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I'll admit that my girl-crush on Bossypants. It had me laughing like a crazy person on the subway because she's so willing to divulge her nerdy proclivities (as a kid, she relaxed after school by putting on a colonial costume) and her beauty struggles (though, for the record, she's adamant about having all of her "original teeth and face parts"). It's worth reading every page of the book, but here, a few favorite Fey thoughts on beauty.
On being hirsute: "[I have] straight Greek eyebrows. They start at the hairline at my temple and, left unchecked, will grow straight across my face and onto yours."
On her teenage beauty routine: "I washed daily with Ivory soap and Prell shampoo. Everyone knew Prell was the best because you could also use it to clean a frying pan. I then dried my hair with a Hot Comb, a small, vibrating hairbrush that my family kept in the dining room credenza, so it could be close to the electric knife, since they were almost the exact same machine."
On maintaining youthful skin: "Makeup companies like to make skin care seem complicated, but let me demystify it for you. The three secrets of great skin are moisturize, stay out of the sun, and be Italian."
On the power of hair color: "Why do I call it 'yellow' hair and not 'blond' hair? Because I'm pretty sure everyone calls my hair 'brown'...Yellow hair does have magical powers. You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to [have sex] with it."
On anti-aging treatments: "As you age, you may want to pay someone to shoot lasers at your face...You can simulate the experience at home by having a friend hide your wallet while you sit close to a space heater. It will work just as well."
On getting a manicure: "You hold hands with a stranger for 20 minutes...passively flopping your hands into another woman's hands. It's like something they'd make you do in summer camp as a trust-building exercise."
On the current beauty ideal: "Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass...the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to achieving this is Kim Kardashian, who was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling."
On accepting yourself: "I wouldn't trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn't even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did."
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