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Say What? Portia de Rossi on Why Marriage Matters

TresSugar — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 10:05:00 -0800

"The thing about being a gay couple is that in the past you referred to your 'wife' and there was quotation marks around it. There was always that chance that people would kind of snigger about it. But now it's fact, it's law. She's my wife. I get to say that she's my wife. And that's just the way it is."

- Portia de Rossi told Oprah yesterday why marriage matters to gay couples. Portia and her wife Ellen DeGeneres got married in August 2008 and they both appeared on Oprah's show to discuss their relationship and careers.

Which Will Be Legalized First: Pot or Gay Marriage?

TresSugar — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:00:46 -0800

Can you believe it used to be against the law in America to have a nice cold beer or a refreshing glass of wine? I can't! Perhaps that's what future generations will say when they look back at some of our more moralistic laws, specifically those banning marijuana and gay marriage.

Slate ran a piece yesterday arguing that America will soon get rid of these modern prohibitions. In fact, Maine is voting today on a referendum that would legalize gay marriage and another that would legalize medical marijuana, so I guess we'll get to test that thesis soon.

Now that we have a justice department that will not prosecute medical marijuana possession - not to mention a president who once said: "I inhaled. . . frequently. That was the point." - it's not such a stretch to think Americans might soon be able to get high without fear of the jail time. And while many states still have all-out bans on same-sex marriage, the public seems increasingly supportive of marriage equality. Which do you think has a better chance of becoming fully legalized first?

Front Page: Maine Voters Reject Gay Marriage

TresSugar — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 08:00:12 -0800

Voters in Maine voted to repeal legislature-approved gay marriage yesterday by 53 to 47 percent. - Politico
Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will host the Oscars together this year. - BuzzSugar
Michael Bloomberg has won a third term as New York City's mayor, after spending a record $90 million on the campaign. - New York Times
Convicted rapist Anthony Sowell has been charged with five counts of aggravated murder, as investigators in Cleveland, OH, continue to search for bodies in his home. - CNN
Roman Polanski's defense team will argue for the dismissal of the director's sexual assault case during a hearing to be held in US court on Dec. 10. - LA Times
Judge who disapproved of interracial marriages resigns. - CNN

Source: Flickr User Hodgey

Are Video Proposals Online Cowardly or Cute?

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 12:00:42 -0800

Last night Tumblr users signed on to see "Marissa Nystrom, will you marry me?" bannered across their dashboards, whether or not they followed proposer Justin Johnson's blog. The link goes to this genuinely thoughtful, romantic, and well-edited video, but I presume his girlfriend follows his blog. So the only reason I can see to link the video to the world is to consummate its place in the controversial genre of public marriage proposals.

Public proposals seem unabashedly confident at first, but only the most heartless, unafraid-to-make-a-scene askee would say no. Put it on video and not only is he not asking her in person, but he's putting pressure on her to say yes in front of the largest stage of all. And when it's online, you can't leave your audience behind.

News Flash: 92% of Iowans Say Gay Marriage Has Had No Impact on Their Lives

TresSugar — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:00:00 -0700

Despite Iowa's legalization of same-sex marriage earlier this year, 92 percent of people there say life has continued as normal. Surprise! Apparently allowing gay people to participate in an institution designed to stabilize society hasn't caused all hell to break loose or threatened anyone's "traditional" marriage (or divorce).

Ironically, this same poll found that Iowans are still divided about whether gay marriage should be legal - 41 percent said they would vote to ban gay marriage and 40 percent said they would vote to continue it. Certain respondents must not have cared about the cognitive dissonance required to say on the one hand, gay marriage has brought no change to my life, but on the other, I'm still opposed to it.

Do these contradictory opinions surprise you?

New Rules of Marriage?

DearSugar — Thu, 22 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Whether you're dating, planning a wedding, or already married, I'm sure you've gotten a lot of relationship advice from other married folks. If they've listed off any of the soft rules of marriage, you might want to do some new research. On a recent segment on The Today Show, Rosemary Ellis, the editor-in-chief of Good Housekeeping, shared some new and improved rules of marriage that you should check out below.

Old Myth	New Rule	Explanation
Never go to bed angry.	Sleep on it, but before you roll over in a huff, give your partner a six-second kiss.	If you're blood is boiling and you're frustrated with your honey, duking it out all night won't help. Though kissing before you go to bed won't necessarily solve your problems, it will remind you of your special connection so you can talk about it the next day with a clear and level head.

Want to see the other myths? Then read more.

Old Myth	New Rule	Explanation
As you get older, sex isn't as important.	There's no reason you won't grow more sexually connected.	The more comfortable you feel with a person, the more confident you'll be to ask for what you want and try new things.
As a marriage grows, you'll realize that you've grown apart and fallen out of love.	Marriages don't run on feelings - in order for them to thrive, both partners need to do their fare share of work.	Working through your differences and talking through your disagreements and issues will make your relationship stronger.
Couples who stay together have a lot in common.	It's actually the couples who don't have a lot in common who are often happiest.	You don't have to love doing everything together all the time as long as you do set aside time to be together. Also, having different interests is a plus because it'll keep you happy and secure as an individual, which can only benefit your relationship.
Every guy has a midlife crisis.	It's actually a "reinvention," and women go through it too.	Everyone's life goes through change. Maybe your career takes off in a different direction, or your children leave home, or a parent passes away. The first half of your life is different than the second half, but the second half should get better!

I don't necessarily agree with all of these "new" rules, but what about you? Is there some merit to these news ways of thinking about marriage? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Source

First Couple Had to Negotiate Their Roles in Marriage

TresSugar — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:00:00 -0700

Last night, President Obama spoke to NBC about how he and Michelle had a discussion about gender roles and marriage once they had kids. He explained:

"Michelle was trying to figure out, OK, if the kids get sick why is it that she's the one who has to take time off of her job to go pick them up from school, as opposed to me? What I tried to do was to learn to be thoughtful enough and introspective enough that I wasn't always having to be told that things were unfair."

Based on the Obamas's visibly happy marriage, and the new study that suggests splitting housework leads to a better sex life, it seems that sharing responsibilities for the family and house can only be a win-win for spouses. Still, the president admits that because she's a woman, Michelle still had to make sacrifices he didn't have to. Have you ever spoken to your partner about expectations based on gender roles?

To see video of the president talking about his relationship with Michelle, read more.

Ask a Divorced Woman: Can I Save My Marriage?

TresSugar — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

This week, a divorced woman offers advice to a woman struggling with her marriage. After you read her answer, be sure to check out our Group Therapy group where I found this question.

Today's Question:
I've been married for a long time, and last year around Christmas my husband told me out of the blue that he didn't love me. I asked him to move out, and he did in February. We started seeing each other again in April and he has now moved back in swearing undying love, and it does feel different as he is attentive, etc.

The problem I have is that he slept with a work "friend" when we spilt up, and he still works with her. She is looking for another job, but he is not because he is trying to get funding for an MA from his employer. I have aired my dislike at them working together. I just need outside input on the different paths I can take. Should I throw him out or just bide my time and wait. I love him but hate this situation.

Signed,
Confused

To see the divorced woman's answer, read more.

Dear Confused,

It seems like you are having a hard time trusting your husband, and based on what has happened, I don't blame you.

Your husband told you out of the blue that "he didn't love you." This statement makes it hard for you to trust that he won't just change his mind again in the future. Then, once you split up, he had a relationship with someone else that he still sees every day. While it's true he didn't technically cheat, I think you are completely rational for taking issue with this.

It is eating away at you knowing that he works with this woman and it will probably keep you from repairing your marriage. You can give it some time, but if after a few months she is not gone, you should tell him to get a new job. If he doesn't make an effort to get away from this woman, then you should question his level of commitment. I'm happy you feel that he is more attentive now that he has come back, but I think you need to spend more time focusing on your needs.

In the end, I think you should take things one day at a time until you determine whether or not you feel complete in the relationship. I'm sure you have a lot invested in this marriage, so don't feel guilty for trying to make it work. But if it can't work for you, don't be afraid to move on.

Signed,
A divorced woman

Authorities in California and Egypt Refuse Marriages

LibertySugar — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Some of California's most conservative counties will not be holding marriage ceremonies - gay or straight - citing inadequate resources for the expected influx of couples seeking marriage once same-sex couples are permitted to marry on June 15. Many are crying foul, as a local newspaper published emails sent from the Kern County clerk asking a conservative group opposed to gay marriage for legal assistance.

The Campaign For Children and Families wants clerks to deny same-sex licenses in counties "where the man-woman marriage ethic is strongest in California," until voters have their say on a November ballot initiative that would ban gay marriage.

Far from California, Egyptian authorities refused to endorse a marriage between a 92-year-old man and a 17-year-old girl. To find out why, read more.

According to Egyptian law, a husband and wife cannot be more than 25 years apart. Because the girl is not technically the man's wife, she cannot travel with him. But, in the last year, 173 marriages between couples with a greater than 25-year-age gap have been approved. The country allows exceptions for foreign men who pay the National Bank about $80,000 and shows up in person to the ministry of justice.

Should government officials, whether in Egypt or California, just butt out of marriage; or is it necessary to offer citizens a certain level of protection? In Egypt they say too large an age gap is not OK; in California some say same-sex marriage is not OK - do you see any differences between these interventions?
Source

McCain and Obama Assume Their Positions on Gay Marriage

LibertySugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 09:00:35 -0700

With a same-sex marriage ban on the ballot in Florida, John McCain and Barack Obama have staked out their positions on what could prove to be a consequential issue again this Fall. Both candidates have weighed in on the California ballot initiative that would override the state's supreme court ruling legalizing gay marriage: Obama opposes the ban, and McCain supports it.

The candidates characterize the measure differently. McCain calls the campaign to amend California's constitution an effort "to recognize marriage as a unique institution between a man and a woman." Conversely, Obama stated that he opposed "the divisive and discriminatory efforts to amend the California Constitution."

The San Francisco Chronicle explores the candidates' records on the issue. For that information, read more.

Obama has said that marriage should be between a man and a woman, but that ultimately it is for the states to decide. He also supports civil unions (which are not completely kosher with everyone in the gay community). McCain also wants to leave it up to the states. He opposed a federal constitutional amendment, but backed a similar losing Arizona initiative that would have banned same-sex marriage and domestic partnerships.

While California will undoubtedly vote Obama, as the Chronicle points out, Florida is a toss up. Will positions on gay marriage once again be a national litmus test for the candidates? Could it make or break their chances to pick up Florida? Who do you think is on the right side of the debate this time around?