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Handle This: She Has Expensive Expectations

After a rough year, your best friend decides to start her next one with a bang by throwing a somewhat elaborate birthday party. Before the shindig, she wants to get together with her closest girlfriends for dinner. Of course you’re all too happy to make her day special, and tell her you’re in for dinner.

It ends up being a group of about 15, which is pretty big for a group dinner, so you’re shocked when she chooses one of the nicest restaurants around — a three course meal goes for $70 not including drinks! None of you are flat broke, but for a group dinner this just seems completely over the top. You weren't planning on spending that much on her, but if you mention something you know she'll be terribly upset — she’s the bridezilla of birthday girls. So ladies, how would you handle this?


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lms lms 9 years
I don't think that $70 a person is over the top for a 3 course meal at a fancy restaurant. My girlfriends and I used to go out in very large groups to pricey restaurants on occasion. If the group wanted to pay for the birthday girl, splitting her tab 14 ways is not a big deal. Obviously, if you can't afford it then don't go then.
Bookish Bookish 9 years
If I'm throwing a party, I consider it my responsibility to make sure my guests are taken care of- that includes paying for their food and transportation if necessary. I'd definitely beg off.
Jennifer777 Jennifer777 9 years
I would go but I would order cheap for myself. It is not that $70 is that much but the mortgage and bills have to be paid and every penny counts. I would also check before committing next time.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I also agree that $70 isn't bad for a celebration dinner. We all splurge on a special day!
AnnaLove AnnaLove 9 years
I agree with Meike, $70 really isn't too bad for a special dinner. Besides, I'm usually one to order a salad or appetizer with a dessert and drink. I don't know too many girls who eat 3 courses. I would really say it depends on how close of a friend she is. In my culture, however, the hostess usually pays for her guests so I've never had this situation happen to me.
rpenner rpenner 9 years
I'd suck it up and go. I'd b*&tch about it, but I'd go. If she was my best friend I'd probably tell her it was a little over the top and suggest maybe a different place. Me and the best friend usually tell eachother if we're being unreasonable.
Marci Marci 9 years
Happy Birthday, Asia! I would pay my share without making an issue of it. But I'd definitely find out the next year what the plan is beforehand.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
If you offer to pay for the birthday girls dinner and she goes outside her "normal" ordering of ?salad? and A cocktail, than its your bad not hers....she probably thought "sweet, i get to order what ever i want!" its her birthday! Next time give her a budget! or dont take her to a place that has freaking 40$ steaks.
Meike Meike 9 years
$70 for my own dinner on a rare special occasion is not much, imo.
snapsgirrl snapsgirrl 9 years
A situation like this just recently happened to me. Me and another girl took our friend out to dinner at a nice moderately priced restaurant for her birthday. While waiting for a table at the bar we told our friend that dinner was on us wanting her to have a nice birthday. Our friend usually orders salads or an average size meal with 2 cocktails max so we thought we knew what to expect (we're all in college so money is always tight). She completely took advantage ordering a $40 steak and 4 cocktails $12 each plus her birthday dessert which was $9. Her tab alone came to over $97 NOT including the tip or our dinners. I could maybe understand if this was the type of meal she normally ordered but it couldn't be further her normal dinning out habits. My friend and I didn't want to be rude so we just paid for it. Later, My friend and I both agreed that the birthday girl was incredibly rude and inconsiderate. It was my birthday recently and she did nothing for me. As shallow as this sounds this definitely changed our friendship because it showed a selfish side of this girl that I had never seen before. I still get a little angry when I think about this.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
If you have the cash than I really don't see what the big deal is if you can't afford it don't go. I would rather everyone have a great time than sit there with a salad and one cocktail its a party after all!
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
smp7328 smp7328 9 years
Happy Birthday Asia!!!
boxem180 boxem180 9 years
yeaaaaaah, this happened to me 2 years ago when my then BF wanted to go out her actual birthday for dinner and drinks and then again on the weekend to a really expensive dinner then a movie. the entire weekend, including her present, cost me $150 even though i had no cash (being fresh out of grad school). i tried to get out of some of it but in the end, i just sucked it up and eventually it became one of the reasons we parted ways. if you can't afford it, don't try to and make alternative, less expensive plans. if you're as good of friends as you think, then she'll understand.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
you're paying for your own dinner. what's the big deal?! if you can't afford it, then DON'T GO! it's that simple. By the way, it's MY BIRTHDAY today!!!!!!! Yay me . . .!!!!!
Lovaajn Lovaajn 9 years
I had this happen a few years ago. I told her that her meal was my birthday gift to her, plus a bit of Christmas! I was in college, it was a stretch for me. I was definitely irritated she made us go to such a nice restaurant when we were just college students. Especially since she is a cheap person otherwise - I bet she knew her meal would have been paid for. I know, terrible thing to say, but she's my best I know how she thinks...
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
is it a big landmark birthday, 21st or 30th? then fine. otherwise i'd say i'll meet you for coffee and cake after dinner.
emalove emalove 9 years
I personally would just pay the money and go celebrate with her. My best friends and I have all spent a lot of money on each other over the always ends up evening out in the end. And like someone said, next year, find out where she's going first before you committ to it.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
What? She's not offering to pay for dinner? I came from a custom that it's important for the birthday girl to TREAT everyone to dinner or whatnot (out of her own pocket). :D No wonder when I first came here, everyone was shocked when I paid for my 21st birthday dinner. Anyway, if you can't afford it, tell her so and just promise to meet her at the shindig. But if you can, suck it up, I suppose, and try not to get 3 course about..2 course meal instead? :D
Random2 Random2 9 years
It depends how close the friend is, and if I know she'd do the same for me (shallow and cheap, I know). I have some friends who expect everyone to stop what they're doing and come running when they call (I was at a wedding social for one of these friends. I told her I'd have to leave the next morning, and she got upset that I wasn't sticking around to spend time with her! I have 3 weeks left of classes, 4 more papers to write, 2 final tests, then 4 finals! The last time she was down, she made a huge deal about getting together, so I called, and didn't hear from her until she was home, which is 12 hours away). If I know the person would be willing to do the same if the shoe was on the other foot, I woudln't have a problem with it, but if I knew they'd back out on me, I can't see why I should shell out for them.
juicylove juicylove 9 years
if you couldnt pay it you could offer to go out somewhere else with her another time, but if its not a huge deal then just go anyway. it could be fun to have an expensive night out where you can get all dressed up if its not what you usually do:)
7kimba7 7kimba7 9 years
if it's a best friend and I'm not strapped for cash, I would suck it up and pay for it.
avettafawna avettafawna 9 years
I'm a waitress at a fairly pricy downtown restaurant, and I can't tell you how many times I've waited on a table in this scenerio. Its so obvious when a group of 20-somethings with limited funds gather at a fancy restaurant to appease a birthday girl who wants to have a "nice dinner". What usually happens is that most of the guests are so uncomfortable by the prices that they're fidgeting in their chairs and end up ordering an appetizer as their main course, and one cocktail that they usually end up nursing for two hours. Birthday girl feels special, but guests and waitress both leave annoyed and feeling like it was a waste of time. To answer the question, if I have the money, I'm all for spending money on a friend's birthday. But if money is tight, then I usually do what JennyJake said and offer to meet her for dessert or a drink after dinner or on another night.
syako syako 9 years
mn that sucks! If it's my best friend (and I'm assuming I only have one real best friend) then I'd go, pay, smile and have fun. If it was just a friend - someone who I'd probably not even spend anywhere near $70 on their gift - I'd bow out politely (like the work late excuse mentioned, or explain I'm saving to buy a house) A best friend's birthday only happens once a year. So shelling out some extra cash for her special night, I don't mind! :)
mnp mnp 9 years
I forgot to add that I'll also be begging my way out like petite42.
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