Cue the drums of war — the freshly acquired [1] Beats by Dre is out to outsport Nike and Adidas before the World Cup. If you haven't watched its soap-drama saga of a trailer, the five-minute-long The Game Before the Game [2] ad, scroll down and get ready for a heart-pumping, spiritual soccer experience.
It's a worthy watch for the eye candy alone: Brazil's Neymar Jr., Uruguay's Luis Suarez, and the Netherlands' Robin van Persie all show their pregame rituals in the dramatic teaser. But between the ad's baby Jesus wearing a tiny soccer jersey and random cameos by Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj, we're left completely confused: what on earth is Beats' World Cup ad really about? In what follows, five theories as to what Dre is trying to tell us.
1. Soccer is religion.
Soo . . . can we talk about that soccer jersey-wearing baby Jesus [3]?
2. Soccer players are warriors, and the World Cup is their battlefield.
Doesn't the ad's "Jungle" track by Jamie N Commons & The X Ambassadors totally remind you of Savages [4] from Pocahontas?
3. Never take your Beats off. Even in the bathroom.
Germany's Bastian Schweinsteiger wears his Beats to wash his socks while they're on his feet still — and so should you.
4. A Beats-themed major motion picture?!
This ad even has its own poster [5].
5. It's a guide to on-field swagger.
If Javier Chicharito walking down that hallway isn't swagger, than I don't know what is.