Getting your hair done is kind of like going on a first date with someone who might totally change your life — or ruin your week. You're trying to be open-minded, you have flirty inspo pics [1] at the ready, and you're being as cool, calm, collected as this experience allows… until halfway through, your eyes meet your reflection and you see where this is going, and your soul quietly leaves your body.

You nod. You smile. You tip.

Next thing you know, you're spiraling in the salon bathroom asking ChatGPT "how long does it take bangs to grow out [2]?" wondering if you'll ever be able to trust a human again. It's a conundrum many people know too well. So the real question becomes: how can you walk away from an appointment with the hair color or cut you asked for — and speak up if things go south?

As someone who has worked as a professional hairstylist for more than 15 years, I can tell you that getting what you want at the salon starts with clear communication. And while yes, your stylist should be asking the right questions, there are a few things you can do to help bridge the gap between expectation and reality.

Tip 1: Come With Reference Photos I cannot stress this enough: photos are your best friend. One person's idea of "shoulder-length" is another's idea of a french bob [3]. You and your stylist might have completely different dialects, so think of what you visualize as a language. Visual cues help eliminate the guesswork and make sure you and your stylist and or colorist are speaking the same hair language. Bring a few images — ideally from different angles — and be ready to explain what you like about each. Is it the texture? The length? The way the color looks in natural light?

Bonus points if the hair in the photo matches your own texture or density. A photo of glassy, pin-straight hair may not be realistic for someone with a tight curl pattern unless you're also discussing smoothing treatments. When I used to work in a salon I used to cover the face of the celebrity that they brought in and ask them "do you still like the hair without seeing the face?" Try that on your own before bringing it to the salon.

Tip 2: Know Your Basic Terms
I'm not asking you to become a pro hairstylist overnight, but knowing a few hair terms [4] can go a long way. With information so readily available on social media, a little brushing up can help. Here are some basics:

• Layers = varying lengths throughout the hair for movement. It's important to note that layers come in many variations. How I would layer someone with fine hair vs thick hair are completely different. Overall layers add texture, movement, and softness and are great for people who wear their hair down often.
• Blunt cut = hair that is cut straight across the bottom, with no layers.
• Face-framing = shorter pieces that fall around your face, not full layers. General rule of thumb: if they're shorter than the highest point of your cheekbones, they're inching into bang or fringe territory. Anything longer is considered face framing.
• Balayage = hand-painted highlights that give a soft, natural grow-out. These can be left to process open hair without any foil or covered in saran wrap. If you have black to dark brown hair and your goal is blond, I would not recommend this method as it tends to leave the hair warmer than usually intended.
• Single process = one hair color all over. This is usually great for grey coverage, brown colors, and reds.

And if you don't understand a term your stylist uses, ask. You're not in school — you're in the chair paying for a service, and you deserve to feel informed.

Tip 3: Consider Your Face Shape, Lifestyle, and Reality

A good stylist will consider your face shape [5] and features when customizing a cut. But more than anything, be honest about your lifestyle. If you're not going to heat-style your bangs every morning, maybe you don't need bangs. If you swim four days a week, a high-maintenance color probably isn't your best option.

Let's also talk about expectations. Sure, Pinterest hair is gorgeous, but it often comes with lighting tricks, hairpieces, and unrealistic timelines for the execution. If your stylist says, "We can't get you platinum today without damaging your curls," or suggests a more subtle shape to flatter your bone structure — that's not a "no," it's a professional "I'm looking out for you, friend."

Ask yourself:

• Am I prepared to make an appointment every six weeks to maintain this cut or color?
• Do I have the budget for regular maintenance or extensions?
• Do I actually have the time and energy to style this daily?

Share those answers with your stylist. Transparency helps us guide you to choices that feel good and work for your real life.

Tip 4: If You're Unhappy, Say Something
This is the hardest part for so many people. You don't want to hurt your stylist's feelings, but take from this professional hairstylist: we don't want you to run out and cry in the car as you furiously type a negative review. A good stylist wants you to be happy and will appreciate the chance to make it right.

If you feel stuck and don't know what to say, try something like:

• "I'm so sorry, but this isn't exactly what I was hoping for. Can we talk about what can be done to adjust it?"
• "The cut is a little shorter than I expected. Can we brainstorm styling tips to help me love it while it grows?"
• "I think I envisioned a warmer tone. Do you think there's a toner we could use to shift it a bit?"

It's always OK to speak up — just do it kindly and constructively. Now, I'm going to tell you this wrapped in love: changing your mind mid appointment or after is not the same thing as, "You didn't give me what I want, refund me now." Be honest with yourself about whether the outcome was self-inflicted or the result of an inexperienced stylist.

Final Thoughts
Getting your hair done should feel empowering, not stressful. You're allowed to ask questions. You're allowed to say no. You're allowed to be honest about your budget, your time, and your expectations. And you're definitely allowed to leave the salon feeling like the best version of yourself and not like a hairstylist-people pleaser so that someone else doesn't feel bad.

You don't need to be an expert to advocate for yourself — you just need to speak up. Trust me, your dream hair is a lot closer when you do.

From the DMs [6] is a monthly column where professional hairstylist David Lopez [7] answers your most pressing beauty questions. Have a topic you want addressed? Drop him a message on Instagram or email him at FromtheDMswithDavid@davidlopezbeauty.com, and let's keep the conversation going. By submitting a question, you agree to our Submission Terms [8].