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When to Delete Your Ex's Friends and Family on Facebook

Tech Dating 101: Should I Friend His Sister?

I met my guy's extended family for the first time over the weekend, and while it (thankfully!) went very well, I'm now stuck with a list of post-meeting tech related questions. First up: Facebook. We went to a party hosted by his sister, and as we said goodbye, she mentioned she'd post party photos on Facebook. I'd love to see them, but I'm not sure I'm ready to friend his sister. Not because I don't like her (I do!) or I'm worried about her checking out my personal information or photos, but because of other potentially bad repercussions.

I'd like to add a bit of a disclaimer to this post. Last time I posted a Facebook friend question, most of you responded by telling me Facebook friending and photo-tagging were no big deal, and that I may have been overreacting. But here's the thing: I do reserve Facebook for close friends because of all of the personal information that I share on the site — photos, status updates, links that I want to share with a closed network of people. So I am fairly discriminating when it comes to adding friends.

To hear about a few other reasons why I may be hesitant to invite his family to my Facebook circle, and to give your thoughts on the matter, just



The other troubling part about my situation is this: while I very much do not want or anticipate things ending badly between me and my guy, if something does happen, not only do I have to unfriend him, I have to unfriend his sister and family as well. In fact, technology can make a breakup much more painful. And my general feeling is, if it's going to be painful, I'd rather not do it in the first place.

My situation brings up another set of questions. What if you're friends with a sibling or friend's significant other, and they break up? Do you delete them as a friend? Wait for them to do it? Just block them? Ignore it? I'm trying to come up with a set of "rules" to use in this case, and I'd love your input.

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Happsmjc Happsmjc 6 years
Well even if you don't friend her now when you just met her, assuming you and your BF stay together you and the sis will get closer (I am really close with my brothers GF), so in a way is this not inevitable if you two become friends.
skigurl skigurl 6 years
just wait...i bet she will add you that's what i did
sourcherries sourcherries 6 years
I think you are right to be thinking ahead. I don't befriend coworkers or bosses for this reason. Sure, things are great now, but sometimes, I just want to vent or talk about non-work-related stuff. Honestly, this befriending everyone syndrome has me rather puzzled and often, annoyed.
nanashee nanashee 6 years
I'm more concerned by the "And my general feeling is, if it's going to be painful, I'd rather not do it in the first place." thing. I mean, we're all going to die anyway, so why bother living and working and doing all that stuff? I know you said that you don't exactly anticipate things to go badly, but the fact that this thought even occurred to you at this stage in the relationship is a little worrying. Going into a relationship with a bail-out plan ready (like the second you break up you just delete him from your Facebook and phone and ta-dah! back to normal again) means you've got bigger issues to worry about than who to add on your Facebook. Of the trust, abandonment sort. Is it because you do have doubts about him on some level? Or do you just set yourself up for a quick escape with every guy because you anticipate getting hurt? The quick fix would be to just put the sister on a limited profile view. The other thing is, if you've got stuff that might bring about bad repercussions on your Facebook, maybe they shouldn't be up there. And if your boyfriend's on your Facebook, he's seen it all, so what could the bad repercussions be? Another option; ask your boyfriend to show you the pics using HIS account.
maryanny maryanny 6 years
I'm guessing you didn't tell his family what you do for a living, how awkward would it be if she found this?
KadBunny KadBunny 6 years
It's not the information that's an issue though, it's the what-if. The possibility of a relationship going south is scary enough. I'd hate to have to break up with all of my guy's friends and families too, IF it ever came to that. Break ups are hard enough already. BUT! With that said :D I mean even if the relationship ends (knock on wood!!), if you like his sister then you like his sister. There's no stopping two people from being friends then. My rule of thumb is unless it was a particularly bad breakup then I don't worry about it. I still say hello to my ex's sister every now and then.
angelabeth angelabeth 6 years
That's what friend lists are for! "Account" then "Edit Friends" and create lists. I have everyone on my page set as limited profile and then if I want certain people to be able to access things I edit that setting for that group. I have 'Family', 'Church', 'Old HS Friends', 'Moms' (for all my older, married friends with kids), etc. You can just restrict them if you don't delete them.
kristenbyers kristenbyers 6 years
I think you might be overthinking it a little. I have always friended my sisters' significant others on Facebook and haven't deleted someone just because a relationship ended (with the exception of my own ex-boyfriends). You can always set up a specific group for your boyfriend's friends and family and tweak your privacy settings so that they can only see the FB content you want them to see. I do that for my coworkers and it works quite nicely.
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