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Are You Facebook Friends With Your Exes?

An essay in this week's New York Times hit close to home. The author, mourning the breakup of a long-term relationship, used Facebook to keep up with what his ex was doing. I've covered this topic before in Tech Dating 101 posts; from using Facebook to get to know a potential date to how and when to change your relationship status. I've even offered my advice for how to cut an ex out of your digital life. He was pretty distraught over the breakup, but still couldn't resist the occasional peek at her page:

"Every once in a while, when I was feeling particularly pathetic, I would log on to her Facebook page and listlessly click through the photos of a life that was, somewhat disappointingly, continuing without me."

While I still feel it's best to avoid an ex on Facebook, especially after a tough breakup, actually pulling the trigger to delete an ex from your list of friends is tough.

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ManiMartinixo ManiMartinixo 6 years
I'm friends with one. The others not so much.
funkygeorge funkygeorge 7 years
I need the "depends on the ex" option!
aistea311 aistea311 7 years
Absolutely, postively not! My first real ex messages me once in a blue moon like when his mom saw me at my job but I refuse to stay in touch with any of them. Too much heartbreak to relive it. My friends are friends with one of my exes (my sister too unfortunately) so sometimes my curiosity gets the best of me but I've been good about it.
aistea311 aistea311 7 years
Absolutely, postively not! My first real ex messages me once in a blue moon like when his mom saw me at my job but I refuse to stay in touch with any of them. Too much heartbreak to relive it. My friends are friends with one of my exes (my sister too unfortunately) so sometimes my curiosity gets the best of me but I've been good about it.
DanniG DanniG 7 years
I think it all depends on how things ended. One of my ex's and I are friends and the other isn't.
eskimokissz eskimokissz 7 years
I am actually "FB friends" with my ex, as well as RL friends. We get along with each other much better now than when we were married. Of course, if we did not share 2 children, we may not have kept in contact with each other at all! But since we do, we make the best of it.
Deidre Deidre 7 years
I'm not FB "friends" with any exes...there's just not really any point if we're not trying to be friends in actual life.
GisMullr GisMullr 7 years
I think that if the relationship is over is because something wasn't good... so I believe that there is no point of keep FB friends with the ex. Specially when you have a new person! Forget about the past is the best way to go.
mrskrismendoza mrskrismendoza 7 years
No. If me and a girlfriend break up, I get too sad seeing their facebook page.
a1stbornunicorn a1stbornunicorn 7 years
aww that quote is so sad, poor guy.
Miss-Tina Miss-Tina 7 years
I am friends with other ex's on Facebook, but if my current guy and I were to end I never could do it! We have been together way too long and have built a life together! If we were to end I would have to cut all ties with him for a long time until all feelings were gone! My sister is going through this right now. If you have dated and built a life together seeing them happy without you in their life is very hard to deal with, at least for awhile!
mayara mayara 7 years
"Your friends are not your boyfriends, and your boyfriends are never your friends." Well, I know it's that way for some people, but I have never dated (and never would date) someone who wasn't my friend. Though, I don't have to worry much about the "would date" now, as I'm happily married to my best friend.As for the question about exes, I'm FB friends with my ex, but we broke up years before either of us were on Facebook. Plenty of time for both our lives to change. The time separation between breakup and FB friending makes it easier than it would have been shortly after the breakup.
mayara mayara 7 years
"Your friends are not your boyfriends, and your boyfriends are never your friends." Well, I know it's that way for some people, but I have never dated (and never would date) someone who wasn't my friend. Though, I don't have to worry much about the "would date" now, as I'm happily married to my best friend. As for the question about exes, I'm FB friends with my ex, but we broke up years before either of us were on Facebook. Plenty of time for both our lives to change. The time separation between breakup and FB friending makes it easier than it would have been shortly after the breakup.
Clitemnistra Clitemnistra 7 years
Your friends are not your boyfriends, and your boyfriends are never your friends. That's a good reason for me to not include boyfriends in my facebook activity, since mostly I exchange information with very close friends and family.
Clitemnistra Clitemnistra 7 years
Your friends are not your boyfriends, and your boyfriends are never your friends. That's a good reason for me to not include boyfriends in my facebook activity, since mostly I exchange information with very close friends and family.
Akasha Akasha 7 years
I'm friends with a couple of my ex's but they were from years ago, and we ended things as friends. I did have to delete my ex-best friend because I would get mad every time she showed up in my friends box.
caty1221 caty1221 7 years
my ex has added a couple times and i've denied him both times. we ended on bad terms and it was just a bad relationship. i'm happy with my current relationship of almost 3 years. i could care less what my ex is doing now.
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
I am but I block his updates.. which leads me to believe I should just delete him altogether. I actually added him way after the breakup; we're still very friendly and civil with each other, but that doesn't make us friends I guess. And I admit I can't help but wonder who the heck he's in a relationship with, but being the smart boy he is he didn't put her name down. :P
PirateKitty PirateKitty 7 years
Yes old ones, but for some reason FB keeps suggesting I write on their walls or "make facebook better for them" how does it know!?scary...
PirateKitty PirateKitty 7 years
Yes old ones, but for some reason FB keeps suggesting I write on their walls or "make facebook better for them" how does it know!? scary...
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