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Friends with Money

Dear Sugar
A good friend of mine called me to ask if she could borrow a large sum of money from me after she extended a loan to a different friend. She liquidated her and her husband's joint bank account and is asking me for the money to put it back in the account until her other friend re-pays her.

Oddly enough this is not the first time she has done this. I feel that she is making things worse by trying to hide what she has done as a band-aid to "fix" the situation. She is convinced that if she tells her husband what she did, he will divorce her.

Do you have any advice for me? Do you think that l should I lend her the money and be a good friend? I want to talk to her about coming clean to her husband because I really think she needs to tell him before things get worse. Asked for a Loan Joan

to see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Asked for a Loan Joan
Borrowing money from friends can get very sticky, and I feel should be avoided if possible. Of course there are extenuating circumstances, but it is a decision that should take careful condideration. It sounds like your friend doesn't know how to say no when people ask for a loan even though she knows she is jeopardizing her marriage.

I have always been taught that if you lend money out, don't expect to get it back. Chances are, when they get on their feet again, their first priority isn't going to be saving money to pay you back. It sounds as though you are hesitant to give her the money, in which case I advise you to follow your first instinct.

Try sitting down and talking to your friend. Tell her that she is going to dig herself into a deep hole if she continues to cover up her lies to her husband. It is completely up to you if you choose to give her the money, but learn from her example that mixing money with friends can result in a complicated transaction. Good luck to you.

Join The Conversation
vmruby vmruby 10 years
Encourage her to come clean with her husband and do not under any circumstances lend her the money .She will continue this type of behavior if someone is always there to bail her out of trouble.She created that situation she's in by herself so she needs to get herself out of it the same way she got into it .....
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 10 years
I agree with Dear. Money between friends can be bad news :(
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 10 years
I agree with everyone else
cubadog cubadog 10 years
This is not a money lending circumstance that you should be involved with at all. You do not owe her explanation they answer should just be no. She needs to fess up to her husband. I have borrowed money from family and friends and they were all shocked when I was the one that set-up the payment plan back to them. Most of them were like whenever but all know whenever doesn't happen. Chances are if you lent her the money you wouldn't get it back anyone especially since it is contigent on someone else paying her back.
honey31 honey31 10 years
I dont think you should loan her some money she needs to ask her family and leave you out of this.
Bonne Bonne 10 years
I agree, lending friends money usually ends up in trouble. Ever watch those judge shows? You could point her to the direction of the check cashing shops, but they charge a high interest rate...
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
DO NOT get involved in this. what happens in your friends marriage is between her and her husband. just say you don't have it to give to her and drop it. the more people involved in this mess the worse it will get. with money, my rule of thumb is : if someone doesn't have it now, what's going to happen in 2 weeks that will change that? usually nothing, so usually they will never have the money. adults need to be able to manage their own finances. this isn;t an "emergency" it's just a poor choice your friend made. and yeah, don't count on getting any "loans" back. 2007?
rubialala rubialala 10 years
You said should you lend her the money and be a good friend. I think you should NOT lend her the money, and that is what makes you a good friend. She needs to be honest with her husband, and if you lend her the money you will just be enabling her lying habits.
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 10 years
I agree with Dear as well. It's really too bad that your friend lent out money that was not just hers to lend, but that is beyond your control and not your problem. Hopefully you can convince her to come clean to her husband before he finds out for himself and feels even worse about the situation. Tell her you don't feel able to lend her the money because you don't want to put your own financial situation in jeopardy. This is a harsh lesson for her to learn, but hopefully next time someone asks her for a large chunk of cash she will say no!
tina_marie tina_marie 10 years
Just tell her that right now your circumstances don't allow for you to loan any money to her.
Pinkgirl88 Pinkgirl88 10 years
I am with dearsugar here TINA!
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