POPSUGAR Celebrity

The 20 Stages of Playing the Kim Kardashian Video Game

Jul 30 2014 - 5:38am

I wouldn't call myself a gamer, but give me a great video game or addicting app, and you probably won't see me for a few weeks. (Case in point: I'm one of those people who is now almost incapable of watching television without simultaneously playing Candy Crush [1].) That said, I wasn't expecting to fall victim to Kim Kardashian: Hollywood [2]. Suffice it to say, the rumors you've heard are true: just like Hollywood, this game will suck you in. And if you don't have the power to stop, it will eat you alive [3]. The following is a true account of my experience playing the Kim Kardashian [4] video game.

Source: Glu Games [5]

It started with the Internet stories of people getting addicted.

Really? To the Kim Kardashian [6] game? Child, please.

Source: E! [7]

Then my co-worker said she couldn't stop playing it.

She seems like a fairly reasonable person, so that piqued my intrigue.

Source: E! [8]

I decided to check it out, you know, "for work."

(But only after confirming the app was free.)

Source: E! [9]

I started playing . . .

All of a sudden, the game was asking me 10 million questions. Did I want to reopen the store? Did I want to buy new clothes? Did I want to adopt a stray cat? (The answer is yes to all of these things.)

Source: E! [10]

Someone named "Willow Pape" accused me of flirting with her boyfriend.

You get points for throwing drinks on people in this game? Oh, it is on.

Source: E! [11]

Almost immediately, my friends started asking me if it was fun.

But it was too soon. I hadn't even made it from the E-list to the D-list yet.

Source: E! [12]

I started checking it every 20 minutes or so. Even at my desk.

Suddenly I became hyperintent on making it to all my photo shoots and whatnot.

Source: E! [13]

Friends started asking if I was spending money on it.

Uh uh. No way.

Source: E! [14]

But everything took longer because I didn't want to spend real money.

I couldn't even afford to change my outfit. Tragic.

Source: E! [15]

I realized that I could go a lot further if I just put in a few bucks.

You probably don't know what a "K star" is, but let me tell you, $3.99 for 50 of them is a steal.

Source: E! [16]

Finally I moved up to the D-list. And the fake cash flow started coming.

A beach house in Miami? Don't mind if I do.

Source: E! [17]

Kim Kardashian even bought me a birthday dress!

The obsession with my avatar's lifestyle was becoming real.

Source: E! [18]

My friends started ribbing me for being so addicted.

But they just didn't understand that there was now an important alternate universe where I was totally killing it.

Source: E! [19]

When the app went down for a few hours, I panicked.

Refreshing. So much refreshing.

Source: E! [20]

I tried to be stronger, but the push notifications kept getting to me.

What do you mean my new photo spread is trending? I must find out!

Source: E! [21]

Even though some of the fake Hollywood people were starting to get to me.

Why do all the guys I date rag on my outfits? I just paid 950 bucks for this sexy bra top!

Source: E! [22]

I devoted a large portion of my weekend getting to the A-list.

Three-dimensional people are overrated.

Source: E! [23]

By Monday, my co-workers were completely over hearing about it.

Even though I was seeing a hot makeup artist and jetting off to Mexico every day. (Or is that multiple times a day? There's actually no nighttime in this game.)

Source: E! [24]

I started to sense that I should give up my addiction, so I cut back.

Especially since there's no skill involved. Like really at all.

Source: E! [25]

But it's still fun to pretend.

As long as it's not interfering with work anymore, it's OK . . . right?

Source: E! [26]

Show of hands, who else fell victim?

Don't be shy [27].

Source: E! [28]

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