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Relationship Protocol: What's the Biggest Obstacle You've Had to Overcome?

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Though ultimately satisfying and fulfilling, a relationship is a lot of work. Even the most successful relationship takes compromise and patience, and is always a work-in-progress. But sometimes an issue comes up that’s more significant than everything else, and requires the daunting task of overcoming what can feel like an insurmountable obstacle. It might be a financial crisis or an incident involving trust, but whatever it is, it always puts a couple to the test. So let me ask, what’s the biggest obstacle you and your significant other have had to overcome?

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You Asked: How Do I Explain My Love to My Parents?

DearSugar — Tue, 20 May 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for more than two years now. We met online, and then met in person about a year ago. We've since gotten together twice this Spring and had a blast the whole time. My parents totally disapprove of our relationship, because he is eight years my senior and I'm still in college. Despite all of the obvious challenges, and a period of about six months where we tried to stop talking and date other people, we've found ourselves deeper in love and more compatible. We have also learned a great deal about ourselves in that time.

Call me crazy or just lovestruck, but I really think he's the one. No one else could have stuck with me through hard times and never asked a thing in return. I don't know how to tell my parents that despite their best wishes, I intend on seeing this man until we either break up or die happily married. How can I explain to them how I feel about him?

- Crazy in Love Casey

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Crazy in Love Casey,

It's very easy to disregard our parents concern and chalk up their negativity to the fact that they just can't understand us, but truth be told, part of being a parent (and an adult) means considering things from a more rational and less emotional point of view. With that said, it doesn't mean that your love isn't real, or that you should follow your parents' every wish, but it does mean that you should start looking at things from a different angle.

Just as you expect your parents to see things from your side, try viewing your relationship from theirs. Acknowledge and address all of their concerns, regardless of whether or not you see them as valid. By doing this, you're showing them you both that you respect their opinion and that you're thinking practically. Don't let your emotions get the best of you by giving into the theatrics of the moment, but keep things calm and respectful.

Finally, explain to them that while you're aware that things may not work out, you want to try to maintain a relationship with this man because you love him, and you hope that they can be supportive of you in the process. Obviously you can't control their reaction, only your own, so be prepared for anger and disappointment on their side. It sounds like they truly want what's best for you, so even if they fail to understand you, their hearts are in the right place.

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Group Therapy: He's Making Problems For My Family

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:00:00 -0700

Last Fall I briefly dated my sister-in-law’s brother. We were together for just two months and things didn’t get very serious. One night, we went to my company Christmas party, had an awesome time, and then he just disappeared. No call, no explanation, no nothing. It didn’t take long for me to move on, but the problem now is the trouble he’s causing our family. Apparently he is so scared to be around me that he refuses to attend family events when I’m there. So my sister-in-law and my brother have started secretly getting together with other family members behind my back, inviting him and not me.

I am very hurt by this and I don’t understand what happened. He and I didn’t have so much as a minor disagreement. Things weren’t very serious, and if anything, he was more serious than I was. I tried to contact him once about this family issue, but he isn’t willing to talk to me. I’m not an unreasonable person. I don’t want a fight, and I don’t want drama. In fact, he and I promised each other before our first date that no matter what happened, we would be fine and there was no need to involve family.

I feel like maybe he lied about what happened with us, painting me to look mean in order to avoid the truth, which was what that he wasn't brave enough to just call me and end it. My brother and sister-in-law are moving back to our hometown soon, and we’ll all be here for all the occasions and holidays. What can I do to fix this?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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You Asked: His Roommate Is Affecting Our Relationship

DearSugar — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Last Summer my boyfriend moved in with one of his friends. We are both very busy and usually see each other on the weekends. Most of the time I sleep at his place but things have been strange lately; it seems like my boyfriend's friend is jealous of the relationship we have. He constantly tags along and recently he has been making me feel really uncomfortable by pulling my boyfriend aside to talk to him when I am there or bringing up conversations while intentionally leaving me out of them.

I addressed my feelings with my boyfriend, and he feels that he is in an awkward spot between his girlfriend and his friend. He agrees that he's being rude but he won't make an effort to express that to him. Is it wrong to be angry at my boyfriend for his lack of support? Should I step in and address this problem myself? I just don't know what to do, but it's certainly wearing on our relationship.

- Pushed Aside Alyssa

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more.

Dear Push Aside Alyssa,

In my own experience, I've found that men are very strange when it comes to their friends in relation to their girlfriends. There a certain unspoken rules that really shouldn't be broken, and one of those seems to be about confronting each other about problems, but since this is affecting your relationship, the problem does need to be addressed. You did everything right by asking your boyfriend to speak with his friend on behalf of the both of you, but just because he feels stuck in the middle, it doesn't mean he gets to skip out on handling the issue. I would simply tell your boyfriend that you think it will make things far more awkward if you have to say something yourself, but you will if he doesn't.

If he continues to put up a fuss, try to coach him through the conversation. He should be able to get the point across to his friend without actually saying anything directly. He could just mention that he needs some alone time with his girl; it really can be that simple, or when a conversation comes up that completely excludes you, your boyfriend can do his part to loop you in. If he does it enough, his friend will get the hint!

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First Up on the Training To-Do List?

PetSugar — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 12:15:43 -0800

Granted they are totally cute and we totally love them, but it's still hard to find a pet owner who doesn't have at least one gripe about her fluffy darling. While teaching even the most stubborn pet (and stubborn owner) change is possible, getting started can be rather intimidating. North's jumping is by far my biggest obstacle but what about you? If you made a doggie-training to-do list, what would be your number-one thing to tackle?

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Do Tell: What Problems Affect Your Age Group?

DearSugar — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 08:00:00 -0800

I'm in my late twenties and turning the big 3-0 is not only on my mind, but it's on the minds of my friends who are about to hit that milestone birthday. We also worry about our careers, money, relationships with family and friends, and the pressure to start a family. Of course there are many common stresses that affect every generation, but ladies, do tell, what problems do you think affect your age group the most?

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The How-To Lounge: Stop Dwelling on It!

DearSugar — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 10:00:00 -0700

Have you ever not been able to get an argument with your best friend out of your head? Are you still holding on to your frustration about the stained blouse you picked up from the dry cleaner yesterday? Or are you already freaking out about your presentation Monday morning? Well, if so, you're officially dwelling on it! To learn some tips to just get over it, click here to read more

Set a small amount of time to let yourself dwell on it - say from noon to 1pm - but then move on.
Be open about your fears and talk it out. Call a friend or family member if you need a little extra TLC. Bounce your anxiety off them and hopefully they can give you some words of encouragement.
Ask yourself what the worst thing that could happen is. Usually, the fear is much worse than the actual possible outcome. Be realistic about the chances of your fear coming true and then visualize yourself coping with it. Having a more sensible outlook will alleviate some of your anxiety.
Keep yourself busy. It's much easier to dwell on things when you are bored or alone. Work out, go shopping, do the dishes or tend to your garden - just keep focused on something.

These are just some tips that I find helpful, but if you have any others that you would like to share, please do so in the comments below.

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Neti Pot Use Could Cause Sinus Problems?

FitSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:15:00 -0800

Pollen and cat fur are not my friends, and when I become so stuffed up I can't smell a thing, I turn to my neti pot. It looks like a little teapot. You fill it with warm salt water, place the spout in one nostril and as the water passes through your nasal passages and comes out the other nostril; it helps get rid of irritants and mucus so you can breathe easier. I know it sounds medieval, but it really works whether I'm stuffed up from smelling flowers or if I have a cold. Last Spring I was happy to hear that science backed up the use of a neti pot to relieve congestion, but I've got some bad news for my fellow neti pot lovers. A new study shows that long-term use of the neti pot can actually cause sinus problems. The study followed 68 people who used their neti for a year, and then took a break for a year. The rate of sinusitis actually dropped by 62 percent in the year that the participants stopped using the neti pot.

Researchers believe that the mucus in your nasal passages acts as a defense against infection, and flushing it away disrupts your body's immune function. They recommend that neti pots be used every once in a while to relieve congestion, but should not be used daily for an extended period of time. If you have issues with constantly being stuffed up, see your doctor so they can help figure out the cause of your congestion and how to treat it.

If you've never heard of a neti pot and want to see how it's used, check out a how-to video when you read more.

Source: Flickr User Thirteen Of Clubs

Impotence Could Be a Sign of Heart Problems

DearSugar — Tue, 20 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

You may not have known that performance problems in bed are a frustrating side effect for about 80 percent of men with type 2 diabetes, and as if that wasn't bad enough, new research shows that these men also face double the risk of potentially fatal heart problems. Both erectile dysfunction and heart problems occur when specific arteries fail to fully expand in response to stimulus. Since arteries in the penis are smaller than those in the heart, issues below the waist may show up sooner. That means this sexual side effect can act as an indicator of such heart problems as chest pain, heart attack, and stroke. For this reason, as embarrassing as it is to talk about or admit, impotence shouldn't be ignored.

Dear's Advice: If a man with diabetes is having a difficult time achieving or maintaining an erection, then he should see his doctor immediately to get his cardiovascular system checked. If caught early enough, lifestyle changes through diet, exercise, and medication can help reduce the risk of heart problems in the future.

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Three Common Penile Problems, Part II

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Yesterday you learned about Peyronie's disease, one of three common penile problems that some men have to deal with, but today I'm going to talk about Hypospadias. This condition is when the urinary meatus, the hole on the penis where urine and ejaculate pass, is abnormally positioned. It's usually just short of the tip of the penis but can be as extreme as being positioned underneath the penis or as far back as the scrotum. Hypospadias is actually fairly common, affecting approximately 1 in every 300 newborn boys (this condition is present at birth) so if you want to learn more about it, just read more.

The only way to treat this condition is to have surgery to reposition the urethral opening, and if need be, straighten out the penis. In most cases, the surgery is successful and results in normal or near-normal function and appearance with no future problems, although it is possible for a meatus to form under the penis where the new urinary channel was created, which can cause leakage. If that were to occur, another surgery would be necessary. Although this condition isn't life threatening, it can most definitely be an emotional burden.

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