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If a Guy Won't Call, But Texts and Emails, Am I Getting Played?

Tech Dating 101: He Texts, But Won't Call — Am I Being Played?

Welcome back to my Tech Dating 101 series, where I help guide you through the rocky terrain where tech and love collide. It's a wired world out there, and if this next story is any proof, it's hard to tell the difference between a geek and a player. A friend of mine offered up this situation that she recently went through in hopes to gain some insight from me, as well as from you.

She met a guy through a friend who was a total charmer and seemed to be right up her alley in the looks and personality department. After a few weeks of arranging meet-ups via text and email, she realized she couldn't get him on the phone. He somehow got out of every telephone conversation, and ended up conversing online or through a series of texts. She wants to know: "Am I getting played?"

Find out my answer to this question and hear my advice to her about this phone call challenged dude when you

.

My first instinct is to tell her to drop this guy like a hot potato — anyone who can't converse with you over the phone has got to be hiding something, right? Maybe he's sending you texts because he's too busy with his bevvy of other babes to risk speaking to you when you call. It seems kinda shady.

But on the other hand, maybe this guy isn't wise to the rules of dating, or perhaps he's just text obsessed. In any case, someone has to lay down the law about proper texting etiquette, and it looks like it may be you. If you can't carry on a normal phone conversation with your prospective beau (and that type of thing is important to you), you may want to move on. However, if everything seems normal in person (with great conversation to boot), he may just be one of those guys that doesn't like to chit-chat over the phone.

Either way, my only real advice here is to follow your gut! If the situation seems fishy to you, and you can't shake the uneasiness about this phone call road block, then swim on. There are plenty of other guppies in the sea, my friend, and there's no need to spend this much time worrying about a guy you just met.

Source

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moco-cocoa moco-cocoa 4 years
I'm rocking on the same boat as u .... I've have been dating this guy for bout 5 months and have had 5 dates during this period. and plus the only convo we have is over text :( i'm confused ..... any suggestions ? thank u
moco-cocoa moco-cocoa 4 years
I'm rocking on the same boat as u .... I've have been dating this guy for bout 5 months and have had 5 dates during this period. and plus the only convo we have is over text :( i'm confused ..... any suggestions ? thank u
yttwj yttwj 6 years
don't care how awkward and uncomfortable a real phone call, or direct contact with other human beings is. That's part of dating and dealing with other people. The more you avoid it, the worse you'll be at it. And the point of dating is increasinTiffany Ringsg your skill at social interaction, not hiding behind your phone. I cut people some slack when I meet them, but if they're not willing to interact via phone it doesn't work for me.
yttwj yttwj 6 years
If it's more than "I'll be 5 mins late, meet you there" texts and he's trying to have whole conversations without actually speaking, you might have a problem. I'd think it's more likely a problem in the socially incompetent direction before the huge sleazebag direction though. I don't care how awkward and uncomfortable a real phone call, or direct contact with other human beings is. That's part of dating and <a href="http://www.happytiffany.com/Gucci/Gucci-Necklaces.html" target="_blank">Gucci Necklaces</a>dealing with other people. The more you avoid it, the worse you'll be at it. And the point of dating is increasing your skill at social interaction, not hiding behind your phone. I cut people some slack when I meet them, but if they're not willing to interact via phone it doesn't work for me.
yttwj yttwj 6 years
If it's more than "I'll be 5 mins late, meet you there" texts and he's trying to have whole conversations without actually speaking, you might have a problem. I'd think it's more likely a problem in the socially incompetent direction before the huge sleazebag direction though. I don't care how awkward and uncomfortable a real phone call, or direct contact with other human beings is. That's part of dating and Gucci Necklacesdealing with other people. The more you avoid it, the worse you'll be at it. And the point of dating is increasing your skill at social interaction, not hiding behind your phone. I cut people some slack when I meet them, but if they're not willing to interact via phone it doesn't work for me.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
I would think there's something going on. A few texts is OK but you can't really go forever that way. Maybe the best thing to do is text back, call me. Call me. Call me. CALL ME.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
I would think there's something going on. A few texts is OK but you can't really go forever that way. Maybe the best thing to do is text back, call me. Call me. Call me. CALL ME.
TidalWave TidalWave 6 years
lol @ text obsessed!! I hate talking on the phone. It is soooo uncomfortable and awkward. I would much rather just text someone, especially if we're just making plans or something. I don't see this as shady.
lscrabtr lscrabtr 6 years
Another phone-phobic chiming in... I can't stand them, and will avoid them like the dickens. As a geek, I was thrilled when phones started offering e-mail since I communicate much more openly there, and it finally justified lugging around a mobile communication devise.I don't think he's necessarily being shady. You can be shady all sorts of ways and still talk on the phone...
lscrabtr lscrabtr 6 years
Another phone-phobic chiming in... I can't stand them, and will avoid them like the dickens. As a geek, I was thrilled when phones started offering e-mail since I communicate much more openly there, and it finally justified lugging around a mobile communication devise. I don't think he's necessarily being shady. You can be shady all sorts of ways and still talk on the phone...
allieperez allieperez 6 years
Berlin...I'm with you 100%. I don't understand why I have a cell phone as I rarely talk on it. I text more than anything and my new guy and I text huge conversations but our phone speak is maybe 10 minutes some days. I don't think it's shady. What makes it shady is the guy himself. If he treats you great and only texts so what. But if it sounds like he's hiding something and texts I'd be wary. I'm hoping this made sense because I'm wiped from my long day.
Berlin Berlin 6 years
I do the same thing as this guy...I loathe speaking on the phone and will get out of it at all costs, but I will sit and text huge conversations. You aren't attached to the phone that way and you can be actually more honest through texts b/c you don't have to deal with the awkwardness or nervousness that some people get when speaking directly. And if you're trying to flirt and aren't that good at it, or trying to impress someone you get to really think about your responses. Also for some phone plans, like mine lol, you may have far more texting ability than minutes available. I know as far as I'm concerned, it's not shady. If he doesn't text her or call then it'd be really shady. Because sometimes there's nothing better than sending a text to let someone know you're thinking of them rather than making a phone call just to say something small or irrelevant.
Berlin Berlin 6 years
I do the same thing as this guy...I loathe speaking on the phone and will get out of it at all costs, but I will sit and text huge conversations. You aren't attached to the phone that way and you can be actually more honest through texts b/c you don't have to deal with the awkwardness or nervousness that some people get when speaking directly. And if you're trying to flirt and aren't that good at it, or trying to impress someone you get to really think about your responses. Also for some phone plans, like mine lol, you may have far more texting ability than minutes available. I know as far as I'm concerned, it's not shady. If he doesn't text her or call then it'd be really shady. Because sometimes there's nothing better than sending a text to let someone know you're thinking of them rather than making a phone call just to say something small or irrelevant.
Miss-Kylie Miss-Kylie 6 years
Normally I would say this is no good but this describes my boy and I exactly. We rarely call each other, we usually just text or know where to find each other. It totally works for us. In the 4 months we've been seeing each other, we have maybe spoken on the phone 3 times but we see each other nearly every other day. As long as it's comfortable for both parties and everything is normal in person, I don't see what the big deal.
Miss-Kylie Miss-Kylie 6 years
Normally I would say this is no good but this describes my boy and I exactly. We rarely call each other, we usually just text or know where to find each other. It totally works for us. In the 4 months we've been seeing each other, we have maybe spoken on the phone 3 times but we see each other nearly every other day.As long as it's comfortable for both parties and everything is normal in person, I don't see what the big deal.
HaterTot HaterTot 6 years
I refuse to speak on the phone for more than a minute or two at a time. What's the point? Of course I hate idle chit chat and don't really care how your day at work went, and I don't really see the need to tell someone I don't work with how my workday went, nor do I feel the need to share my every thought or feeling, or have someone else's shared with me. I've dated guys who called me every day, even after I explained that it was too frequent for me. To me, needing to chat on the phone is needy. Let's either hang out in person, or just shoot me a quick text to say "hi" if you want to, but let's drop the pointless phone chatting.
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