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Group Therapy: How Quickly Should You Get Over an Ex?

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 14:00:00 -0800

I have been broken up with my ex for two and a half years, but I still love him. He is dear to my heart in so many ways. I loved everything about him. The problem was that we were in a long distance relationship. I didn't mind all of the things that came along with long distance, but he did. He said it hurt him that we couldn't be together, and it hurt him that I always had to make the trip because he played on a college sports team which required his week days and weekends at school or traveling.

I started seeing my current boyfriend about five months after the break up. At first it was all about having fun, but I do love him now; however, it feels more like platonic love, than being crazy in love. He is perfect in many ways, but he doesn't give me butterflies. I saw my ex recently. He and I have never talked face to face about our break up because it happened over the phone. When I see him now I get this strange feeling that there is unfinished business. Of course, I want to talk about everything, and find out what's he feeling, but I can't bring myself to do it.

Should I just move on and try to work things out with my boyfriend? Shouldn't I be over this break up by now? Maybe if I talked to him I would get closure. Any words of wisdom?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Group Therapy: He hates dogs!

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years and recently have been talking about marriage. There seems to be one big problem though DOGS. I've always had dogs and absolutely love them. My boyfriend on the other hand pretty much despises them, he thinks they smell, are dirty, and belong outside. He said he would never allow a dog in his home, and even owning an outside dog would be a stretch. I can't imagine never owning a dog, or even having to keep one outside. I know this seems like a petty issue, but I think it could turn out to be a huge problem in the long run. What do I do? Could this possibly break up our relationship?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

DearSugar Needs Your Help: How Can This Long Distance Relationship Stay Fresh?

DearSugar — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Keeping the Flame Alive Franny need your help. She recently rekindled her high school romance and couldn't be happier, but since they are carrying on a long distance relationship while he's in medical school, she's having a hard time keeping the sparks alive. If any of you have been in a long distance relationship, she could use any tips you've got up your sleeve so that the flame doesn't burn out!
Dear Sugar,
I just recently ran into my high school sweetheart after six years of being apart, and we totally hit it off. We had broken up senior year because we were just too young for our relationship, and the next step was engagement. When we ran into each other, neither of us were expecting to fall back in love, but that's just what happened! Fast forward three months and everything is still great, except that he is in a different city at medical school. Once again, hooray, he's going to be a doctor and save lives, but his life is so one dimensional - sitting in the library for 10 plus hours a day. Since he's so into school, I feel a lot of pressure to bring the excitement to the relationship, which can be a big burden.

I want to be with him, and I'm not even thinking about ending it, but how do I keep the long distance relationship interesting without having to be "Miss Sunshine" all the time about a situation that bums me out just as much as it does him? Do you have any advice on how I can make this work?

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DearSugar Needs your Help: Is our Relationship Over?

DearSugar — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Am I Over it Aimee need your help. She moved in with her boyfriend too soon and now feels like their relationship is a lost cause. Do you have any advice for her?

Click here to read more

I am 20 years old and have been living with my 22 year old boyfriend. Two weeks after we started dating, I moved into his place. I was living with his friend while I was looking for a place of my own, and it just happened that he asked me to live with him. Now we have been together 9 months and have gone through a lot together. He takes care of me and he is a wonderful and decent man. BUT, we have been fighting really badly for the past 4 months and now we have to find a new place to live (our lease is up). I have reservations about signing a new lease with him because I feel that we have already tainted our relationship by moving in right away, a situation that is clearly not perfect.

I shouldn't blame everything on him, I am finding myself being mean to him lately and his lack of common sense bothers me to no end. I feel
like I am subconsciously driving him away. I am completely split because I love him, I really do, but I'm not in love with him. How do I make a decision that is going to change my whole world? I really need help, I just don't know what to do anymore, my heart is split in half as is my mind!

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Family vs. Relationship - Who Wins?

DearSugar — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Stuck in the Middle Matilda need your help. Her boyfriend doesn't get along with her family and she's feeling torn. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 18 months and it has been the most amazing time of my life. He is an unbelievable guy and he's really good to me; I feel very lucky. My problem is that he doesn't really like my family. He gets along with them when he has to, but he refuses to voluntarily spend time with them. We are quite a close bunch, but they recently moved to a different state for the family business. The catch here is that I work for my dad's company. I've resigned (because of the move) and my last day is Feb. 15.

I have to go train the new person for 10 days and I asked my boyfriend to come visit for the weekend in the middle so we could see each other. I was trying to make the best of a bad situation so we could at least still see each other, but he completely lost it and told me that I will never be able to say no to my family. As a 30-year-old woman, I don't consider myself abnormally attached to them, but apparently he thinks I'm a daddy's girl and he has no problem telling me so. I feel like I am being pulled in two different directions and I can't seem to make anyone happy. Do you think he is overreacting? Am I? I love my family and I love my boyfriend, so how can I make this work? - Stuck in the Middle Matilda

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Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

Movie Preview: Amanda Seyfried in Letters to Juliet

BuzzSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:30:33 -0800

Amanda Seyfried's latest film Letters to Juliet looks like a mash up of her other work. First off, her character's name is Sophie, which brings Mamma Mia to mind, as does the romantic foreign locale. But even the title itself made me do a double-take - wait, isn't she already doing a book-turned-film about letters called Dear John?! Still, I'm not writing it off just yet. (No pun intended). I can be a sucker for a love story, even if it's a bit sappy.

The film follows Seyfried as an American tourist who discovers an unanswered "letter to Juliet" while on a trip in Verona, Italy. (The notes are left by visitors asking for help from Shakespeare's famous heroine.) She responds to the plea, and then sets off to find its author (Vanessa Redgrave) and reunite her with the man she left decades before. Of course, there's a triangle in there too, as Sophie begins to question her own relationship with her fiance (Gael Garcia Bernal) and falls for the woman's grandson (Christopher Egan).

The trailer pretty much gives away the whole movie, but this sort of storyline is usually predictable so I'll forgive the studio for it. Bonus for Taylor Swift fans: her "Love Story" is the theme song. The film doesn't arrive in theaters until May, but check it out and tell me what you think when you read more.

Instead of Tylenol, Reach For a Photo of a Loved One

FitSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:00:00 -0800

If you're feeling a world of hurt, you might want to skip the pill form of pain relief. New research found that just gazing at a photo of someone you love could reduce your pain.

A small study, involving 25 women who had been in healthy and loving relationships for at least six months, found gazing at images of loved ones helps manage pain. In the study heat was applied to the forearm of each participant, the women reported their levels of pain while looking at a photo of their boyfriend, when looking at a photo of a stranger, and while looking at a picture of a chair. The women also received the heat treatment when holding hands with their guys, while holding hands with a complete stranger, and while holding a stress ball.

Overall the women reported the lowest amount of pain when in the "presence" of their partners, whether it be from their boyfriend's photo or actual hand. This simple experiment illustrated how the support of a loved one can help ease pain. The next time you want to pop some Tylenol, grab a framed photo or the hand of someone you love instead. Or if you're going through a painful experience and your favorite person can't be with you, the researchers suggest bringing a photo of the special person along. It could have the same calming effect.

Share Your Most Awkward Thanksgiving Moments!

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 08:00:46 -0800

Back in the day, one of my favorite things about Thanksgiving was the annual Friends Thanksgiving episode. Specifically, Chandler's complicated relationship with the holiday always cracked me up. You may remember that when Chandler was nine, his dad used Thanksgiving as a chance to announce that he was gay. And years after that, Monica accidentally cut off the tip of Chandler's toe on Turkey Day. In Mr. Bing's honor, I thought it would be fun if we all shared our most awkward Thanksgiving moments in the Awkward! group in the TrèsSugar Community. Share your story, and I will feature the most festively awkward posts on Très! (If you're not clear on how to post to community, check out this helpful post.)

New Moon Star Nikki Reed Says Relationship Keeps Her Slim

FitSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 11:00:49 -0800

If Kristen Stewart needs any help kicking her nicotine habit, she can look to her New Moon costar Nikki Reed for advice. In the last few months, Reed has given herself a bit of a lifestyle makeover, thanks in large part, as she told People, to her relationship with Greek shipping heir (and Paris Hilton ex) Paris Latsis.

Reed and Latsis have officially been out as a couple since Summer, which was the perfect time for Latsis to introduce Reed to all the outdoor sports he loves. The pair spent the season hiking, windsurfing, and water skiing, and as a result, Reed says, the pounds started dropping.

Besides having tons of fun, Reed was so inspired by her boyfriend's love of the outdoors that she became motivated to get into better shape. First things first, she quit smoking. Now Reed hits the gym for two hours a day and says that being active has made her "much happier."

Last week I shared with you some ways that your relationship might be making you fat, but keep in mind that as with Reed, relationships can have positive effects on health. I personally am healthier now that I'm with a partner who likes being active as much as I do. He and I love riding bikes, climbing, and going on long hikes together. Do any of you credit your relationship for making you healthier?