Cue the drums of war — the freshly acquired Beats by Dre is out to outsport Nike and Adidas before the World Cup. If you haven't watched its soap-drama saga of a trailer, the five-minute-long The Game Before the Game ad, scroll down and get ready for a heart-pumping, spiritual soccer experience.
It's a worthy watch for the eye candy alone: Brazil's Neymar Jr., Uruguay's Luis Suarez, and the Netherlands' Robin van Persie all show their pregame rituals in the dramatic teaser. But between the ad's baby Jesus wearing a tiny soccer jersey and random cameos by Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj, we're left completely confused: what on earth is Beats' World Cup ad really about? In what follows, five theories as to what Dre is trying to tell us.
1. Soccer is religion.
Soo . . . can we talk about that soccer jersey-wearing baby Jesus?
2. Soccer players are warriors, and the World Cup is their battlefield.
Doesn't the ad's "Jungle" track by Jamie N Commons & The X Ambassadors totally remind you of Savages from Pocahontas?
3. Never take your Beats off. Even in the bathroom.
Germany's Bastian Schweinsteiger wears his Beats to wash his socks while they're on his feet still — and so should you.
4. A Beats-themed major motion picture?!
This ad even has its own poster.
5. It's a guide to on-field swagger.
If Javier Chicharito walking down that hallway isn't swagger, than I don't know what is.