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Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

Victoria Smith's Go-To Holiday Gift Ideas

CasaSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 10:00:54 -0800

I do have a few tricks up my sleeve when it comes to holiday gifts, but I'm always impressed with what my design-savvy friends give each year. So, I decided to ask some interior design "tastemakers" for their favorite go-to presents. From designers and stylists to bloggers and shop-owners, some of the brightest stars in the design world have shared their favorite holiday gift ideas with me.

To kick things off, San Francisco-based Victoria Smith of the always-inspiring blog sfgirlbybay has shared her go-to gift ideas. But, she admits she's not a huge fan of the commercial side of Christmas: "I love the white twinkling lights, and the parties and dinner gatherings with friends - the celebrations. I do love that part."

On gifts for friends: "Most of my friends and I for years have agreed to always make our gifts for each other. Even when they sometimes don't come out quite as well as you had envisioned, we give them anyway, and just have a good laugh. From homemade pillow cases, to miniature snow domes made from baby food jars, and knit scarves, we've gone through some good gifts and some good laughs."

Hear more of Victoria's favorite go-to gift ideas.

Buzz-Worthy Video: Joseph Gordon-Levitt Mellows Out

BuzzSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 10:30:41 -0800

It's no secret that I'm a big fan of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, so you know I was pysched to watch him play host on SNL this weekend. And boy, did the guy come prepared. He kicked things off with a ridiculously impressive singing-and-dancing performance of "Make 'Em Laugh" from Singin' in the Rain, but my favorite skit of the night was "The Mellow Show." Hosted by Andy Samberg as Jack Johnson and featuring Bill Hader as Dave Matthews, the guys poked fun at some of the music industry's most notoriously laid-back guitar strummers.

JGL fit right in as Jason Mraz, complete with fedora. Check out the video below for even more of Gordon-Levitt's singing skills, and be sure to keep watching for a cameo by Dave Matthews himself! To see it, just read more.

Marcia Cross Gives Thanks Early This Year

babysugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 12:30:53 -0800

Known as the buttoned-up and tightly wound kitchen queen on Desperate Housewives, Marcia Cross appears to be quite the opposite when seen about town toting her two tots to the local playground for a swing in the park or a roll in the grass. Though the multitasking mum certainly has her hands full and plenty of mouths to feed in her own home, the drama mama took time out of her Sunday afternoon to dish on motherhood, balancing a career, her fortunate life and how she gives back to the community.

How do you teach your children about giving back?

I have to be very honest and say that I'm in this very strange interim of wanting the world to seem like this perfect lovely place because they're 2-and-a-half... to then introducing them to the idea that other people have less. It's going to start soon, I think around the holidays. The way I try to do it is in simple ways. I have things in the house and I say, "Why don't we give this to so and so?" And I will say somebody else's child and "If you're finished with that, why don't you give that to so and so?" I've noticed that they'll come up with that on their own now, which makes me so happy... I can't yet go to the place where there are other kids that are hungry... maybe in another year. I don't know exactly. I think just teaching empathy and then teaching giving in that sort of way is how I've started and hopefully it will grow from there in terms of how lucky we are... We say Grace and we say prayers at night. Prayers to me is just sitting around and saying what you're grateful for. One answer that my daughter Eden says all the time, which I love, is "Outside," which is such a beautiful thing to say thank you for, which we take for granted.

What kinds of things do the girls do to make you laugh?

My girls are really funny. They're actually little jokesters. They do twists on words already, or I call them my little minxies. They dance, they do imitations of other kids dancing, they make up songs, they make up lyrics. It's all so silly but I think every mother just adores their own child and I'm the same way. They make me laugh all the time.

To see what the striking redhead has to say about balancing motherhood and her career, her character Bree, and what she is most thankful for, read more.

Are there any similarities between Bree and Marcia Cross?

Wow. I wish there were more because she's so organized and such the domestic diva, which I am not. But I think in her own twisted way, Bree has a big heart and a passion for life. Although, I'm thinking about what she's doing right now and we don't have that in common... she's having a little extra passion right now (giggle). At the moment, I'm going to say there's a little less in common than more.

How do you raise your kids and have a career?

I think some days I do it more gracefully than others. And other days it takes its tolls. Like any parent, I go through times where things are going great and then I have a week where both of my daughters are sick and so I'm trying to juggle work and home-life and it's hard and it's stressful and I think it would be unrealistic to say otherwise. I think that mothers manage an incredible workload. Whether you're a stay-at-home mother or you have a job as well, it's a very full life and certainly one that I dreamed about and always wanted. And even given that there are days that are challenging, because you can only be in so many places at once... whether it's at work or with your kids, or sometimes you just really want a nap so it's a full-time job.

What are you thankful for?

Health. Health of my family, health of my friends, health of my parents, who thank God, are still with me. I'm grateful that I have a family that I always dreamed about. I'm grateful for the job that I have. I get to do what I love. I'm grateful that I get the opportunity to be a spokesperson for things I feel are important.

This Thanksgiving, Marcia is encouraging all Facebook mommies to go to My Chinet's Facebook page where they can pick a plate, decorate it and show it on their profile page. By doing this, mommy will feed her soul and donate to the cause of filling someone else's stomach this holiday season.

The View Ladies Have a Case of Inappropriate Giggles

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:00:02 -0800

Sofía Vergara, the young, Latina wife on Modern Family, went on The View today. Things got off to an awkward enough start when Joy asked the Colombian actress, "So you really talk like that?" but then things got worse. Like rape worse. The hosts remarked on how young she is to have an 18-year-old son, and Sherri joked that Sofía must have had him when she was 12." Then Sofía took the joke much, much further saying, "No, no, 13. I was raped." What?! Silence. Now let's all laugh and make it go away. So they did, and Barbara steered the conversation into the less-felony-ish waters of motherhood.

In all fairness, I don't think I could've handled this much better. Obviously, it was nervous laughter from bewilderment and embarrassment. But what a clip it makes!

Buzz Interview: Eric Stonestreet on Playing Modern Family's New Dad Cam

BuzzSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:30:49 -0800

Freshman comedy Modern Family has filled a void in my life - I find myself laughing out loud each week, and I'm not the only one digging it. A huge part of the show's greatness can be attributed to its amazing cast; one of my favorites is Cameron - one half of a same-sex couple adjusting to life with a new baby. Eric Stonestreet, who plays Cam, sat down with me to talk about the show's crazy success and the real-life experience he used to portray a clown in next week's episode, "Fizbo."

On whether he expected the show to be so successful: No. I had a very, very good idea that based on the writers’ history and their very extensive careers that we had a really, really good shot at being something great. Anybody that tells you in this business they knew it was going to be this well-received is crazy. Actually, being this well-received makes you a little nervous.
On whether the success is a surprise: It’s a bit of a surprise with how outwardly supportive the critics have been, but by the same token, how outwardly supportive and sort of in love with the show fans have been. I think that’s the thing that really feels like lightning in a bottle - when you have both of those things in place. Typically, you have huge fan support and the critics tell you it’s the worst thing they’ve ever seen, or you have critical acclaim and the fans are like, 'what is this show, we don’t get it.' So I think the fact that we have both is rare and exciting.

To hear Eric spilling about upcoming episodes of Modern Family and his clown college rejection, just read more.

On his real-life clown experience: I, as a kid, have early documented pictures of me being very intrigued by clowns. The circus came to town in Kansas City every year around my birthday, so naturally my parents took me for my birthday. Once I saw that clowns were people with makeup and funny wigs and costumes, I was in. By nine, I was getting clown suits made for me by my Grandma Louise, at 11 there were articles written about me in Kansas City about how I wanted to become a one-man show performing for senior citizens and kids forever. You’ll see that article in the episode "Fizbo" that was written about me then. I didn’t want to be an actor; I always wanted to be a clown, and acting sort of found me when I was in college. So to be able to bring back what inspired me to act as a kid to prime time is more than I would have ever imagined possible for myself.
On whether he'd be a clown now if he weren't an actor: No. I auditioned for Barnum and Bailey Clown College and they denied me twice. They did not let me in, those clowns.
On what's next for Cameron, Mitchell, and baby Lily: We have an episode coming up where we’re Ferberizing the baby when she won’t go to sleep, and Mitchell is very much committed to letting her cry it out, and Cameron of course can’t for the life of him imagine why you would let a baby cry it out like that, so there’s drama there. It’s what’s great about the show - yeah, they’re a couple of guys raising a baby, but the focus really on that relationship is the challenges of a relationship, the challenges of parenthood, and just trying to find the happy medium of keeping up a relationship while raising a kid.
On the holiday episode: We have the Christmas episode coming up, where you find out that Cameron had created a choir group, a caroling group, a few years back and he was removed and kicked out of his own caroling group by one of the carolers. That episode is really about forgiveness and the Christmas spirit. It’s a very sweet episode.
On his dream guest stars: I can’t imagine who else they’re going to get. That’s the brilliance and awe-inspiring aspect of this show, that people are watching it and people are enjoying it and willing to participate. I can’t wait to see who they find for Cameron’s parents. I have some ideas of who I want, but I’ll be excited to see who’s coming.

What to Netflix: New DVD Tuesday

BuzzSugar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:30:00 -0800

There's a silver lining to TV shows going into reruns, and it's more time to watch movies! Happily, today there are a few highly-anticipated flicks, and I've gone through them to tell you What to Netflix. In addition to the three movies mentioned below, you can also catch Robert Pattinson's pre-Twilight dramedy How to Be.

Star Trek

This year's updated version of Star Trek turned the franchise on its head. With hot young things Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto in the beloved roles of Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, the film completely changed the series' history so they could start over with a fresh new story.

It worked like gangbusters: the space-set action movie is clever, entertaining, and tons of fun. It manages to make a sex symbol out of a pointy-eared geek, whom I personally drooled over. The movie manages to pay respect to the original, so those fans are still happy, while pleasing folks who weren't fans of the first (like myself).

The DVD's got lots of extras, including deleted scenes, a special feature on casting and a gag reel.
95%

See two more movies releasing today when you read more.

Bruno

Sacha Baron Cohen's mockumentary follow up to 2006's wildly successful Borat, Bruno is more of the same: cringe-worthy setups that make for laughs. This time, though, the envelope that was pushed in the former is torn to pieces in the latter. It's not for the faint of heart or easily offended, but if you like Baron Cohen's humor, you'll appreciate the awkward-beyond-words situations.

I was torn - I wanted to laugh as hard as I did at Borat, but most of the time I was just wincing.

DVD extras include alternate and deleted scenes, as well as enhanced commentary.

67%

My Sister's Keeper

Need a good cry? Rent the tearjerker My Sister's Keeper. The drama stars Cameron Diaz as a mother presiding over her Leukemia-stricken daughter Kate, and the child they had in order to provide a kidney donor for Kate, Anna - who's played wonderfully by Abigail Breslin. When Anna sues her own parents for the rights to decide what to do with her own body, Diaz and her husband Jason Patric try to figure out what's really going with her.

I was definitely moved by the film, but you'd have to be made of stone not to, considering the subject matter. If you read the book, take heed: the ending in the film isn't exactly the same.

47%

Reynolds and Faris Are Ready to Share TMI

BuzzSugar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 10:30:31 -0800

Confession time: I'm kind of a sucker for Ryan Reynolds, and Just Friends is one of my guilty pleasure movies. So imagine my excitement about this morning's news that Reynolds is teaming up with Anna Faris once again for the upcoming comedy TMI. They'll play a couple who learns that "while honesty is the best policy for a relationship, 'too much information' might not be the best thing."

It already sounds like a premise we've seen before in movies like Liar Liar and The Invention of Lying, but I have faith in Reynolds's chemistry with Faris and both actors' comedic timing. On the other hand, this could definitely end up as one of those over-the-top movies that grosses you out more than it makes you laugh (I'm already predicting a fair amount of overshare about bodily functions).

Are you all for this reunion, or should Ryan Reynolds keep sticking with more serious projects (or even just ones with better titles)?

PopSugarUK Meets The New Moon Cast Part Three: Robert on Music, Immortality and Harry Potter Versus Twilight!

PopSugarUK — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 05:55:18 -0800

Robert Pattinson is back in Los Angeles ahead of New Moon's premiere tonight, bringing his promotional tour of Europe to a close. I was lucky enough to meet Robert, Kristen and Taylor when they visited London, and Rob looked gorgeous in a white shirt and suit, which he later wore to the UK fan event. I've already brought you Rob and Kristen's response to questions about their relationship, as well as the pair's revelations about their kissing scenes, and now I've got the lowdown on Rob's future music plans, what he thinks about immortality versus ageing, and the differences between working on Harry Potter and Twilight:

On whether he's concerned Twilight will overshadow his music:
"I want to do gigs again, and I guess the only way to do gigs is you have to get an album to silence everyone and then you can play as many gigs as you want. I really miss it. I am really afraid of being overshadowed by it. That's why I haven't done any gigs or released anything for ages. I think it does make you set your standards higher, because you need to overshadow this massive thing, so it's tough. You've got to be winning Grammys before you do another open-mic [laughs]."

There's still lots to come from all three stars, but for now, to find out what Robert had to say about immortality and the differences between Harry Potter and Twilight, read more.

On whether immortality would be a good thing or a bad thing:
"It depends. If I stayed my exact same mental capacity then I would not want to be immortal [laughs]. I don't know. I wouldn't want to be considered young forever. I like the innate wisdom that comes with being old. People just think you know more, and treat you with a little bit more respect. I'd like to be able to just choose however old I am whenever I wanted."
On the differences between working on the Harry Potter and Twilight franchises:
"When I went into Harry Potter it was the fourth one, everybody knew each other. The crew had been working together for 10 years... people had married each other! Everything was so well oiled. Starting Twilight, I don't know if it would be like the first Harry Potter, but it's interesting to see there's so many different warring energies. The studio knew they had a trilogy at the time so it seemed like people think that certain criteria need to met to set up that kind of franchise. Catherine obviously had an Indie background, me and Kristen really had strong people, so it was a very volatile set in a lot of ways. But the success of the first one made everything clear for the second."

Rob's clearly an intelligent and funny guy. Check out video footage of Robert at the UK press conference, and watch his interview with Molly too. Stay tuned for my next installment of cast interviews, where Taylor reveals all about stunt work, hobbies and getting into Bella's mind!

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Rob, Kristen, and Taylor Are This Week's Entertainment

BuzzSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:56:22 -0800

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner have been posing for photo ops all over town - check out Pop's favorite promo tour moments - and it wouldn't be complete without an interview with Entertainment Weekly. In the cute interview, the costars quip about everything from Rob's attachment to his signature hair to Kristen's confession that she'd like to quit smoking to Taylor's obsession with hitting the gym for New Moon. There're also tidbits about Rob and Kristen's off-screen relationship and how Robert handles fandom. They're clearly a tight-knight trio, so check out the highlights below. If you can't get enough Twilight, keep the convos going in the Twilight Saga community group, and be sure to check back next week for my own interview with Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz!

Robert Pattinson on his hair in Eclipse: I swear to you I’ve never experienced anything like this. It's every single day. In Twilight, they wanted me to have extensions down to my hips.
Kristen Stewart: He's a liar. He doesn't remember. He's remembering how they made him feel, but they were just, like, down to here [pointing to her shoulders].
Pattinson: So I told them, "Look, that's just not going to happen." I said, "It looks like this already – I'll come to set like this." I sound so stupid, but in a lot of ways the hair is 75 percent of my performance, so in the second one I said, "Listen, I need to tone down the hair. Let's make it a little more real, a little bit more . . . Method.” [Laughs] And then in the third one, I'm doing fight scenes and there's a strand going down my forehead and they're like, "We need to do it again because no one will recognize you! No one will know who it is!" I'm like, really, is my face that generic?
Stewart: They want proof that you're doing your own stunts, man!
Pattinson: I have to look like the poster at all times. Just in case they want to use any clip for the trailer. Any clip at all! There were about five people in different departments who, because of my forelock, ended up in tears.

For tons of more quotes, just read more.

EW: How are you all coping with living in a fishbowl?
Pattinson: It really depends on the mood. When I met you last year [before Twilight came out], I was doing interviews very sporadically and I never got recognized. Now it's like anywhere I go there's immediate recognition. So there's more of a responsibility . . .
Stewart: I don't mind working every day. It's just, suddenly, I have this other role. And that's really disappointing. All I'd like to do is go outside with a book and figure out what to do with the day. And if I can't do that, then I'm just going to sit in my hotel room on my balcony and chain smoke. [Pauses] I'm going to stop smoking. I'm not such a good smoker, anyway. It's not in my bones. I'm gonna drop it.
Pattinson: The three of us have been working for two years [straight]. It does feel like your day has a shape just as soon as you wake up. I just forget what it's like when you're free.
EW: Taylor, you're the only one who almost lost a shot at the sequels. Do you have a different relationship with fame because you had to fight for your job?
Lautner: No, I kept my eye on the prize 100 percent of the time. I was motivated. I wasn't even thinking about anything else.
Stewart: Thank God you got the job. I wouldn't have wanted to deal with you if you didn’t. After all those months of working out!
Lautner: I just wanted to focus on what I could control, and I worked really hard.
EW: You mean in the gym? Because I see your abs everywhere these days.
Lautner: Yeah, the gym was a major part, but I really studied the books and the character, too. And it all turned out good.
EW: Kristen, it must be nice to watch the guys' appearances get obsessed over for a change.
Stewart: Seriously, it's a trip to sit back and look at the sexual objectification of these dudes. I've never been asked to do any of this stuff.
EW: You guys are lucky. You clearly all dig each other.
Lautner: The amount of time we have to spend with each other – if I didn't like these two, it would be exhausting.
EW: Rob, you made Remember Me this summer, between sequels. Was that the set in New York, where you were knocked into a cab by hordes of fans?
Pattinson: That was completely made up. I was walking across the street, and there was one cab going about one mile an hour and it nudged my leg. The story ended up being how I got hit by a cab because of a mob of screaming fans, [but] it was 4 o'clock in the morning and there was one person there – a paparazzi. . . . And then there was another time – apparently they said on the news that I had a drug overdose. The security guy saw it on TV, and I wasn't in my room, and he was like, "Uh-oh!" It's just so weird. I wake up and my room is too messy to order room service, and so I end up eating a pack of M&M’s for breakfast – and it takes me about five hours to find it. That's my first five hours of the day. [Laughing] And then you see the news and think, "Who cares if he had a drug overdose? It would probably make him more interesting!"
EW: Kristen and Rob, why do you think people are so obsessed with the state of your off-screen relationship?
Pattinson: Good question. That's a little thing I have to think about every day.
Stewart: Maybe it's just my personality, but I'm never going to answer it. I probably would've answered it if people hadn't made such a big deal about it. But I'm not going to give the fiending an answer. I know that people are really funny about "Well, you chose to be an actor, why don’t you just f---ing give your whole life away? Can I have your firstborn child?"
EW: You don’t think just saying, for example, "Listen, we dated for a few months, it was weird, we're better off as friends" would end the speculation?
Pattinson: No way.
Stewart: People are deeply judgmental and I'm not strong enough. I would love to be like, "I don't care what anybody thinks." But I'm a very private person. And think about every hypothetical answer: "Okay, we are. We aren't. I’m a lesbian." I've thought about this a lot. There's no answer that's not going to tip you one way or the other. I'm just trying to keep something. If people started asking me if I was dating Taylor, I'd be like, "F--- off." I would answer the exact same way."