Who doesn't love a weird nail polish name? They're funny, creative, and one of the last refuges for shameless punning outside the New York Post's front page. But sometimes, the quirk and whimsy go too far, leaving us with polish names so bad we refuse to tell our friends what color we're wearing. So to see our picks for the most (hilariously) wrong shade names, just keep reading.
- OPI Conquistadorable ($8) — No one finds the Spanish Inquisition very cutesy.
- Illamasqua Phallic ($14) — It's sparkly and navy, which in an actual male unit might indicate a Viagra-aided disaster.
- Essie Fondola Gondola ($7) — We love you, Essie, but your obsession with gondoliers is making us uncomfortable.
- Mattese Dirty Slut ($6) — Why don't you tell us how you really feel?
- Bleachblack Jizz ($13) — "Oh, what's this on my fingertips? Just a little Jizz." No thanks.
- Nars Pussy Galore ($14) — Yeah, we know, it's a Bond reference. Still, our prudish side blushes.
- Naughty Nailz I'm Not Really a Whore ($14) — And if that's too tame, there's always Pounded on the Kitchen Table and, ugh, 12 Inch Gang Bang. Classy.
- OPI Fiji Weejee Fawn ($10) — There's nothing gross about this one; it's just totally absurd.
- Wet 'N' Wild Dream Poppy — Opiates and manicures, together at last!
- Revlon Raisin Rage ($4) — You won't like Revlon nail polish when it's angry.
Any others we missed?