Source: Instagram user kimkardashian [1]

Whatever happens from this moment on, you should know that there's a Kim Kardashian [2] video game coming out. Then you should know that we didn't watch the entire hour-and-six-minute-long trailer that's up on YouTube. Because, well, duh. But we did fast-forward, so that counts.

Kim Kardashian: Hollywood [3] doesn't come out till next week on the App Store and Google Play, but since you're dying to get a sneak peek, here you go. From what we can tell, the point is to reach celebrity status by following in Kim's footsteps — trying on the right (cleavage-baring) clothes [4], going on photo shoots, attending red carpet premieres [5], hitting up the hottest parties, etc., etc.

Here's a short version of the trailer that Kim posted on Instagram.

Source: Instagram user kimkardashian [6]

And here are the five most hilarious parts of the whole thing.

There's a Level Called "D-List Celebrity"

Um, is that a reference to Paris Hilton [7]?

Source: YouTube user TouchGameplay [8]

Some Guy Named Dirk Diamonds Says "Gutter Trash" Like It's 2001

#rude

Source: YouTube user TouchGameplay [9]

There's the Suggestion That a Celeb Wannabe Would Take a Bus

AS IF!

Source: YouTube user TouchGameplay [10]

Kim Calls Out Kris Jenner For Being a Momager

Oh no she didn't!

Source: YouTube user TouchGameplay [11]

Oh, and It's an HOUR Long

See for yourself.