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My DISFunkshion: How to Live With Your Best Friend

OnSugar Blog — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 08:00:41 -0700

Here's a post from OnSugar blog My DISFunkshion.

"Playing house" on the playground in second grade is one thing, but living with your friends is another. Some people will warn you against rooming with your best friends in college but others say it’s no big deal. In my experience, there are important do’s and don’ts:

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Joan Jett, Michael Shannon, and Floria Sigismondi Talk Runaways, Rocking, and Kristen

BuzzSugar — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 14:30:20 -0700

I've already gotten to tell you what I think about rock biopic The Runaways, with Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning, but now it's time to hear from the stars and the others behind the scenes of the movie. Pop chatted up Kristen Stewart on the red carpet in NYC, but we also have some choice words from its inspiration Joan Jett, costar Michael Shannon, and director Floria Sigismondi.

Joan Jett on the message of the film: Ultimately, to follow your dreams. That good old cliché of following your dreams, because I really feel that people beat down other people’s dreams constantly. I see it a lot with writers, when I talk to them about this. I guess a lot of writers must be told, "You’ll never make money that way, get a real job!" A lot of writers want to write . . . To me, I just think it’s really important to try and follow your dream. And if for some reason life takes you a different way, then at least you made an attempt.
Joan on first meeting Kristen: I met her last New Year’s Eve. She came up to see a gig and I kind of just dumped on her about The Runaways for several hours and asked her if she was going to cut her hair. She said yes, and I had great faith that she was going to be able to pull this off because she seemed very dedicated and genuine and authentic. We had a few weeks before filming started to spend some time, and she picked my brain.

To read Michael Shannon and Floria Sigismondi's thoughts, just read more.

Joan on the process of making the film: Working with the actors was great. They were brilliant. The whole process was brutal, but in general working with the actors was great.

Michael Shannon on working with so many young actresses: They’re all very nice people, and they’re all very nice to me. There’s no tension, really. Everybody was so focused on trying to do a good job, Kristen was constantly with Joan, trying to learn as much as she could and absorb as much as she could from her. Dakota was always practicing her moves and getting inside of Cherie’s frame of mind. It wasn’t a very social kind of thing.

Michael on whether the set was all work and no play: I always approached it in that way. I guess that makes me sort of boring. But you get paid a lot of money to show up and do this stuff, so I figured it should pretty much be all work, no play. I sort of wish I was more like George Clooney - sort of show up and crack jokes. But I was really intimidated by the prospect of playing Kim Fowley.
Michael on working with such vulgar dialogue: It was f-ing amazing. (Laughs.) Sorry. It was vulgar - I mean, I asked them if we could clean it up a little bit. But they said, "Well that’s not the way it happened." The bottom line is we’re trying to re-create something that actually happened, so we had to stick to those parameters. That’s the way they talked. They were comfortable talking to each other that way.
On meeting Kim Fowley with Kristen: My first day of shooting, I hadn’t met him yet. We did a scene and at the end of the day Joan and Kristen were like, "You should really meet him; you’re playing this guy." I was like, "Yeah, you’re right." So they set up a dinner. We had dinner at this Denny’s in the Valley, and he came with all these pictures and clippings, told me his whole life story in about two hours.
Floria Sigismondi on how Kristen got cast: It started with Art Linson, he’d worked with her on Into the Wild, so I saw her in that - the short amount of time she was on screen, she was so captivating. Her eyes just tell a lot. And when I think of teenagers, and these girls, too, teenagers don’t really sit there and express their feelings and talk - it’s all in the face. I really wanted someone who would emote visually, not talking that much. She’s got that kind of quality. So when I met her, I instantly knew I wanted her for Joan.
Floria on Dakota joining things: Dakota kind of became that age right at the time we started to cast, so I was writing and I hadn’t thought of her. When she was interested, I was really excited because of the fact that everybody’s grown up with her and that you would know how it would feel for a 15-year-old to do the things she did.
Floria on getting the girls ready to rock: We put them through some lessons, but [Kristen] already knew how to play guitar, but really just to have them kind of polish up - actually all the girls. And then Dakota, I actually put her in front of a live band to rehearse so she knew what it would feel like to compete against drums and big amps and really loud music.
Floria on Kristen’s transformation into Joan: I could see her change onstage when she was rehearsing with the girls - from the back, her body started to change, really, physically transform. And I think it was because she was standing like Joan does and getting that kind of arch in her shoulders and so that was really interesting to see.
Floria on how Joan’s presence on set affected Kristen: It gave her a comfort level that if she veered to something wrong, someone would say something. They had a close relationship.

Lovers' Quarrel: Fighting on Facebook Will Not Save Face

TresSugar — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 11:00:53 -0700

It's one thing to overshare via Facebook, but arguing with your significant other so everyone can see takes things to a whole new, ugly, level.

People actually admit that they Facebook fight so friends can weigh in. It's like The Marriage Ref but, impossibly, worse. “A lot of people aren’t with us if we have a fight at home," Ashley Andrews says of her fiancé. This way, “All our friends can kind of comment on it.”

People aren't just doing it for input, though; they're doing it to protect reputations. Their own reputations. Ryan Stofer, an avowed Facebook fighter, admits public arguments with his ex-girlfriend were mere attempts to save face. "She’d be talking to her friends on Facebook about how bad a boyfriend I was," he said, "And I would be like, ‘No, I was decent.’ "

Psychologists say arguing on Facebook won't protect either person's image, much less the image of their relationship. Public arguments convey instability, volatility, and unhappiness. What is a joke to the couple may be a relationship falling apart to their friends. And because the support of friends and family has proven to sustain relationships over time, chipping away at its image one status update at a time erodes its private stability in the long run.

But does any couple who uses Facebook to send passive-aggressive messages stand a chance?

Demi's Showing Off More of Her Fabulous Figure on Bazaar

PopSugar — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 04:00:00 -0700

Demi Moore looks radiant and younger than ever on the April Harper's Bazaar, a shoot we saw her at with Rachel Zoe back in December. Her dress may look familiar, Rachel Bilson picked the same Chanel mini for a pre-Golden Globes bash earlier this year. Demi's prepping for the upcoming release of her next film The Joneses, she sat down to chat about Ashton, Twitter and her distaste for the term Cougar. Here are the highlights:

Demi on the term 'cougar': Cougar has become so distasteful, I really hate that expression . . . [Puma] has a sweeter quality, more elegant. And then somebody said to me, 'Pumas are only for people in their 30s.'
On Meeting Ashton: It was an effective evening. It was a life-changing evening. I knew it had the potential to be something special right away, It was like meeting somebody that I've just known where you just recognize one another. It was so disproportionate, the level of emotion we were experiencing to the time we had spent together."
On aging: "I feel better in my skin, 100 percent, that's the tradeoff. You have greater effects of gravity, but the better sense of yourself you have is something I wouldn't trade. Women who lie about their age - why?"

View 5 Photos ›

To read what Demi has to say on Twitter, fashion and her controversial W cover, just read more.

Demi on her controversial W Magazine cover: "Okay, that is literally my shape, [what bothered me] wasn't that people were saying it was retouched, it was that they were saying my hip was so badly botched because a hunk of it was taken out. I called the photographers, and they said, 'We did not touch anything on your hip, your thigh, or your waist. It was the position."
On fashion: "[I have] two modes: baggy boyfriend jeans and a T-shirt with a little cardigan and ballet flats. And then I have the other part of my life that's dress-up."
On Twitter: "We have no side financial relationship whatsoever. I like to connect to people in the virtual world, exchanging thoughts and ideas, when in the physical world we might never have the opportunity to cross paths."

Relationship Advice From Irish Sayings

TresSugar — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:15:59 -0700

The Irish are known for their sayings. Most just seem like something to drink to, but these 10 sayings could apply to relationships and friendships. Some are even useful!

"There are fish in the sea better than have ever been caught."
"Where the tongue slips, it speaks the truth."
"Here's to me, and here's to you. And here's to love and laughter. I'll be true as long as you. And not one moment after."
"Who gossips with you will gossip of you."
"A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures."

To see the rest, read more.

"Beware of people who dislike cats."
"Great hate follows great love."
"Three people can keep a secret, if two of them are dead."
"Better 50 enemies outside the house than one within."
"May all who love the Lord, love you, and those who don’t love you, may the Lord give them a limp so you can see them coming."

Source: Flickr User jek in the box

3 Ways Instant-Gratification Culture Is Ruining Relationships

TresSugar — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 06:00:54 -0700

I once read the secret of staying together is staying together. But is it that easy (or hard)?

Marriage used to be a lot easier to arrange - especially if done for you! - but now the longer people wait the more of a decision it becomes. Maybe they know what they want and have less patience for what they don't, but can it go too far? So many relationships speed off from the gate only to crash at the sixth-month line. Of course, every situation is unique, but here are three times when we may be giving up too soon.

Jumping in too fast: People in love with the idea of love are always looking for that high. And as soon as it's gone, so are they. This is especially common among serial monogamists and, I may be biased, men.
Big ponds: This is especially true if you live in a city, but even if you don't the Internet makes our dating options endless. There's always some perfect imaginary person around the next corner.
Great expectations: People expect relationships to just work if they're right, and when they don't we may hear, "It's not supposed to be that hard."

But, how hard is too hard? What even separates the good relationships from the bad?

Movie Preview: Nicole Holofcener's Please Give

BuzzSugar — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 09:31:06 -0700

When it comes to tackling human insecurities and modern-day relationships, writer-director Nicole Holofcener and Catherine Keener are a dream duo. With the past critical success of Walking and Talking, Lovely and Amazing, and Friends With Money to their credits, they're once again reteaming on the big screen for their latest collaboration, Please Give.

Keener plays a Manhattan-based mom grappling with her own conscience. A buyer of dead people's furniture, she resells the items at her high-end store, basically profiting off their misfortune. In an effort to balance out her own karma, she passes out $20 bills to homeless people, in part to teach her daughter the importance of helping those in need.

The trailer raises a good point - how do you buy your child $200 jeans when there are hungry people living on your street? Can you be a good person and be well off? It's subject matter to make you think, mixed with Holofcener's insightful humor. I'm also excited to see Amanda Peet and Rebecca Hall here, as the granddaughters of an elderly neighbor.

The film comes to theaters on April 30. Take a look and tell me your first impressions when you read more.

Are You a Compulsive People-Pleaser?

TresSugar — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

We've all done it before - offering to do a favor we later regret, or overextending ourselves when really we just need me-time. But for some people (and I imagine women outnumber men here because of social conditioning), chronic niceness can verge on the pathological and actually be hazardous to the people-pleaser's overall health.

According to Les Barbanell, psychologist and author of Removing the Mask of Kindness, there are many reasons compulsive people-pleasers turn out that way. They could have had emotionally distant, controlling or depressed parents who were also possibly overcritical perfectionists. As a result, their children grew up believing that in order to win their love, they needed to do whatever it took to please them.

If gestures of generosity to other people are not measured against what a person can reasonably give, the result is often depression, anxiety, and (not surprisingly) repressed rage. In its connection to narcissistic personality disorder, so-called "caretaker personality disorder" shows its not-so-selfless and not-so-nice face: it can often cover for the do-gooder's secret ego trip. Like people with NPD, CPDers "require excessive admiration and envy . . .have an overt sense of entitlement, and . . . are incapable of forming equal and mature relationships."

When flight attendants tell parents to put their oxygen masks on before they put them on their children, it's a hint for all of us: don't take care of others before you take care of yourself - or you may pay for it psychologically and emotionally.

Leonard and Evelyn Lauder Are a Cute Couple

BellaSugar — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 04:01:51 -0800

Leonard and Evelyn Lauder's romance is a thing of beauty. Leonard, the son of Estée Lauder, is former CEO and current chairman emeritus of the beauty empire his mother built. His wife, Evelyn, serves as the senior corporate vice president and heads up the fragrance division. Together, they helped build the company into a multi-billion dollar business. In the March issue of WSJ. Magazine, out on Saturday, the pair discusses their 50-year marriage and decades of running the company together. Here's a preview of what they have to say about working with each other.

Leonard on Evelyn:
"Even though she oversees [the fragrance division] as an individual, all the names we have on the fragrances relate to us as a couple: Sensuous. Intuition. Beautiful. Pleasures. All those names are names that have sprung, in truth, from our relationship. We did, on occasion, collaborate: I’d walk by her office and she’d say, 'Come on in here,' and there would be an arm with three or four little marks on it and she’d say, 'Sniff this,' and whatever I’d sniff was terrific. I’d leave. And you’d have just seen the CEO in action."

Evelyn on Leonard:
"If I ever made a cologne for Leonard it would be called Handsome. In the office sometimes I would be standing in the hallway at my assistant’s desk and I would feel a hand brush my back. I would look up and he would say, 'Oh, it’s you.'"

The entire story is worth tracking down this weekend, especially if you're a romantic with a head for business. It's always amazing when people stay in love for five decades; it's especially impressive when they've found a way to work together, too.

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Wants a Threesome

Tres Community — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 06:00:13 -0800

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

Recently my boyfriend told me that he wants to have a threesome with another woman. He said it's "just something he's always been curious about and has never done before." Personally, I have also been curious about this, however I don't like the idea of doing it with my boyfriend so much. When I was single, it was something that was on my mind, but now I'm not sure how I feel about it anymore because it's someone I care about as opposed to people I'm not in a relationship with. He is very serious about doing this and I don't know what to do. I tried putting it off by saying that neither of us really know any women who would be up for it -but he still brings it up and wants to start looking for someone together.

I'm really torn because it is something I would do, but I wouldn't want the woman to have him to herself in any way. I am not a jealous person and I know I am an attractive woman and am 100 percent confident in myself, yet I still feel like it might be a bad idea. He claims that all he wants is for him and I to have intercourse and for her to be there to watch or do things to me. Maybe the both of us give him oral. Or he wants to watch the two of us together. But in the heat of the moment, I don't know what would happen. I do not want him to have sex with her and I have made this very clear to him. He says he wouldn't do that. But I'm nervous. He really wants to do this.

To see the rest of the dilemma, read more.

I feel pressured because I'm younger than him as well. I am 20, he is 26. He says that it's just a threesome and it's something he just wants to try. He is making it sound like it's not really a big deal, but to me it's more than just sex. I feel like he might not care about me the way I care about him. We have an amazing sex life, so I cant understand why he wants to do this so badly. I would really love to hear about anyone else's experiences in similar situations? I need advice badly.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community. Maybe we'll feature your content on TrèsSugar.