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The How-To Lounge: Bridal Shower Etiquette

DearSugar — Mon, 12 May 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Traditionally a bridal shower is an opportunity for women to get together to "shower" the bride in the presents that she’ll need to make a home. While certainly times have changed in terms of wedding etiquette, generally, bridal showers have remained the same. To find out some basic shower etiquette and ways to make this traditional event more contemporary, read more.

Typically the shower is thrown and planned by the maid of honor and/or a female relative - the bride’s mother may be involved in the planning, but she's not in charge of the occasion.
Women who are not invited to the wedding should not be asked to attend the bridal shower. However, of the wedding invitees, feel free to ask everyone from coworkers to great-grandmothers.
Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to have a co-ed shower, which is usually thrown at night and is more similar to a traditional engagement party. But if you're planning the occasion, be sure to check in with the bride and groom and see what works for them.
Showers usually take place four to eight weeks before the wedding day in order to ensure the bride isn’t completely overwhelmed with scheduling right before the big day. If multiple showers are being thrown, the more time that’s given the better. You want the bride’s shower to be special, not another thing she has to stress over.
Formal invitations are expected for bridal showers. If you're following a specific theme, make sure to either utilize it in the look of the invitation or mention it within. While the invites can include an insert mentioning the couple’s website and gift registry, it's best not to include that information on the invitation itself.
Though many showers incorporate games and themes, neither of these are necessary. Just make sure that whatever is chosen works for the brides and keeps in mind that women of all ages will be attending.

Bridal showers may not be as exciting a bachelorette party, but they should still be fun, so don't be afraid to think outside of the box and try something totally untraditional!

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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Party Foul: Not Greeting Your Guests

partysugar — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 03:30:42 -0700

At female-centric events like baby showers or bachelorette parties, it's easy for cliques to form and cattiness to flourish. Recently, my sister attended a bridal shower where the majority of guests went to the same high school. However some girls, despite knowing my sister, were cold and unfriendly. To make matters worse, the hostess did not say one word to her! While I understand that everyone present may not get along, it's totally unacceptable for the hostess to ignore her guests. It's up to the hostess to ensure that gossip and grudges don't ruin the party. This means that she must put aside any hard feelings and greet everyone equally.

Have you ever been to a party where the hostess made you feel unwelcome? Please share your stories below!

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Must Read: Colin Cowie Wedding Chic

partysugar — Tue, 26 May 2009 08:00:58 -0700

Colin Cowie is one of the world's most extravagant party planners. He's known for his outrageous chicness and attention to detail. While he's planned stylish soirees for Oprah and other famous celebrities, he's also helped many brides create the perfect wedding. His latest book, Colin Cowie Wedding Chic ($26.40), is an extensive guide that provides ideas for celebrating every moment of the big day. It's a great resource if you're getting married. To find out more about it, read more.

Pros:

Cowie leaves no detail undiscussed. The book is broken up into ten informative sections including bouquets and other ceremony flowers, centerpieces, reception decor, ritual and ceremony, etc.
The tone is conversational, yet informative. It's a very easy read.
It's filled with inspirational ideas (many with corresponding color photographs) taken from real weddings that Cowie planned.

Cons:

The book's focus is on the wedding day. There is no mention of other wedding related events such as the engagement party, bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, etc.
Many of the weddings illustrated are lush and over the top making it obvious that they were planned with an unlimited budget.

It's a hard covered heavy book: you won't be able to toss it in a purse and bring it to a meeting with caterers.

Imagery: The spectacular photographs make this book. Each page has at least one picture, and the entire tome is filled with hundreds of beautiful color photos.

Overall: If the sky is the limit for your big day or if you're in need of wedding inspiration, get yourself a copy of this book. However, if you're looking for a knowledgeable manual that discusses every aspect of planning a wedding - choosing an event planner, bridal party etiquette, planning the rehearsal dinner, etc. - you might want to consider another book.

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How-To: Register For Your Wedding

CasaSugar — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 07:00:15 -0700

Planning your wedding can be stressful, but the fun part is registering for gifts! Unfortunately, some people get carried away at the thought of all the presents coming their way and register spontaneously, not methodically. You have to remember that you're going to live with these gifts, and your friends and family are spending real money on them, so you better like them! Beyond that, you should think about what you need, not what you want, so you can really "set up house" - that's kind of the point. I have a few tips that will make it all easy for you. To hear them, read more.

Consider your timeline. If you're having any sort of engagement party, try to register by the time the invitations for that party go out, making sure you've covered all the price points. Many of your friends and family will want to buy your engagement and wedding gifts as soon as they hear about the engagement and get it out of the way. Don't feel rushed; you can always go back and add more items later on. If you're not having an engagement party, about nine months before your wedding day is a good time to register; it doesn't make you seem as if you're either rushing or procrastinating.
Do your Spring cleaning, and take note of what you already have and what you need for your home.
Then, get together and make a list of things you both want for your home.
Before you start checking boxes, cruise around to a bunch of stores and decide which one or which few suit your tastes the most. Stick to three stores or fewer to keep things uncomplicated, and make sure one of them is a national department store like Bloomingdale's or Macy's.
Most major stores have some sort of registry system, if not an online one. However, if you love a certain boutique or specialty store, they may not. But most will be more than willing to work something out with you, so just ask!
Go through all the questions. Figure out what kind of return policy each store has, how shipping works, whether they take phone orders, whether they have an online database to track orders, etc. Your older generation of friends and family may only want to shop by phone or in store, so there should be something available for them. And it's ideal to be able to track the orders as they come in, so you can add more items at different price points, or remove items if need be.
Use our downloadable registry guide to make sure you've covered all the bases for your housewares, and go ahead and register with each store, giving as much detail as possible to make it easy on guests. Choose size, color, brand, etc.
You can also use MyRegistry to register online from a variety of sources, giving your friends and family a central place to shop for you.
OK, so let's say you already have all the table runners and Le Creuset pans you could ever want. What then? Nowadays it's not uncommon to have an alternative registry. If you'd like, you can register with a charity or even to pay for your honeymoon. Although it's not the most proper of moves, if you really need help with your finances, you can even register for stocks or cash for big ticket items you may need.
Once you're registered, there's some etiquette you should follow for getting the word out. It's a bit taboo to send your registry information out with your invitation. If you have a website for your wedding, you can post it discreetly there. It's also common to have your maid of honor send out the details with the invitations for your bridal shower, and the same for the bachelor party. You can ask your family members to pass the word along to the guests as well. And, if your guests ask you up front where you are registered, go ahead! If you are sending out a package to your guests with other details about the wedding (maps, hotel information, etc.) apart from the invitation, you can slip in a printed card with the registry information.
Most registries remain active for at least a year after the big day so guests can make purchases after the fact. And many stores will give you a discount on the items that weren't purchased, so that you can buy them for yourself.

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Five Bridal Shower Theme Ideas

TresSugar — Mon, 04 May 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Bridal showers might not have the flair of bachelorette parties, but they should be just as fun! There's a lot of etiquette to consider when planning a traditional wedding shower, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have fun with it. Here are some theme suggestions that could make the event even more exciting for the bride and the guests. Source

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You Asked: Am I Being Bridezilla?

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I recently got engaged, and my fiancé and I are planning a small destination wedding. We both come from fairly large families and them alone is already 50 guests, which leaves very little room for friends.

I am curious to see what the general opinion is about having a small destination wedding (50 or so) and then having another party, say in my hometown, where all of our family, friends, and extended family could attend. I know a destination wedding might be too pricey for some of our guests so I want to be able to accommodate everyone. I know etiquette dictates that if you invite someone to an engagement party or shower you should also invite them to the wedding, but is asking certain guests to attend one wedding and not the other in poor taste? And is asking other guests to attend both selfish? I don't want to be looked at as a Bridezilla! - Planning My Wedding Miranda

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Planning My Wedding Miranda,

There are millions of etiquette books out there that dictate all sorts of rules about weddings, but when it comes down to it, your wedding day is all about how you and your fiancé want to celebrate your love. If you wish to have a destination wedding (perhaps it'd be best if you only invited immediate family) and then have a larger party for those guests that couldn't travel with you, by all means do it! If you have some overlapping guests, be mindful that they might not be able to commit to both celebrations. If that's the case, don't take the decision of those who decline personally.

Of course no one aims to be a Bridezilla, so just be mindful of your big day: remember that it's about the marriage, not the wedding. Though your wedding will no doubt be one of the most memorable days of your life, if you keep everything in perspective, I'm sure you'll be an even-keeled bride! Good luck to you.

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You Asked: Do I Have a Right to Feel Cheated?

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I had a decent size wedding of about 120 people. Each guest cost my parents about $130. One family we invited sticks out in particular. Eight people in their party showed up (all adults) and when it came time to open gifts after the wedding, theirs was $100 - $100 from eight grown, working adults!! My husband and I were both shocked initially because the family is pretty well-off, but my husband decided we should let it go.

We've been married for over a year now and I can't seem to completely get over this. They are family friends of my husband so I hate to mention it to him, but it still hurts me to this day. I know I'm being selfish, but do I have a right to feel kind of cheated? I would never dare approach the family about it, but I've lost a lot of respect for them. In fact, their daughter (who attended our wedding) is getting married at the end of the month and I'm tempted to skimp out on her gift just in spite. Are my feelings justified? And when it comes to wedding gifts, what are the general rules anyway? - Holding a Grudge Gretta

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Holding a Grudge Gretta,

Giving a gift of $100 from eight people is definitely a little cheap, but you might not know what their financial situation is - while they appear to have a lot of money, times are tough right now for pretty much everyone. With that said, you have a right to be a little annoyed, sure, but since a year has past, I'd say it's time to just let it go. If you're tempted to be stingy with this woman's wedding gift, go ahead, but I think the better option would be to rise above your anger, be the bigger person, and give them a moderate wedding gift as if nothing happened.

When it comes to wedding etiquette, there are no black and white rules. I prefer to think of each wedding on a case-by-case basis. Factor in what you've already done for the couple: if you've given the couple a shower and engagement gift, bought a bridesmaid dress, or traveled far just to attend their wedding, I think it's perfectly acceptable to give a less expensive gift. If the wedding is the only event you've attended, I suggest purchasing something off their registry in a price range that fits your financial situation - anywhere from $50 to $100 is adequate. Consider how close you are to the couple as well, but like I said before, there are no real rules so do whatever feels right. I hope I was of some help!

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Wedding Parties Week in Review

DearSugar — Sat, 17 May 2008 09:21:30 -0700

Just in case you missed any of the wedding party week coverage here on Dear, you can check out my recap below!

Coed parties are the new trend, but are they a good idea or a bad idea?
Learn all the proper etiquette when it comes to throwing a bachelorette party or bridal shower.
What do you think? How many pre-wedding parties are too many?
Managing family issues during your wedding can be a real struggle, so check out my advice for dealing with a demanding sister-in-law, estranged relatives, and a familial rift.
Would you want to know what goes on at your man's bachelor party?
Make sure to check out the newest installment in Dear's wedding timeline series for your wedding planning needs.
Bachelorette parties can range from totally wild to spa-day relaxing. What kind do you want?
When it comes to party entertainment, are bridal shower games and penis paraphernalia dos or don'ts?

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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You Asked: Do I Have to Buy a Gift For Every Party?

DearSugar — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm a bridesmaid this Summer in the wedding of one of my closest friends. She comes from a a very traditional Southern family, and she is having a ton of parties to celebrate her upcoming nuptials. Since I'm in her wedding party, I'm invited to all of them. I'd love to attend them all if I can, but buying a gift for all these parties is really going to break my bank. Is it tacky as a bridesmaid not to bring a present to every occasion? - Broke Brook

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Broke Brook,

I've said it once and I'll say it again - being in a wedding is expensive, and there are no right or wrong answers when it comes to bridesmaid etiquette. When a bride asks you to be a part of her special day, she's asking you to do her a big favor, so my advice to you is to attend what you can, but try not to feel obligated to make an appearance at every party, let alone bring a gift to each one. When you factor in travel costs, dress costs, hair and makeup costs, and buying engagement party and shower gifts, it's no wonder being a bridesmaid can make your bank account feel depleted.

If you do decide to attend every event and you don't want to come empty-handed, buy something less expensive off the couple's registry, such as kitchen towels, a cookbook, or that great wooden spoon they've had their eyes on. If you don't mind coming empty-handed, I'm pretty certain your bride will just be honored to have you there. Now if this specific wedding is one of many this Spring, try to make it to at least one of her events. Since you're a part of her wedding day, chances are you're one of her closest friends so hopefully she'll be understanding about your time and budget constraints.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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2nd Baby Shower Etiquette

DearSugar — Tue, 23 May 2006 06:04:07 -0700

Dear Sugar
What is the etiquette for second baby showers? I have a friend who had a baby 18 months ago and is having another shower for her 2nd child. People I talk to are outraged that she has the nerve to have another shower. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, especially if she found out that the second baby is a different sex than the first. What do you think? Is there a time limit? What if her first child was 4 years old? Would that make a difference? Confused Caren

Dear Confused Caren
I've heard of these. They are called "Sprinkles" - baby showers for the second child that is a different sex. But I don't really agree with them. I think that it's pretty tacky to have another shower. How much can you ask of your friends? First you get married and there are engagement, shower and wedding gifts surrounding those events and then you have a baby shower. If someone offers to throw you a shower and you would like to celebrate the pregnancy then sure, go for it - it's understandable that you will need things for a newborn. But asking for gifts again is over the top. You've already got the basics from your 18 month old, so you are basically just asking for girly stuff this time around. I don't think that's right. Your good friends are going to give you gifts anyway. But remember, if you do choose to go, then you are obligated to bring a gift