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Family and Money

I'm Asking: What's Your Family Dynamic Like — With Money?

I recently got into an in-depth convo with a couple of friends. It seemed a few had something in common. While most everyone agreed that their parents had cut the cord (financially speaking) years ago, some admitted that their parents were still very willing to help support their siblings. While a few were baffled about the preferential treatment, a couple of my friends had a theory. As we started talking, it was clear that several of my friends weren't being given financial aid from mom and dad out of punishment, but quite the opposite.

For many parents with successful, self-sufficient kids, handing out cash or offering help is just unnecessary. One of my friends, who holds a successful job in advertising, was baffled that she's never given any financial support, while her brother, who happens to be older, is continually gifted checks from mom and dad. But, when we got to the heart of it, she also explained that her brother had a less conventional path to employment and education — took a longer time to graduate and is just getting settled in a new city. If you were mom and dad you might guess that this is the child who needs a little more in the way of guidance and support. Now, I know every family is different, so I'm curious — how does the money dynamic play out with your parents and siblings? If you're more accomplished, does it mean you get less money-love?

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hibiscus96818 hibiscus96818 6 years
I used to resent the fact that my parents helped my brother out but never offered to help me. Last weekend while I was visiting my father we got onto the subject of paying for school and he said if he had realized I was struggling he would have offered to help me out financially a long time ago. Lesson learned...don't let my pride get in the way. I hated admitting to my parents that I was strugging, but if I had done so I would not have been struggling. My parents are now more than happy to help me out with school costs and medical bills.
LeiraElle LeiraElle 6 years
It seems valid to help out the child who is struggling more... simply because the parents would (or should) do it for any of their children if they needed it. My parents paid for my sister's masters' classes while she worked full-time to pay her own living expenses. I have a scholarship covering my credits to get a masters full-time, so my parents help to pay my living expenses. I'd assume that as long as my parents are able, they'll help us with whatever we have trouble doing ourselves... just like when they get older we'll be supporting them. All in equal measure.
sourcherries sourcherries 6 years
The way my mom explained this to me was that parents always want to help their struggling child. This isn't to say that they are not proud of the successful one, but it pains them to see one of their children suffering and would like to help him/her out. The tricky part is doing this in a way that doesn't cause resentment (on the part of the successful one) or entitlement (on the part of the receiving child). Oh, and "child" is relative--my grandma thinks of all her children (my mom and uncles) as "children" still and they are nearly of age to be grandparents. ;p
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