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How Do You Deal With Mean, Fake Friends?

What Do You Do With a Beauty Underminer?

Ah, underminers — those frenemies who, either intentionally or subconsciously, try to bring you down with faux concern and back-handed compliments. Their motivations aren't always clear, but their nastiness definitely is, especially when you're left feeling bad about yourself after an encounter with one. An underminer is especially terrible when you've made a new or interesting beauty choice, since they'll try to drive a dagger into any little bit of self-consciousness you have and exploit it to make you hate your new look — no matter how cool it actually is or how happy it makes you. I've had my fair share of showdowns with these kinds of people, since I don't appreciate their passive-aggressive attitudes, but do you know any personally? And if so, how do you deal with them?

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Sunbelle098 Sunbelle098 7 years
Allytta- if you're referring to my comment, the girl had prefaced her statement with "I wish I had your boobs. Then again..." I haven't come across a whole lot of Fs and Es...but go D cup.
Allytta Allytta 7 years
why is everyone talking about jealousy? some people are just mean or like manipulating people. don't forget that. and about smaller breasts - I agree - I always pitty ladies with huge boobs like F or E, I'm a C/D myself and sometimes I feel like it's too much and I want my B cup back. Is that jealousy? No...
staple-salad staple-salad 7 years
I'd been talking about getting a tattoo for years, and the design I wanted for months (a picture of one of the lambs my grandma used to make out of felt and french knots, my grandma was a really important person to me, so it means a lot). I finally got up the nerve and the money, found an artist I liked, and got it done. The moment I hobbled back to my dorm with my boyfriend, bleeding and in pain, but happy none-the-less, my roommate and one of my friends started going on and on about how tattoos are stupid, people who get them are stupid, and how they think anyone who would permanently inject ink into their skin was an idiot. They said NOTHING before I got it however, only after I had a permanent piece of art on my ankle. I still love my tattoo, but they certainly lost a lot of friend points from me.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
If you have the guts you can turn to them with a cool smile and say very smoothly say that jealousy is the highest form of flattery. Then walk away and let them swallow that one.
Sunbelle098 Sunbelle098 7 years
College was all about frenemies. One girlfriend of mine who had a huge crush on my boyfriend (I couldn't avoid her for various reasons) would say things like "Your hair is so pretty, but so thin." Another girl who lived in my sorority house said something along the lines of "Hey, small boobs are better, mine won't sag when I'm older" (I have large breasts). It sounds cliche, but it totally does stem from insatiable jealousy.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 7 years
I agree CoronaLove. My MIL is the only one I associate myself with who acts like that and believe me I wouldn't let her get away with it if she were my friend. I'm with AmberHoney! I don't have frenemies, so pointless and completely ridiculous.
AmberHoney AmberHoney 7 years
Sorry "frenimes" isn't in my dictionary. I don't have friends that are b*itches, maybe that's why I only have a handful of GREAT friends. Tact is a word seldom understood by many these days. Move on, ladies.
bchicgrl bchicgrl 7 years
My new sister in law criticizes everything and anything I wear or talk about trying new. I just tend to roll my eyes and ignore her. It's easier then starting a fight.
Symphonee Symphonee 7 years
I cut them all off. I have one really close friend and we have never done that to each other. I used to get backhanded compliments from friends and I realized that if you have to put a "for a" in a compliment then you don't mean it, i.e. "your cute for a skinny girl"
ren_kr ren_kr 7 years
i'm ashamed to admit that 90% of my 'close' friends from HS were all frenemies and i'm proud to say that I never stooped down to their level - mainly because i was absurdly confused whenever they said something to me. The remaining 10% are now my closest of friends and I'm so happy to have realized how horrible the other girls were and now i don't speak to them and no longer consider them friends - merely acquaintances.
eveday eveday 7 years
Can I just say I :LOVE: the girl on the right's b*tch face?
alexask alexask 7 years
i wouldn't have "frenemies"...unless it was some pseudo-forced business relationship. anyway the only time i've ever had to deal with people like that without being able to just walk away is when i had those crappy college summer bar/restaurant server jobs. you get all kinds of crazy people with those jobs.
EvieJ EvieJ 7 years
I had a "friend" like this once. I had my hair cut into a short style which I loved, and she made some bitchy comment about it, which I blew off. Then I was working out with a trainer and really watching what I ate and managed to lose about 15 (much needed!) pounds. When I saw her, she actually said "I can't see any difference. Have you really been working out?". I put up with it a while longer, but it took her being horrible about my fiance (she and her husband split after less than 6 months - if that says anything about her) for me to realize she really wasn't a friend. We are no longer in contact. Sad, but I felt so much better without her constant little put-downs in front of other people.
miss-malone miss-malone 7 years
Luckily, I don't know anyone like this but if I ever do come across one of these underminers, I just ignore it. ;) Everyone can do their own thing and shouldn't care or feel down because of what someone else thinks.
lizlee89 lizlee89 7 years
my dad is the worst - he hates all things unconventional; whereas I love everything crazy and bright and fun. he constantly criticizes my clothing, makeup, hair, everything. no matter what he says, I just say "thanks!"
CoronaLove CoronaLove 7 years
underminers? is that another word for mother in law? LOL
bellanatella bellanatella 7 years
You know, honestly, I don't think the solution is to try to steer clear of them. Sometimes, they can be very valuable as friends and that is just one of their flaws as human beings. So, I just laugh it off and think about what's making them say this to me when it happens. The only reason people would want to bring you down is if they're feeling inadequate themselves and like you are competition. Generally, if a person thinks you're unattractive - even if they are your friends - they won't TELL you. So, if they DO tell you, it's more than it seems. I wouldn't go as far as to get directly involved but I would try to subtly make them feel better about themselves.
Francoisehardly Francoisehardly 7 years
I'm not around people like that and if I did, I wouldn't have them around for much longer. The worst is when people point out physical perceived flaws to make a person feel bad about it, even something that no one would even think to point out as a flaw. It's obvious they're trying to build up their own self worth by diminishing someone else's.
poptart-princess poptart-princess 7 years
Ignorance is bliss and Karma is also a b*&^%.
sham28 sham28 7 years
This can't even remotely be isolated to beauty/ appearance categories. It's the same if you get a promotion or decide to move to a different city, if you're happy or if you're more attractive. The insecurity or the anger comes out the same way.
vicki17 vicki17 7 years
Women/girls who act this way are one of two things: jealous people with very low self esteem, or they have low self esteem combined fears and insecurities preventing them from trying new things for themselves. Cutting down others is just about the only way they have to feel better about themselves. Don't listen to them!!! BTW, I see jade nail polish all over Sephora, Macy's, even the drugstores. So they don't know what they're doing in that small town.
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