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My Boyfriend Or My Bills?

Dear Sugar
I am trying to pay off my student loans and am currently working two jobs. My boyfriend of six months doesn't like one of my jobs as a bartender at a local dance club but it pays very well. I feel like the main reason he hates my job is because he doesn't trust me.

There are many guys at the club every night, but I love my boyfriend and would never cheat on him. I only plan to work at the club until I can get my bills under control. As soon as they are at a manageable level, I’ll apply for a steadier career with my degree.

If only my boyfriend could just let it go already! He has actually given me an ultimatum; my job or him. I am so close to being debt free that I am just not ready to give up the fantastic money that I am making as a bartender. I honestly don't know what to do. Am I being selfish by not quitting? Broke Brooke

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Broke Brooke
Student loans are no fun so I am sure you are working hard to pay them off. His insecurity makes me think that he has been hurt in the past by a girlfriend which is why he is hesitant about you working in such a singles type of environment. Have you reassured your boyfriend of your love for him?

Have you guys hit some rocky patches lately? Try explaining to him that although he has been hurt in the past, he has no reason to doubt you. Since there is a light at the end of the tunnel, reassure your boyfriend that your job is temporary. If he is making you choose the job or him, I happen to think it is your boyfriend that is being selfish, not you for struggling with the decision.

Present him with the facts, how much longer you will have to work there, how much more money you are getting paid as a bartender at the club versus your other job, etc..., and see if he understands your rationale a bit more. If he still confronts you with an ultimatum, it looks like you have a tough decision to make.

Join The Conversation
Padraigin Padraigin 10 years
I would say "oh, so my job is threatening to you? You don't seem to trust me, even though I have have given you no reason not to, so I'm giving YOU an ultimatum. Stop giving ME ultimatums or it's over." I once had a guy tell me he didn't want me singing in clubs anymore. Needless to say, he didn't last long.
colormesticky colormesticky 10 years
He's threatening to dump you. If that's how seriously he takes the relationship, I say do it first. He obviously doesn't care about you enough to put up with the bartender job, and no matter how much you love him he still wants to DUMP YOU. Kick him to the curb.
Luna13 Luna13 10 years
i agree with the above, your boyfriend wouldnt quit his job if u didnt like it, why not tell him to come visit you at the bar and then he can see what u do exactly and feel better about it. My ex used to work in a bar on the weekends i hated it as i never saw him but i went to the bar and sat with him and supported him as he needed the money he should do the same.
tifygodess24 tifygodess24 10 years
Sorry bout the double post :)
tifygodess24 tifygodess24 10 years
Would he quit HIS job if you didnt like it.....???!! ( most likely not ,so- and in the "nicest" way possible - he needs to suck it up and shut up! :) )
cgmaetc cgmaetc 10 years
Pay your bills, bills, bills girl! You can always get another boyfriend. Bad credit is forever! -the ceeg
AfflictedLove AfflictedLove 10 years
I think jealousy is a part of a relationship when you really love someone. Especially when you or him have had problems in past relationships, and care a lot now. You need to sit him down and make sure that you WILL quit this job once things are settled. Give him a time and stick to it. Would you really be comfortable with him in the same enviroment? Keep in mind that guys really understand that no matter how hot they think they are, they know that girls get approached a lot more and can get nearly any man they want, or don't want, lol. Tell him that you love him and the ultimatum hurts and like I said, give him a time and stick to it. If he loves you like how I think he does, he'll understand. Good luck.
sugar_gal sugar_gal 10 years
Well, for one thing, he should trust you and not be worrying or assuming that you might cheat on him or something. I`d try to talk it over with him again, but,if it doesn`t help, lose the job and stay with your boyfriend IF he`s everything you wanted and you know this is the only guy for you.But, if you realize that your bf`s not that great, I`d dump him and keep the job until you pay off the loan. Good Luck!
Kbrooks1122704 Kbrooks1122704 10 years
This sounds like a tricky situation. If he wants to make it work he has to understand you sisuation, otherwise make him pay! (j/k) One upside is student loans are a positive form of credit. Suzie Orman (awesome financial consultant get one of her books!) says that you can prolong them and make smaller payments. These will not harm your credit, in fact they help because its showing you've invested in your future. I'm sure you probably have a lot. I've cut mine back to almost the minimum and have made priorities out of car/credit payments. So maybe you can look into that to take the stress off working so hard. good luck!
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
if there's one thing i can't stand in a partner it's jealousy and an inability to trust. if you haven't cheated on him then he's being ridiculous. tell him that. remind him that he's the only guy for you and that you have never and will never cheat on him. if he's still acting like a big baby then i'd find a new guy, just me though.
nicachica nicachica 10 years
i'm sorry, but why do you want to be with someone who doesn't trust you? that's a fundamental part of ANY relationship and if you haven't done anything to warrent distrust, then you have a big problem on your hands. the issue does not seem to be you being a bartender, but rather his insecurity that you might cheat on him. it sucks because a big part of being a bartender is to be personable and yes, a little flirty with the guys (duh, that's the best way to up your tips!). maybe he doesn't like that at all...maybe you can compromise in that area? Good luck!
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