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Handle This: Your Date Can't Afford to Take You Out

Handle This: Your Date Can't Afford to Take You Out

Recently you were asked out on a date by a guy who works in your building. For your first date, he takes you on a fun factory tour of a local brewery, and you guys grab slices of pizza afterward. On the next date he takes you to his favorite burrito place and then an art gallery. Most recently you guys hit up a dive bar. You love that he’s zany, and you really connect with him in a way you haven't with a guy in a long time.

But when you ask if he'll come with you to a friend's birthday party at a sit-down restaurant, he says yes but only if you pay, since he’s broke. You don't mind paying, but since you know he has a job, you can't help but wonder if he's really broke or just cheap. How would you handle this?

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babysoftpink babysoftpink 8 years
Show him the door.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 8 years
She should pay. I'm a believer in sharing the money load in a relationship. (Though one person being unemployed can throw a spanner into the works) I don't go out much with my boyfriend, we mostly stay at home and bum around, it's fun and cheap. Though we both have jobs we've got expenses that really cut holes in what little we earn.
pumpkin81 pumpkin81 8 years
If she invited him out for her friend's birthday, then she should pay. Besides, although the first few dates sound inexpensive (but also really fun), there's no way to know what kind of restaurant her friends picked. If the guy is a little short on cash but not broke, and her friends picked a super trendy place with expensive food and $12 martinis, it's not unreasonable to him to say he can't afford it. He may have other expenses. Maybe if her friends suggested TGIFs it would be weird for him to say he can't pay (although she should still pay on principle). I've certainly been invited to group birthday dinners at fancy restaurants that I've chosen not to go to, not because I couldn't afford it but I didn't want to spend my discretionary money that way.
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
If I was inviting him to MY friends birthday dinner I would offer to pay anyway.
LadyLiLa83 LadyLiLa83 8 years
I agree...she should pay.
delia delia 8 years
She pays, for sure. My first date with my (now) husband, he told me, "I'd really like to see you this weekend, but I just had to get my car fixed and I'm a little broke." I suggested we go for a walk through the city, and it was the best date of my life. I was so flattered that he would openly state that he wanted to see me, and not be all macho about the money situation. We've had very open and clear communication about money ever since!
mandy_frost mandy_frost 8 years
She pays. Since when has being good with your money been called cheap anyhow? If you don't like where he's taking you, break up with him and a nicer girl will come along and snatch him up.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 8 years
popgoestheworld got it got it for me too. Plus, it's her friend and she's asking...so...duh, you'd pay no matter how rich your guy was! You'd have to be really into breeching a ton of etiquette rules to invite someone somewhere, and then expect them to pick up that tab! I do think it's a little odd to bring up personal finances so early, but maybe he just wants to avoid future embarrassment. Um, and what century are we in with all these, "men should pay for everything," responses. The guy has a job, has taken her out on some pretty fun sounding dates! Eventually if she finds out he doesn't have a lot of extra cash because he spends it on hookers or drugs- yeah that's a problem, but who knows, maybe he is saving money for a down payment for a house, or had medical expenses or student loans he wants to get paid down. People are so freaking materialistic sometimes!
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 8 years
she should pay since it is her friend. However, if he cant afford to date someone, then she should dump him
tigr3bianca tigr3bianca 8 years
I think since she invited him, she should pay. I don't think the guy should always be paying for everything. If you're looking for someone to support you financially, you obviously would not be happy with the beer tour or burritos; you would have been upset that you weren't dining in a 4 star restaurant and probably would have dumped him after the second date.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Wait a minute, you invite him to a restaurant and then expect him to pay? huh? I wonder how she'd start acting once the bill came. Geez!
courtney422 courtney422 8 years
I think the girl should pay because it's her friend's dinner, not his.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
i wouldn't date him anymore. i'd still be friends with him, but i would only consider being in a relationship with someone who is financially stable. i'm not looking for someone to support. maybe he's in medical school and can't afford it, maybe he's supporting his ailing mother. doesn't matter because i don't want to get involved with someone who has a cash flow problem. life is hard enough without adding life stresses.
Marci Marci 8 years
I'm with popgoestheworld, too. And who knows what the guy's story is. Maybe he has student loans to pay off and is having trouble making ends meet. And if his financial situation bothers her, then she should move onto someone else and not impose her financial expectations on someone who doesn't have it.
sushibananas sushibananas 8 years
popgoestheworld hits the nail on the head for me.
LoveSarah LoveSarah 8 years
I don't believe a guy should have to pay for everything %100 of the time. He has taken her to some fun places, and paid for all of that, and like some one else said he could be trying to pay off debt or have other expenses that she doesn't know about. I say pay for him, but if it becomes a trend where he never pays, dump his cheap ass.
HeidiMD HeidiMD 8 years
I applaud this guy for being resourceful and finding fun, inexpensive dates! I wouldn't have a problem paying for this date, especially if I was the one doing the asking. Just because he can't afford to go out to dinner every weekend doesn't mean he's not supporting himself; maybe supporting himself is taking up all his money. I think, at some point, intuition and his attitude about money will tell you if he's just cheap or really is having a tough time financially. Some of those dates sound really fun!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
It's the 4th date and she asks him out? She should pay, no question.
lexichloe lexichloe 8 years
I would never put myself in this situation. The guys I once went out w/ supported themselves, and therefore supported our dates together. Fortunately, I married the perfect man, who would NEVER expect me to pay for those type of things.
ckeller825 ckeller825 8 years
I definitely wouldn't think he's cheap. If he took me to all those places previously and paid for everything, I think the least I could do is pay, especially if I invite him to one of my friend's parties. It would be another story if he asked for me to pay for everything since the beginning, but it's not a big deal in my opinion.
cubadog cubadog 8 years
I do think she should pay since it is her friend's birthday and he likely does not know her. However, to me it is a weird to make a comment like that to someone you hardly know 3 dates is too early to hear about someones financial state. Your first three dates should have been an indication that the guy is either cheap or broke a tour at a local brewery is usually free, a burrito/art gallery, and a dive bar while fun I do not see this as someone that is trying that hard to impress you. I am not saying you need to spend a ton of cash but come on a sit down restaurant would be nice even if it is PF Changs he could at least try.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
No. I'm not paying for nothing...not to mention all he fed her was beer and guy food. No. Sorry, but it's cheaper for me to eat alone...catch you after dinner or you pay.
lizlee89 lizlee89 8 years
just ask him about it and make it clear that you're not gonna put up with cheapness, but if it really is a money issue, I'd be okay with it...
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
well i think that if it's still one of your first dates, it's not necessarily the right place to talk about personal finance, but i think that it's almost fair to ask him about it - if he's being honest or something like that. since you've only been out a few times, you don't know if he's trying to pay off debt, or if he's got expenses that you just don't know about. it's a sticky subject cause i know that i get defensive when my fiance asks me where all my money goes cause he knows that i have a decent salary. he just doesn't realize that i have more expenses than he does.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Oh, it's her friend - yeah, the woman should pay.
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