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Handle This: Your Boyfriend Is a Financial Wreck

Your boyfriend has been completely down on his luck for the past year; he had a car accident which resulted in medical bills, as well as issues with his student loans, and he has absolutely no financial help from his parents. He makes a decent salary, but he’s just not good at managing his finances.

You’ve always been willing to help with the small things, like paying for dinner and a tank of gas, but now he’s come to you and says he needs a grand to pay for his rent. You have the money, so how do you handle this?


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JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
I would sit him down and try to help him figure out his bills and what he needs to do. If we were at the right point in our relationship I'd ask him to move in with me so he could save some money. I would loan him the money either way and set up a repayment schedule and tell him it was never happening again. Luckily my man would rather die than ask for money so I wouldn't worry about that.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Me and my boyfriend are both in a lot of debt due to college, moving into a new place... etc. We are living in our overdrafts. I have to borrow off him sometimes and occasionally I'll pay for something instead. I would discuss it with him.
designerel designerel 8 years
My ex came from a very poor family and he was putting himself through school. He was on scholarships and was part of the work-study program. He made enough to get by, but when his transmission crapped out on him, suddenly he needed $1800 that he didn't have. I was sooo conflicted when he came to me asking for that money. I knew that it would take a long time for him to pay me back. To make things worse, I knew I would be breaking up with him soon because I wasn't happy with him. I told him to find someone to pay him half and I'd pay the other half. He never could find anyone else, so I loaned him all of the money. Of course we ended up breaking up (I have to say that our financial differences finally got to me, but there were a ton of other reasons too) and a year and a half later, he is still paying me back. If I was in that situation again, I wouldn't do it.
Mykie7 Mykie7 8 years
A "Rough financial patch" is one thing. But if the man constantly lives beyond his means, doesn't pay his bills, is always asking ME for money, that is NOT a "rough financial patch". That's how I viewed what the question was asking.
chocolatine chocolatine 8 years
I'd help him out if it's a committed relationship. Bad luck such as illness and lay-offs can happen to anyone, and it can ruin a life in a matter of months. I'd help out my family in this situation, and I would count the person I share my life with as part of my family.
gemsera gemsera 8 years
I would have known already and already offered. Me and my beau share everything, so I dont see a problem with it. If it was any of my exes, I would have dumped them on the spot as they really were poor with finances and losers who couldnt get their life in order. At least the current beau is doing his best.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
I wasn't trying to leave him because of the money problem... (or the drinking problem... or the anger problem....) but he left me! I just find it surprising...
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
It depends, if it really is just a rough patch and he just needs help for a little while to get back on his feet etc. then yeah I would help him out. If he has money MANAGING problems though, like dear's original post said: "He makes a decent salary, but he’s just not good at managing his finances." Then hell no. Because to me, that means he is a little boy that hasn't learned how to live on his own without his mom yet. Any adult that makes enough money to provide for themselves should be able to manage that money. And I am not going to be his mom and help him out just b/c he is to lazy/dumb/immature to handle his own money.
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
I agree completely, karlotta.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
Bluebell, I thought it was very obvious, but I guess it's possible there are women out there who actually WOULD seriously say that kind of stuff... how sad. Anyway, OF COURSE I would lend him the money if I had it. If my guy is down on his luck because of medical bills and student loans (not hookers and drugs!), everything that's mine is his. That's what love is. You don't run for the hills when the going gets rough. Why not leave if he gets cancer, too? Really bad circumstances happened to me ten years ago, and it lasted a long, long time. I'd have ended up on the streets if my then-boyfriend hadn't supported me - without ever saying a word about it, ever asking for anything in return, ever blaming me for one second. He taught me what real love is. I think it says a lot about the way women see men in this country, that they'd consider leaving a man they're supposed to love because he's going through a rough financial patch. I think that's awful. And I'll probably get deleted because of this, but I'd like to add the word "despicable" to that sentence too.
Mykie7 Mykie7 8 years
And that's not about money, it's about being able to support a family for life. There's a difference there. Karlotta, you go girl. I got the sarcasm in the cheating comment, and you're absolutely right, if HE can't handle his s***, why should I?
Mykie7 Mykie7 8 years
It never would have gotten that far. Right off, if I see he can't manage his money, there's no future and he's gone. Period, end of story.
austerity austerity 8 years
To me, a boyfriend is like a husband. Of course I would help him out. Especially when he's having such bad luck with accidents and parents. It's not like he squandered everything while gambling, is it? And if I thought he were not good at managing his money, I would criticize him for it and set some rules/give advice persistently on what he should change. If you're not willing to do even this much for your man, it indicates you don't have a very serious relationship.
bluebellknoll bluebellknoll 8 years
Calm down, people. I take it that some of you missed the sarcasm in Karlotta's answer???? Anyhoo, if I were in a serious relationship with the bf I would probably help. But I would have one condition that he would take serious steps to get back on track.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
You make your own luck; if you're broke, it's of your own doing. Don't come crying to me because you've got medical bills and student loans - you should just be a better driver, and work hard enough to get a scholarship if you can't afford tuition. Men are here to entertain me, not whine for help when they can't handle their shit.
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
It really depends. If you're in a serious, committed relationship, and you don't feel that he's being a mooch, but simply needs help to get back on his feet, then I see no problem whatsoever with helping him out. My fiance and I have both been through hard times, and both helped each other through hard times, and because of the nature of our commitment to each other, that's only made us stronger.
robinlh912 robinlh912 8 years
This is 100% off topic, but when I was scrolling along the page and saw the picture, I swear I thought that was a picture was Brett Favre. Oh the joys of being from Wisconsin :D
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 8 years
I would help him- if he's your boyfriend....then you should trust him....right?
angiet521 angiet521 8 years
Don't do it!!!!! I just came out of a 2 year relationship which was exactly the same. I've been tallying the money and I'm in over 10k. He walked away and left me high and dry.
pamelamarie88 pamelamarie88 8 years
I like what Skigurl said, I think I would most likely feel the same way, but I would give the matter a lot of thought. But wow, Karlotta, I really feel sorry for the poor man that falls for you, if that even happens
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
forgot to add - HE was the one with a fulltime job at a big corporation, and I'm a poor grad student - yet I used my student loan money to pay his bills. Then he dumped ME right after I returned from my grandmother's funeral!! finally he paid me back the last $500 he owed me last month - several months after he left me and moved across the country. Apparently he just bought a BMW and is making tons of money now. Figures! (at least I got mine back!)
DarlingDA DarlingDA 8 years
Wow, Karlotta...I feel sorry for any man you date! Anyway...My boyfriend and I have been together four years and have had our biggest fights about money. He's in school, so his parents help him out and he tries to work part-time, but I don't mind helping out most of the time since I work full-time at a better paying job. When I did start to feel taken advantage of, I sat him down and showed him all the bills and receipts for the last month to give him an idea of just how much groceries, paper products and electricity cost (I do most of the shopping and manage our bills). Once he realized he hadn't been pulling his weight, we made a deal where I pay more and he does most of the housework. Since he's in cooking school, he enjoys making dinner, plus he cleans up afterwards and generally keeps the house tidy. Ever since we worked out a system, we rarely even have to talk about money anymore, let alone fight about it.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
I did this for three years with my ex - he always owed me at least $500, I spotted him on our rent constantly. He was spoiled - his mom had always just given him as much money as he wanted and then cut him off when he moved up here to be with me. I didn't mind the money so much as the strain that it put on our relationship - sex stopped, the dynamic changed, and when a couple of months would go by with him still owing me $1000, I didn't like having to ask for it or nag him. I hope I'll never have to be in that role again.
wambalus wambalus 8 years
Ha, this is like my life, and it's really intereresting to read some of the responses, especially karlotta above. Really, your idea of relationship equality is to go out and cheat on him with some guy 'with a lot of dough'? What exactly would that accomplish, apart from making you both feel worse? In my relationship, we have had arguments over the years about his poor financial handling, but at the end of the day we made a commitment to each other. Once we realised that, the issue of money was not a big deal. I don't mind earning more than him, and I don't mind chipping in (within reason) when he needs help. Because he helps me in other ways. If all I cared about was money then I would have left long ago - but I haven't, which shows how much more I feel we have emotionally which counter-acts the money issue. Don't get me wrong - we still have many financial discussions to keep information pathways open - but it's not the end all and be all of our relaitonship. Just another hurdle to get past. Because I know, deep down, he would do the same for me in a heartbeat. Every relationship is different, but I don't think this is necessarily a dealbreaker. Unless you make it one.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
Im with skigurl. I would dump him, but not without cheating on him first with a guy who makes a ton of dough and works out at the gym. That will teach the sorry loser!
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