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Hump Day: How Can I Become Multi-Orgasmic?

TresSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"I keep hearing about women who can have 'multiple orgasms' and I can't figure out exactly what this means. Does it mean a woman who can have more than one orgasm in a night? One orgasm after another with little downtime? (Is that even possible? Most women are so sensitive after having an orgasm!) Anyway, if it exists, is there a way I can become multi-orgasmic?" To hear Dr. Glickman's response, read more

Part of the challenge in defining “multiple orgasms” is that different people use the term to mean different things. For some women, it means more than one orgasm during a single sex session, whether they’re 5 minutes or 30 minutes (or more) apart. For other women, it means one after another, without much time between them.

You’re right that many women are extra sensitive after an orgasm, but not everyone. In fact, some women find that they can just keep going, especially if they change what they’re doing. For example, someone might find that she can have an orgasm from clitoral stimulation and then switch to penetration for a second one. Or maybe she might have one orgasm from oral sex, take a break for a bit with something else to keep the passion up, and then go back to oral sex for a second orgasm. And there are women out there who don’t need a break after one orgasm before they start building towards a second one.

Not all women can become multi-orgasmic, but many women can. Some women find that their ability to be multi-orgasmic can change over time, too. So if it doesn’t happen for you now, don’t stress about it. You may find that in a few years, something changes and suddenly, it falls into place.

One really great place to look for more info on how to do it is Mantak Chia’s book The Multi-Orgasmic Woman. He approaches sex from the Taoist tradition, which works with sexuality as a form of energy that we can learn to channel, harness, and expand. If you’re familiar with energetic practices such as yoga, this perspective might be familiar. He has a book for men and one for male/female couples, too.

Another place you could look for information about this is Tantra. While most people only know about Tantra as a laundry list of sex positions from the Kama Sutra, there’s actually a lot more to it than that. Tantra is a set of practices that teach you to work with your sexual energy and it can help you expand your ability to experience pleasure, deepen intimacy, and have multiple orgasms. There are some good books like Urban Tantra and Tantric Sex for Women, as well as some DVDs.

In my experience, the best way to learn about Tantra is through experiential workshops because these are techniques that are much easier to understand when someone is demonstrating them. Most Tantra classes are fully-clothed and many are designed for people to come solo, while others are for couples. You can find out more about Tantra or look for workshop teachers on www.tantra.com.

One thing that I do want to be clear on: not everyone can become multi-orgasmic. If it doesn’t happen for you, there’s nothing wrong with you. I’ve seen a lot of people become very goal-oriented about it and they often end up sabotaging themselves because they’re not actually enjoying the sex that they’re having. So I encourage you to try it out and see what works for you, but don’t get so caught up in it that you forget to have fun. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Hump Day: Where's My G-Spot?

TresSugar — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:00:00 -0700

Today's Question:

"I have decent enough sex with my boyfriend, but I don't always have an orgasm. I've heard that if my G-spot is stimulated, not only will I have a better chance of having an orgasm, but that it will be more intense. Is this true? Where is the G-spot?"

To hear Dr. Glickman's answer, read more.

Let’s start with a little anatomy.

The G-spot is a relatively small patch of tissue that you can find by inserting a finger into the vagina and curving towards the belly button (upwards if you’re on your back). Many women report that the G-spot is much easier to find if they’re already turned on because it engorges with blood. In fact, some women and their partners find that the G-spot can go from impossible to find to quite prominent during arousal. So start off with something that definitely works for you and then try adding G-spot explorations.

The G-spot surrounds the urethra and some folks find that stimulating it can feel sort of like needing to go to the bathroom. You may find it helpful to go to the bathroom before starting out so that you’ll know that your bladder is empty. Also, some women have discovered that G-spot play can result in female ejaculation. While scientists disagree about female ejaculation, we do know that it’s not urine and is chemically similar to men’s prostatic fluid. This makes sense, since the G-spot and the prostate are quite similar. If you’re concerned about it, put a towel down first so you can relax and enjoy the ride.

As far as whether G-spot play will rock your world or not, I can’t make any promises. Some women adore it and would never choose to have sex without it. Others find it uncomfortable or say that it just doesn’t do anything for them. As always when it comes to sex, your mileage may vary so don’t get stressed out if it doesn’t do much for you.

OK, so how do you actually do G-spot play? First, it may be easier if your boyfriend is the one wielding the fingers. It can be a bit awkward to try to reach it yourself. Some popular techniques include the “come-here” motion, making circles, tapping, stroking, or the “windshield wiper” movement. It may also be more fun if he’s pleasuring your clitoris at the same time, perhaps with his other hand or his mouth. Or you could use a hand or a vibrator on your clit.

If you want to use a toy for the G-spot, try something with a curve or a prominent head since those shapes makes it easier to hit the spot. Here are a few popular ones. Or you might enjoy one of the ”Rabbit” style vibrators.

For more detailed information about the G-spot, I’m a big fan of the DVD The Expert Guide to the G-Spot as well as the book Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot.

If you’re looking for ways to increase your chances of having an orgasm during intercourse, you might find that some G-spot fun as a warm-up improves your odds. Even if G-spot play doesn’t result in an orgasm for you, if it increases your pleasure and arousal, that will probably make it easier to have an orgasm when doing something else. Or you could have a G-spot orgasm before having intercourse, if that works better for you. You could also see if using a vibrator or your fingers on your clitoris during sex does the trick. After all, 70 percent of women report that they need some clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, so you’d be in good company.

Orgasms: Too Much of a Good Thing?

FitSugar — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 05:27:43 -0700

Achieving an orgasm is a hot topic. Women want more, are faking it, and are looking for ways to make it easier and more enjoyable. Can you imagine what it's like to have too many orgasms then, as in 100 to 200 a day? This condition is known as persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD) or persistent sexual arousal syndrome (PSAS) and can leave the affected woman in a state of arousal for hours, days, even weeks at a time. Brought on by environmental changes like cold air, vibrations from music, scents, or even a hug, one symptom of PGAD are spontaneous orgasms - ranging from the mild to a fullout screamfest. And unlike the orgasms shared with our partners, the effects of the condition are rarely associated with any feelings of sexual desire.

The idea of spontaneous orgasms may sound welcoming to some women, but given the invasive nature of PGAD, it's extremely embarrassing and difficult for those who live with it. To shed some light, Grey's Anatomy dramatized the condition on an episode, which you can see here.

Hump Day: What Are Some Unconventional Erogenous Zones?

TresSugar — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Today's Question:

“I would like to be a better lover. What are some unconventional erogenous zones?” To hear Dr. Glickman's answer, read more

Well, I suppose that depends on who you ask. After all, what one person considers “unconventional” is someone else’s favorite place to visit. But even so, there are some spots that not everyone knows about.

For the guys, men’s nipples are an often-overlooked pleasure zone. Some guys like pinching or twisting, but get a firm grip first. Or try sucking on them. Either way, start off light and slowly increase until you find the right level.

You could also spend a little time with his prostate. The prostate gland is found by inserting a well-lubricated finger into the anus and curving it towards the navel. It’s about the size of a golf ball, although much softer. It’s very similar to the G-spot so try stroking it, making circles or a windshield-wiper motion. Prostate play is a great addition to oral sex and it makes lots of guys’ toes curl. If you’re concerned about anal play and cleanliness, grab a glove. Some men worry that anal play is strictly gay; but remember, who you want to have sex with doesn’t have to have anything to do with what types of sex you like. (Expert Guide to Anal Play for Men or Bend Over Boyfriend are good references.)

To make your girl smile, give her clitoris or her A-spot (between her cervix and G-spot) some attention. It's at the deepest part of the vagina on the front wall, so if someone is on her back, insert a slim, curved vibrator or dildo and curve it upwards. If she’s face down, curve it down. Fingers can work if they’re a bit longer than average, too. There’s still some controversy about the A-spot and it’s not clear yet how much different women enjoy stimulating it but some women report that A-spot play leads to more vaginal lubrication and intense orgasms.

Quite a few women also report that perineum massage feels wonderful. In part, it’s because the perineal sponge is there. It’s a sort of, well, spongy tissue that engorges during arousal and it contains lots of nerve endings. Try a massage or using a vibrator there, especially during oral sex. In addition, massaging the perineum can help the pelvic muscles relax, which increases blood flow and can make both vaginal and anal penetration easier.

Of course, all of these technical skills and hot spots won’t make you a better lover if you’re not paying attention to your partner. Ask them what their favorite spots are and how they like to be touched. Some people have difficult describing what they like, but there’s an easy way to work with that. Give them two options and ask them which one they liked better. That can make it a lot easier to get the info you need to give your sweetie a thrill.

Have You Ever Faked an Orgasm?

TresSugar — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 04:00:00 -0700

I remember talking to a friend of mine years ago who told me that she'd never had an orgasm with a man - but that she almost always faked it.

It really surprised me because she seemed otherwise like a take-charge kind of woman - confident, beautiful, and certainly not shy. I didn't understand why she'd feel the pressure! (She was an actress, though, so I guess that kind of makes sense.)

Most of us are not actresses, or not good ones anyway, and it doesn't make a lot of sense to me to pretend your significant other is doing something right if he's not. Isn't faking something you'd just have to keep doing? And then if you stopped, he'd wonder why whatever he was doing before no longer worked?

Slow-Sex Movement Guru: On Orgasms and Sex Positivity

TresSugar — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 11:00:00 -0700

"I’ve never actually met a woman who wasn’t orgasmic. I’ve met women who’ve put themselves against a cultural idea, but we orgasm differently from the model that we’re told orgasm is."

This is the last post in a four-part series of interviews I had with Nicole Daedone, who is emerging as the leader of the slow-sex movement, and who founded the OneTaste urban retreat center in San Francisco. OneTaste invites men and women to learn about mindful sexuality by participating in workshops, yoga, and (for residents only) controversial "OMing" sessions in which men stroke women to orgasm during daily morning sessions. To read the fourth part of the interview with Nicole, read more.

TrèsSugar: Do you think that so-called “sex positivity” has helped women? There are a lot of women who have grown up around the idea that sexual desire isn’t something shameful, but rather something to explore and have fun with. Has it brought its own problems?
Nicole Daedone: I think that it’s like yoga; you’re constantly making microadjustments. I think that we went too far this way, into heedlessness, and that’s not any fun either. We’ve opened a field of sexuality and so the next question is, “What do we do with it?” Just open is a mess, but open and directed is power.

TS: You have a book coming out, but what’s your fantasy about where all this is going?
ND: My vision of how it’s going to go is that there will be a slow-sex movement and it will be women who carry it. It will be twofold: top down with a lot of information coming in from the media, but it will also be grassroots where the message will be transmitted from one person to the next.

TS: What do you think about the fact that there are many women who still - alone or with a partner - have never had an orgasm?
ND: It’s heartbreaking. It shows how far away from our own bodies we have to be to feel that way. I’ve met a lot of women who say they’ve never had an orgasm.
TS: Or they fake it! I think that some women feel that there’s a right way to have an orgasm: it’s supposed to look like this, sound like that, feel exactly like this …
ND: But - I’ve never actually met a woman who wasn’t orgasmic. I’ve met women who’ve put themselves against a cultural idea, but we orgasm differently from the model that we’re told orgasm is. So yeah, you know what? I don’t do "that" either.

Thanks, Nicole! (To see all of TrèsSugar's coverage of the slow-sex movement and Nicole Daedone's interviews, click here.)

Hump Day: Difference Between Clitoral and Vaginal Orgasms?

TresSugar — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column! Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"Is there a difference between a clitoral orgasm or a vaginal one? I keep hearing there's a difference and I want to known which one mine is!" To find out Dr. Glickman's answer, read more

Ever since Freud, people have been arguing over the difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasms. He thought that clitoral orgasms were something that women would outgrow during puberty, although he never explained how that would work. Unfortunately, the idea that some orgasms are better than others has led to many women feeling embarrassed about their sexual experiences.

Most of the time, when people talk about clitoral versus vaginal orgasms, they’re talking about which part of the body is being stimulated. I’m guessing that you know which part of your body is being pleasured, so in that sense, you already know whether you’re having a clitoral or vaginal orgasm, or perhaps you’re having both at the same time. Some women report that clitoral orgasms feel more focused while vaginal orgasms feel more expansive. But not everyone finds that to be the case, so if your orgasms feel similar no matter what fun you’re up to, don’t be surprised. As long as you enjoy the experience, go for it!

I think it’s worth mentioning that the majority of women (some research says as many as 70 percent) need some sort of clitoral pleasure to orgasm. It’s not a question of arousal or connection to one’s partner as much as it’s a question of whether your nerve endings are getting stimulated in a way that works for you. To make it a bit more complex, some people have slightly different concentrations of nerve endings in different places, so what each person likes can vary quite a bit. And for most women, the outer third of the vagina is much more sensitive than further in, so vaginal stimulation that focuses on the outer portion can feel quite different than deeper penetration.

What that means is that some women need to experiment a bit to find out what works best for them. Sadie Allison’s book Tickle Your Fancy offers lots of tips in a fun and friendly format. Some women discover that using their hands or a vibrator on the clitoris during intercourse makes things feel much better. Some of the smaller vibrators, such as the Water Dancer or the Laya can be held with one hand and their compact size makes them easy to use during sex with a partner.

(Don't forget to send your questions to TrèsSugar and we'll pass them on to Dr. Glickman!)

Hump Day: How Do I Know If My Orgasm Is . . . Right?

TresSugar — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 10:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's new sex advice column! Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

For years I thought I hadn't had an orgasm because I expected it to be similar to a man's. I also expected that when I did eventually have one I wouldn't question whether or not that was it because it would be so great/pleasurable that there would be no doubt whether it had happened. My biggest obstacle to get over is that I stop either myself or my partner too soon because it becomes too uncomfortable/sensitive and I just don't like it. Any advice would be appreciated. To find out what Dr. Glickman's advice is, read more.

Dr. Glickman's response:

Many women have had similar experiences, so I’m glad that you asked the question. There are many elements to sexual pleasure and each person is different. As a result, there are lots of women whose sexual responses don’t do what they may expect, especially if they’re comparing their experiences with men’s orgasms.

Quite a few women find that sexual stimulation, especially clitoral stimulation, can become too intense. They often report that changing what they’re doing can keep the fun going without overdoing it. Think of it like switching from eating something spicy to something a bit milder to give your body a chance to catch up. That’s a useful comparison because many people tend to think that stronger sensations are always better, but it’s not always the case. Some people like spicy food and others don’t. So if you find that slow and steady gets you there, go for it!

Figuring out what works for you can be a bit easier with some solo exploration since it takes the pressure of a partner’s expectations out of the picture. If you’re looking for ideas, I really like Sadie Allison’s book Tickle Your Fancy because she offers lots of tips in a fun and friendly format. She also talks about using toys, lubricants, and fantasies so you’ll have plenty of options.

If you want to explore things with a partner, you might find it helpful to explain that your body can get overstimulated and you need to change things up every so often. That’s when it can be helpful to be able to describe what you like since your partner won’t be able to always guess when you need things to be a bit different or what you’d like to do.

While feeling overstimulated is certainly one piece of the puzzle, I think it’s important to recognize that there are many women who haven’t had orgasms for a number of reasons. Becoming Orgasmic is an excellent book that’s designed to help women figure out what their particular barriers are and how to overcome them. Women who have experienced orgasm but who’d like to have them more consistently or more easily can also get a lot out of this friendly step-by-step guide.

Got more questions for Dr. Glickman on Hump Day? Send 'em to TrèsSugar!

Dear Quiz: What's the Best Time For an Orgasm?

DearSugar — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Did you know that there's a certain time of day that will give you a better orgasm? If not, I advise you to quickly find out just when the clock strikes O! Take this quiz, get the magic number, and spread the word!

Source

Take the quiz

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Had an Orgasm in Your Sleep?

DearSugar — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Are you under the assumption that only men have wet dreams? Well, if so, you are mistaken! Of course it's much more PC for men to talk about their sexuality, while awake or asleep, but women are far from being nocturnal orgasm virgins. Over the years, research shows that more women are having orgasms in their sleep. In 1986, 35 percent of female college students dreamed to orgasm, while earlier studies in the 1950's collected by Alfred Kinsey documented a mere 8 percent for the same age group. The numbers don't lie, so ladies, speak up, have you ever had an orgasm in your sleep?

Source