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Grab Bag! Problems in Your Relationship? Just Do Lunch!

TresSugar — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:00:18 -0800

Lunch dates might be the key to a happy relationship. - Glamour
How long do men think sex should last? - Em & Lo
Today is the 11th annual Transgender Day of Remembrance. - Feministing
Police ticket underage kid for holding a beer in a Facebook picture. - The Awl
Pride and Prejudice would be much better with a 20-page sex scene. - Jezebel
Should posting an inappropriate comment on the Internet get you fired? - GeekSugar
And here are some cats sitting like humans. - Urlesque

House Rundown, "Ignorance is Bliss"

BuzzSugar — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 07:30:45 -0800

With Cameron gone, the new (old) team is still working out the kinks in this week's House - and it feels like the writers aren't sure where the show's going either. The episode tackles a genius patient with what appears to be TTP, Thanksgiving, and House and Cuddy all in one swoop. And while the doc is back to acting like a selfish jerk following his recent good behavior, I didn't even find his quips that amusing. If anything, the episode felt like a downer!

Okay, so I know these are harsh words, so perhaps I'm not giving this week a fair trial. Let's go over the highlights, and tell me what you think when you read more.

The team gathers around the table to start hypothesizing, but to me it feels off without Cameron there. I'll give the writers the benefit of the doubt since it's the first week with the updated crew, but don't you agree?
We get it Chase - you're upset. He huffs and puffs and refuses invitations from Taub, Foreman, and Thirteen for friendly help. Then House refers to Cameron as Chase's "ex-smarter half" and gets punched. I want to be sympathetic to Chase because of his split from Cameron, but with that attitude? Forget it.
House needs to get Cuddy off the brain stat. He announces to Wilson that he's going to break up her relationship with Lucas, and then starts plotting ways to get invited to Thanksgiving dinner to see his plan through. Cuddy gives him the address where the meal is taking place, but (surprise!) the house is empty. I was shocked that she gave him faux info! Do you think it's too mean, or does he deserve it?
After being rejected, House gets drunk and breaks into Lucas's place to confess his love for Cuddy. Seriously. (He says to Lucas, "I'm pathetic," and I couldn't agree more.) The next day, Cuddy tells House that Lucas broke up with her over the incident - until we later find out that she's lying to get him to lay off. It seems like House might leave her alone by the end of the episode. Do you think he's finally giving up? And do you think his intoxicated act was real or fake? He tries to make it sound planned, but I'm not 100 percent sure.
While House and Cuddy were weighing down the show with sadder stuff, Taub and his wife brought a bit of comic relief. She's stopped sleeping with him, because she thinks he's a wuss for going back to House. But once Taub passes off a photo of House's black eye as his own handiwork – instead of Chase's - she basically jumps him!
The medical mystery involving a former genius who dumbs himself down, so he can love his "happy and dumb" wife (his words, not mine) is relatively interesting - even though I snarled at his comments about her stupidity. First they think he has TTP, but the problem is actually an old injury where he broke three ribs causing his spleen to split. Come on, 16 spleens?! I know I'm a dork, but that's pretty cool. Next time writers, less Cuddy skirt-chasing, more stuff like this.

Okay, so time for your assessment - what did you think of the episode? Isn't the House and Cuddy storyline starting to wear thin? (Even I'm over it, and I was rooting for them before!) And how do you like the team now that Cameron's dunzo?

If you're a fan of the show, check out the House! group in community!

Photos courtesy of Fox

Relationship Protocol: Couples Counseling

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

I’m always quick to mention therapy as an option for people in relationships who are working through what can seem like insurmountable issues. The effects of communication in a safe environment with a third party professional vary from person to person but have the potential to be quite powerful. That said, I’m not convinced that therapy is the answer for every relationship, especially those that have yet to commit to a lifetime partnership, marriage or otherwise. If you’re two years in and having problems, maybe that means you’re just not meant to be.

I’m being tough, I know, but do you agree that couples counseling is best left to the long-term and lifelong committed relationships? Or do you think therapy is viable for any couple that wants to make it work?

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Relationship Protocol: Nagging

DearSugar — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 13:00:00 -0700

I’ve always disliked the term nagging, I guess because it seems to imply something that only women do to men - just think of any sitcom that revolves around a family. It wasn't until the other day at a friend's house that I realized that's not always the case. I witnessed a simple request from my friend to her husband turn into a repeated demand. It was extremely frustrating to listen to as her plea became more and more urgent each time she asked it.

But clearly, her behavior was brought on by his refusal to meet her request, and thus, he was just as at fault as she was in regards to the nagging. It seems to me that it has nothing to do with women and everything to do with the dynamic in a relationship. But ladies, do you agree? Is nagging a relationship issue or a woman’s problem?

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You Asked: I Refuse to Accept That We're Over

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

A few years ago I met a guy who quickly became my best friend; in fact, he was really the best thing that ever happened to me. In the beginning we were just inseparable, great friends. But months later, I realized I was in love with him. Soon after, he admitted that he loved me, too, and we started dating. It was amazing at first, but within a few months we started fighting a lot. We eventually broke up, but stayed really good friends. We tried getting back together but it didn't work, and we ended up down the same road.

Finally, we stopped talking for about six months, until one night he called me and said that he just wanted us to be friends again. So we started talking, and within a month he was talking about a girl he'd met. I tried to be casual about it, but every time he mentioned her I felt extremely jealous. It wasn't before long that I figured out that there was something really special between them. After talking about how strong his feelings for her are I finally snapped, and threatened to never speak to him again. He was upset by my outburst, and we haven't talked since.

I only lashed out at him for attention, and now I can't stop thinking about him. I wish I had just dealt with it because now I can't let go of him. I love him, and I have to do everything in my power to get him back. I need him in my life. But he wants nothing to do with me, and is crazy about this other girl. What should I do now?

- Needy Naila

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Needy Naila,

I know you're not going to want to hear this, but it's pretty clear to me that it's time for you to let go. There's no point in waiting around for a relationship that's already proven itself to be unsuccessful time and time again. Maybe now is your chance to ask what you can do just for you instead of trying to figure out what you can do to please him. A crush should always come secondary to your mental well-being, and if it's not that means there's a problem.

If this is affecting your life to the extent that you're having a difficult time coping with the day-to-day stuff, try talking to a therapist. Sometimes having an objective listener will help you process the emotions you've been ruminating in for the past few months. Also, an outside voice may allow you to see the situation more clearly. Try writing a letter to your ex expressing everything that you wish you could say to his face, but don't send it. Instead, give your emotions a release. And don't forget to confide in your family and friends; they're there for support.

Source

Group Therapy: Can Our Relationship Survive This?

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Recently I discovered, much to my dismay, that I am pregnant. Already being a single mother of one, I find myself confused and completely stressed out. I am in a long distance relationship and am completely committed to my boyfriend despite the geographical hurdle, and when I told him about the pregnancy, he immediately told me that he wanted to keep the baby and asked me to move in with him.

After mulling it over for a few weeks, I started to think that we actually could make things work. The problem is that after my boyfriend was being loving and supportive, and pushing for me to keep the baby, he changed his mind - he no longer wants to be a father. He says he still wants to be with me, but can we really return to our lives and the happiness that was once our relationship if I do decide to keep the baby? I believe that he would rise to the occasion and be a father if need be, so does he just have cold feet? I'm totally lost and could use any advice you're willing to give me.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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You Asked: I'm Dating My Professor

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I started seeing an awesome guy a few months ago. We have great conversations and our sexual relationship is amazing. Unfortunately, there are a few issues. For one, he is twice my age (I’m 24), and he also happens to be one of my college professors. The problem now is that somebody has told the college that he and I have a very "close" relationship and he's received a warning about getting involved with a student even though I'm more than consenting of our relationship.

He’s worried about his job, but I don’t want to lose him. He wants to end things with me but I want be selfish and ask him if we can stay together even if it means that we only spend time together on weekends, and avoid going out in public, and never interact on campus. What should I do?

- Dangerous Liaisons Lucy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Dangerous Liasons Lucy,

Although student relationships with college professors are not uncommon, it's your unconcerned nature that worries me most. It's true that you are both consenting adults, but your boyfriend is still breaking an extremely important code of ethics that he's required to uphold for his position. Regardless of how you both feel about one another, from the school's standpoint, one of their employees is taking advantage of his position of power and violating the rules, which can lead to suspension, losing his position, and making it difficult for him to get work at other schools.

You and your boyfriend needs to sit down and discuss the implications of staying together. Obviously the consequences are more dire for him than they are for you, so if he decides to end things, I think it's important that you respect that. Likewise, if the relationship continues and ends up being exposed, it's important to remember that there will be personal implications for your relationship as well. Either way, it's time to take a step back - I would avoid any contact with each other at school or in public. In such a serious situation, the most important thing is to avoid looking at the situation from an emotional point of view and focus on considering things as rationally as possible.

Source

You Asked: Should I Try to Fall in Love With Him Again?

DearSugar — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my current boyfriend for about four years. We have lived together for three, and until recently things have been great. He works full time and goes to school full time. He has always had about a month-long period before Summer break where he is completely stressed out. In the past, he would tell me he needs his space during that time because he is grouchy and irritable. Over the last few months, he has been this way again, but he won't discuss it with me - he has basically shut me out. I have made multiple attempts to tell him I don't feel loved or "in love" anymore but nothing changes.

I have basically moved on and started to do my own thing. I am going out with friends and having a great time. Now that he is out of school for the Summer, he wants things to be back to normal. He realizes that he may be losing me, and he's scared. He has done a complete turnaround and it bothers me. I'm not holding a grudge, but I can't let his behavior go. I feel like something is missing from our relationship, and I have been meeting new people and seeing a lot of other possibilities out there. Should I stick it out and try to "fall in love" with him again or just move on? I want to remain his best friend as he's mine but I'm not happy.

- Sparkless Skylar

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Sparkless Skylar,

I hate to say it, but it's not uncommon for relationships to go through difficult months - some marriages go through difficult years! While treating someone badly under any circumstances isn't right, you admit that your boyfriend doesn't deal with stress well, and yet, it's only this most recent term when you've found yourself moving on emotionally. Perhaps this isn't a problem in your relationship - that he's unavailable for a month - but rather you're just realizing that your time together has run its course. And that's OK.

As hard as it may be to walk away from a four-year relationship, you shouldn't feel that you have to force yourself to try to fall in love with someone again. As long as you're truly ready to put your relationship aside then it's perfectly healthy to explore other possibilities. But now that he's communicating again, you owe it to yourself and your boyfriend to explain to him (again) what you're going through - be kind, but stay honest. Truthfully, it's unlikely that your friendship will be able to remain as it is now once you're no longer together, but it's more important that you be fair to yourself and him than stay just because you don't want to lose his friendship. Good luck.

Source

Grey's Anatomy Rundown, "Holidaze"

BuzzSugar — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 07:00:00 -0800

As evidenced in my holiday TV sneak peek, this week's episode of Grey's Anatomy puts the doctors on a fast track that starts on Thanksgiving eve and runs through New Year's Eve. As we all know by now, the Seattle Grace surgeons aren't always big on merriment, but the holidays are always the perfect time to bring out the truth in feelings and relationships.

Meredith bonds with the Chief while Mark learns that he has a teenage daughter. Bailey has a confrontation with her father and Teddy and Owen's sexual tension comes to a head. To read all about it, just read more.

As the episode opens, the Chief is trying to justify his drinking to Meredith - explaining that his alcoholism was "misdiagnosed" and that he was actually suffering from situational depression. (Um, right.) It's unclear whether Mere takes his word for it because she believes him or feels like she has to, but she accepts his mentorship. Later she bites off Thatcher's head when he suggests that the Chief shouldn't be drinking, and by NYE realizes that he does have a problem, but continues to keep it a secret. There is one good thing that comes from it: Derek and the Chief finally make amends after duking it out all season.
Bailey does her best to avoid acknowledging the holidays because she's afraid to tell her parents about her divorce. Instead, she gladly dives into work - until her father makes a surprise visit on Christmas Eve. After watching Miranda perform surgery, he delivers a way harsh speech about being ashamed of her decision to "break" her family and put work first. At Christmas dinner (with the whole Seattle Grace crew, no less), Miranda finally puts her foot down and tells her dad that she's not willing to settle for a bad relationship. Did anyone else want to slow clap, at this point? Because I did.
Mark gets a blast from the past when a buxom blonde appears at the hospital claiming to be his daughter. (I kind of love that her name is Sloan). Mark isn't exactly thrilled with feeling old, joking that "death has come to call." Lexie is also troubled by the news at first, and I couldn't blame her for slicing her finger when Mark drops the bomb that Sloan is moving in. Two months later, he hasn't made any progress, and it's clear that his daughter isn't exactly a cup of tea. Just when Mark finally gets the nerve to kick her out, Sloan reveals that she's pregnant with a baby of her own. Instead of contemplating his potential grandpa status (talk about feeling old), Mark's paternal instincts kick into gear with impeccable timing and he comforts her. Sidenote: I find it interesting that Mark handles the situation exactly how Quinn wished her parents had on Glee this week - stroking her hair, assuring her that everything would be okay.
Teddy is already coming between Cristina and Owen's relationship, even if just with pages. Still loving her new cardio god, Cristina is happy to be Teddy's bitch (as Alex calls her) and work as a team - until she catches Owen giving Teddy meaningful glances. Owen confronts Teddy and reveals that he had feelings with her when they were overseas together, and in turn Teddy confesses that she's always been in love with him. They are literally this close to kissing, but Owen says he loves Cristina and runs to her instead. Despite their passionate makeout sesh at the end of the episode, I still have an ominous feeling about Cristina's kiss with Avery (who is still giving her flack about her relationship with Owen).

What's your verdict on this week's episode? Are you sad to put Grey's aside for six weeks? Did it put you in the holiday spirit or did it all seem a bit premature? Don't forget to keep the conversation rolling in the Grey's Anatomy McAddicts group in the Buzz Community!

You Asked: His Roommate Is Affecting Our Relationship

DearSugar — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Last Summer my boyfriend moved in with one of his friends. We are both very busy and usually see each other on the weekends. Most of the time I sleep at his place but things have been strange lately; it seems like my boyfriend's friend is jealous of the relationship we have. He constantly tags along and recently he has been making me feel really uncomfortable by pulling my boyfriend aside to talk to him when I am there or bringing up conversations while intentionally leaving me out of them.

I addressed my feelings with my boyfriend, and he feels that he is in an awkward spot between his girlfriend and his friend. He agrees that he's being rude but he won't make an effort to express that to him. Is it wrong to be angry at my boyfriend for his lack of support? Should I step in and address this problem myself? I just don't know what to do, but it's certainly wearing on our relationship.

- Pushed Aside Alyssa

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more.

Dear Push Aside Alyssa,

In my own experience, I've found that men are very strange when it comes to their friends in relation to their girlfriends. There a certain unspoken rules that really shouldn't be broken, and one of those seems to be about confronting each other about problems, but since this is affecting your relationship, the problem does need to be addressed. You did everything right by asking your boyfriend to speak with his friend on behalf of the both of you, but just because he feels stuck in the middle, it doesn't mean he gets to skip out on handling the issue. I would simply tell your boyfriend that you think it will make things far more awkward if you have to say something yourself, but you will if he doesn't.

If he continues to put up a fuss, try to coach him through the conversation. He should be able to get the point across to his friend without actually saying anything directly. He could just mention that he needs some alone time with his girl; it really can be that simple, or when a conversation comes up that completely excludes you, your boyfriend can do his part to loop you in. If he does it enough, his friend will get the hint!

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