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Jealousy Breeds Contempt

Dear Sugar
My friend isn't rich and neither am I, but I am more well off than she is. She says her clothes are worth more than they are - (I know that she gets most of her stuff from lower grade stores, because she openly tells me and we are pretty close).

I really hate it because she gets to go shopping at any store that she wants, and she brags about what she spent. And when I go shopping I try not to make a big deal of it, but I almost feel like I want/have to because she does. I if tell her how much I spent she makes up lies about how that's not very much and she spends more on clothes (which isn't true).

Also, her Mom lets her wear make up doesn't (we are in 8th grade). But I feel like she throws it in my face whenever she gets a new cool eyeliner or lipgloss. My Mom allows me to wear kitten heels and hers doesn't so I don't go around telling her every time I get a new pair of shoes.

I just want to know how to keep it real with her and still live my life and not have to hide anything from her. Do you think it would it ruin our friendship if she found out about my shoes? Worried Whitney

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Worried Whitney
It sounds like your friend is super competitive, jealous and insecure! She's in for a long and frustrating life when she's old enough to meet really rich people. She's always going to feel inadequate about herself and sadly for her, she's going to spend her time (and money) trying to one-up everyone that she meets who has more than she does.

You are very mature for your age. Only tell her about your shoes if you want to; but NO, it definitely should not ruin your friendship if she found out about it. Your friend should be happy for you that you can wear the heels of your choice.

In time, this silly envy that she has for you will get old. Be who you are and be proud. Don't ever feel ashamed that you have more than she does; just remember to always be: tactful, humble and a kind and generous friend. Tell her that it's lame when she lies to you about the money that she spends on the clothes she buys.

She won't admit to it, but you should know that the only reason she is lying is because she's jealous of you.

Join The Conversation
GolferGirl GolferGirl 10 years
Splenda & Adriana--I agree. 100%
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
once again i agree totally with ethiopian princess. girl you're awesome with words!
Splenda Splenda 10 years
Both of you need to be declawed and get back to learning your ABC's of kindness. Trust me, you'll have much bigger problems as you get older. The girl may go Jerry Springer on ya and have your baby's daddy baby.
Adriana42 Adriana42 10 years
what a good way to make someone leave this page asap LMAO
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 10 years
also, you have your entire adult life to worry about padded bras and barely there panties. enjoy your childhood while you can.
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 10 years
it's natural for girls (and boys too) of your age to be competitive. it seems like both of you are still forming your identities which evolves throughout your life really. if you don't feel right confronting your friend about this unhealthy competition, try not to participate in it. your friendship isn't necessarily over because of frienvy. how you two deal with it will determine the fate of your friendship. there is always going to be something to compete over -- better barbie, better clothes, better shoes, better boyfriend, better grades, better college, better wedding, better waistline, prettier face, better husband, better kids, bigger house, better marriage, better jobs, etc. your friends should be the ones who root for you but bring you back down to earth when your head gets to big. the quicker you learn this and put it into practice, the stronger your friendships will be.
yrschatool yrschatool 10 years
maybe she was your friend at one time, but she's not anymore. friends don't try to make everything a competition or make you feel bad about what you have. try to develop some other friendships to fill the void this one is leaving you with and you'll feel better about yourself.
sucrepop sucrepop 10 years
If you're good enough friends, you should be able to tell your friend that you don't really feel comfortable listening to her talk about shopping. Instead, ask her to find something else to talk about - something you both enjoy. All you have to do is say something and she'll probably knock it off. If she doesn't, or if she gets offended by your request, then she's probably not a good friend in the first place. But also, you have think about your actions. You feel like you need to and WANT to tell her about how much you spent and where, so you're fueling the fire just as much as she is by telling her these things. Quite frankly, it would sound like bragging to me, so she probably assumes you WANT to talk about stuff like that. If you just resist telling her stuff like that, she'll probably figure it out and drop the subject eventually. Also, have you considered the fact that your friend may NEED a padded bra and you don't? If that's the case, then just remind yourself that she only had to get a bra because she needed one, whereas you don't. She could be telling you about her new toothbrush for all you should care. So don't react. If you react, then you prompt her to keep bragging. Just smile, and then move on to a new subject. And a word to the wise - by labeling the stores she shops at as "low-grade", you're marking them as something below what you might shop at. It sounds quite derragatory and makes you sound like you've already got that "I'm-holier-than-thou" thing going already. Which might be one of the reasons your friend keeps trying to compete with you and one-up you - because you're doing the same thing to her.
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