that's why I'm willing to sit through the slow moments (and often for more than two hours) for the payoff. This is the experience I hoped for from Amelia, directed by Mira Nair and starring Hilary Swank as the pioneering aviator who was the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean.

There's plenty of opportunity for grandness, even though Nair chose not to focus much on the circumstances of Earhart's disappearance during her flight around the world. Earhart had an extraordinary life, eschewing social conventions for her gender and never giving up her one true love: flying.

Unfortunately, Amelia misses the epic mark and lands instead somewhere in the mediocre, underusing its cast's talents and history's treasury. However, it's not an altogether unpleasant journey, so to see my thoughts on the film, just read more.

First, the film is beautiful - Mira Nair knows how to shoot a gorgeous scene (she was behind the richly-styled films Monsoon Wedding and The Namesake), and she really takes advantage of the oceans, the landscapes of jungles, beaches, and moors. Much of it is seen through Amelia's eyes as she's soaring over it, and occasionally you feel the same freedom in flying that she so desires.

Along with the scenery, the minor success the film does achieve is ascribed to Hilary Swank's acting. I was expecting the two-time Oscar winner to be fantastic, and she didn't let me down. From transforming her looks to match the androgynous icon's to altering her voice to a Katherine Hepburn-ish gravel, she captures the pre-feminist aviatrix in all her glory.

The problem is that intriguing parts of Earhart's life are introduced but merely glossed over. For instance, Earhart's marriage to publisher George Putnam (played by Richard Gere) is complicated by the fact that she carries on an affair with Gene Vidal (Ewan McGregor). However, this affair is only briefly touched on (they meet, they kiss, it's suddenly over). For his part, Ewan McGregor is given little more than a cameo role, which is an unsatisfying tease for any fan of the actor.

While I'm on unsatisfying, if you've ever been fascinated by the mysterious circumstances of Earhart's death (she disappeared over the Pacific on a round-the-world-flight), you'll get no gratification here. Understandably, there's no speculation about what happened, but there's no closure either.

That seemed justified, because when this project was announced, it was reported that Nair wouldn't focus on the mystery, but Earhart's remarkable life instead. Unfortunately, there's not enough focus on that remarkable life to do the woman's memory justice.

Photos courtesy of Fox Searchlight

Ask a Divorced Woman: Can I Save My Marriage?

TresSugar — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 04:00:00 -0700

This week, a divorced woman offers advice to a woman struggling with her marriage. After you read her answer, be sure to check out our Group Therapy group where I found this question.

Today's Question:
I've been married for a long time, and last year around Christmas my husband told me out of the blue that he didn't love me. I asked him to move out, and he did in February. We started seeing each other again in April and he has now moved back in swearing undying love, and it does feel different as he is attentive, etc.

The problem I have is that he slept with a work "friend" when we spilt up, and he still works with her. She is looking for another job, but he is not because he is trying to get funding for an MA from his employer. I have aired my dislike at them working together. I just need outside input on the different paths I can take. Should I throw him out or just bide my time and wait. I love him but hate this situation.

Signed,
Confused

To see the divorced woman's answer, read more.

Dear Confused,

It seems like you are having a hard time trusting your husband, and based on what has happened, I don't blame you.

Your husband told you out of the blue that "he didn't love you." This statement makes it hard for you to trust that he won't just change his mind again in the future. Then, once you split up, he had a relationship with someone else that he still sees every day. While it's true he didn't technically cheat, I think you are completely rational for taking issue with this.

It is eating away at you knowing that he works with this woman and it will probably keep you from repairing your marriage. You can give it some time, but if after a few months she is not gone, you should tell him to get a new job. If he doesn't make an effort to get away from this woman, then you should question his level of commitment. I'm happy you feel that he is more attentive now that he has come back, but I think you need to spend more time focusing on your needs.

In the end, I think you should take things one day at a time until you determine whether or not you feel complete in the relationship. I'm sure you have a lot invested in this marriage, so don't feel guilty for trying to make it work. But if it can't work for you, don't be afraid to move on.

Signed,
A divorced woman

Group Therapy: So Many Issues ...

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 14:00:00 -0700

After two years of marriage, my husband and I finally bought our first house together a few months ago. Immediately, he stopped showing interest in sex, and started gaining even more weight (he was already overweight). He doesn't help around the house and I don't really mind, because I enjoy my wifey role. But even asking him to clean the cat box gets a groan - like it's so physical. This is combined with the fact that he stays up way past my bedtime to play World of Warcraft for hours, or he spends the evening on the couch. He hides his fast-food wrappers in the garbage like an addict, while I eat good food and remain very trim. We have gone around and around about the computer games, and the lack of physical activity and poor diet. I have tried to encourage a healthier lifestyle, buying good foods and asking him to work out with me. But he'll gain it back just about as soon as he loses - and he has a physical job. And I'm as concerned about his health as his appearance - the excess weight causes him to snore and he has no energy. The last time we had sex, all of which I've been initiating since we moved in, he lost his erection and we couldn't finish - a first for him. And then last night, he went off to play his World of Warcraft while I slept and the cat woke me up by getting sick. So I took her into the office and caught him masturbating. I have no idea what was on the screen, and of course my imagination is running wild. I'm a smart, sexy professional and I'm starting to feel very put off by him, and wanting to spend less and less time with him. What else could I be doing?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]