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I'm Ready To Start A Family But He's Not

I'm Ready To Start A Family But He's Not

Dear Sugar
I have been with my boyfriend for over eight years and I am ready to start a family with him. We are in an extremely happy and committed relationship, we are financially stable, but he is not emotionally ready. We are not getting any younger and I feel that the time is right for me now. How can I make him see we are more ready than he thinks to start a family? Baby on the Brain Jane

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Baby on the Brain Jane
Starting a family is a life changing decision and it is not to be taken lightly. I think it is important for both partners in a relationship to be on the same page when deciding to bring a new life into this world. If your man is not ready, you can't force him into this; he's got to be ready on his own. Do you know why he is hesitant about starting a family?

I would suggest sitting down with him and talking out the answers to the following questions:

  • Can you afford a child and everything that comes along with caring for a child such as health care, home care, emotional care, education, shelter, etc...
  • Do you have adequate insurance to support yourself and your child during your pregnancy?
  • Do you and your boyfriend have a similar vision, set of ideals and values on child-rearing?
  • Have you ever discussed how you might discipline a child? What are your thoughts on education? How about religious stances?

If you are itching to begin baby making then sit down soon to discuss all of these questions. You may find yourselves coming to harmonious agreements or you may find out that you have opposing positions on these issues. The most important thing to do is to get talking. Once you guys get through answering the hard questions, you'll have a better idea about where you stand in all of this. I hope it works out for you guys. Good luck.

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M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 10 years
Oops! Boyfriend! Sorry.
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 10 years
I don't think you should pressure your husband. If he is not emotionally mature enough to take on such a huge responsibility, then you should respect that. He believes he is not ready yet, and there is nothing you can do to speed up his emotional readiness. From here you can do one of two things: wait for him to mature a little, or find someone else who is ready to start a family with you. It's a tough situation, but I think both partners need to be fully prepared to raise a child. Pushing him is not beneficial in any sense. I, personally, would move on.
mendo mendo 10 years
Not to sound like Dr. Laura, but if he hasn't even asked you to marry him after 8 years, you shouldn't even consider having a child with him. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby...Maybe you should try couples counseling or seriously consider how great the relationship is before you hit 10 years with no ring and no baby.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Wow 8 years? I think you definetly need to talk to him more. This may be something that isnt going to change. GL -------------------- The baby in my belly made me do it I swear.
L7amiguita L7amiguita 10 years
Eight years? Wow...sorry but if he is not ready to settle down after 8 years of being with you, there is something definitely wrong. You said that you both are financial able to get married, so what's the problem? Its not like your rushing into've been dating for years. Honestly, I think that maybe it has something to do with you...I would definitely think about maybe moving on if you ever want to get married...hard as it may seem. I hope everything turns out for the best...(Who knows?...I may be totally wrong on this one)
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