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Nothing Is Ever As It Seems

Dear Sugar
I know that I should feel elated right now, but at the moment I am stuck in a well of jealousy and sadness. My sister-in-law is having ANOTHER baby. Her first child isn't even a year old yet, and she's already pregnant again.

They can afford another kid. She has a wealthy husband, a happy family, a big house with a white picket fence, and two new SUV's. She even had the most extravagant, princess wedding. She and her husband honeymooned in the Bahamas and it was there that he surprised her with a diamond wedding band.

She has platinum hair, a tanned body, fake boobs and she doesn't have to worry about paying bills. On top of that, she has the most wonderful personality. Her life is perfect - at least that's how it looks to me. I am jealous that she is living my dream.

I know that I am only 24 (she is 27) and that I have plenty of time to build what she has. But so far, things aren't looking up for me. I am married with a three year old son and living with my mother. We're nowhere near having enough money to buy/rent a house and at the moment, I have $150 to my name.

I've always wanted my children to be close in age, but at this rate, I won't be able to afford another child any time soon. I had a courthouse wedding and a reception at my Mom's condo. My honeymoon was a two-night stay in a hotel somewhere nearby.

I need to know what I am doing wrong with my life. Also, I like her, I don't want to be so jealous of her. I told my Mom about my sister-in-law, but she didn't even really pay any attention to what I had to say. I need some advice fast about how to cope with my feelings. Seriously Jealous Sister

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Seriously Jealous Sister
Whoa, I know that you are being honest, but your jealousy is pretty ugly. Do you wish problems for your in-laws or something? Your sister in law doesn't deserve having to be compared to all of the time by you. Where is constantly using her as a measuring stick going to get you. From where I stand you look like your life could be a lot worse. You have a husband, a child and a mother who has taken you in.

So what, your brother in law is rich. That's wonderful and hopefully they are generous to you and to your son but is all you can see in them their money? How about that they are your child's aunt and uncle and your husband's sister?

Also, don't forget that nothing ever is as it seems. Just because they aren't in a financial struggle doesn't mean that their life is perfect. Need I remind you that you have no idea what is happening behind closed doors. Think...Wisteria Lane. Albeit your sister in law and her husband may not have "privilege problems," but nevertheless, I am sure they have their own set of things they battle... everyone always does.

Just concentrate on your own life. Money does not guarantee happiness. In fact, I was just watching a special the other night about the trouble that follows those who have won the lottery. All you need to do is worry about your own family. Stop comparing her to you. Who knows where you might be in four years!

Join The Conversation
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 10 years
Find a therapist to talk this all over with. You're being unnecessarily jealous. To quote Faith Evans, "With more money comes more responsibility." The more perfect your life is, the more trouble you have maintaining it, and maintaining the outside image that you are jealous of.
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 10 years
Shawna, please don't leave sugar, I also find your honesty refreshing, life experiences interesting, and think you have overcome a lot, in your short 23 years. Why do you want to leave? Does anyone know? This is supposed to be a happy place that is why I joined. :) I didn't even know they were degrees of tears? Are you all being serious? Btw, I don't have children.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
I suffered a 2nd degree internally not quite a 4 but wasnt to bad. the dr can fix it up even better then it was b4 ;)
siouxsie siouxsie 10 years
im not a wuss...i just don't want my favorite part ripped to smithereens for a screaming worm with hair...
la_clique la_clique 10 years
Aw, ya'll are a bunch of wusses! :) But I'm not looking forward to that part, either! That's what the epidural is for!
Padraigin Padraigin 10 years
When the stork really DOES deliver babies is when I might consider it.
siouxsie siouxsie 10 years
alright its official..if i do have kids..i am adopting unless they find a way to grow one in a jar...
la_clique la_clique 10 years
Yeah, that is a worry! In watermelon v. small hole...small hole never wins! lol But the watermelon is a cutie!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
oh ladies, i couldn't sit down for about a month after each one and that was with "cuts". i remember after i got pregnant with my first thinking "there's only a couple ways for this baby to come out and neither appeals to me!"
la_clique la_clique 10 years
I KNOW! I think I will focus on the cute, gurgling baby instead of the crazy stuff it does to my body. The end is worth the means...
siouxsie siouxsie 10 years
ok..vaginal tears..there is reason A1 i am never giving birth... my mom told me about fourth-degree tears and i nearly ran out of the room think this woman doesnt want grandkids....
la_clique la_clique 10 years
Valeri, I haven't had one yet, so I'm holding on for modern technology to keep improving the process! I'll see if they can work on the vaginal tears and hemoroids while I'm making requests! Keep your fingers crossed, maybe next year! ;)
la_clique la_clique 10 years
Well, I can agree with that siouxsie, though the best possible situation is a relative term and depends on the people involved, I am old fashioned and know that the best situation for me will be married and financially stable. "Babies aren't bandaids" is true, babies are alot of work and expense, even the planned ones and it's not fair for the child involved.
siouxsie siouxsie 10 years
i don't think it's the unplanned part that's the issue. it's the bringing babies purposefully into yucky situations and thinking the kid will fix everything... you can be married or in a very secure relationship and settled and have a decent career and have an unplanned pregnancy and all is groovy. im not saying planned or just saying people who put their own needs before whether or not it will really be best for that little future person to be brought into their life. that's what bothers me.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
la_clique, i like that! if you could make it a drive thru window we'd be ready to go, lol!
la_clique la_clique 10 years
Well said, Valeri. Alot of my friends had babies that were not planned, and then rearranged their lives accordingly and looked at their children as blessings, even though they weren't necessarily the most conveniently planned blessings! lol at "squirted", if only it were so easy! Push in the belly button, out they pop, all clean and wearing Baby Gap...HAHA!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
there's definitely something to be said for waiting to have your children until you can afford them. it's lovely to have a house with each child in their own room and to be able to send them to private school and enroll them in the activities they want to be involved in. personally i prefer to stay at home with my children and wouldn't dream of sending them to day care. i do think it's just as important to wait until you are mature enough to appreciate the choices other people make. families are made up of all types of people as we can see by looking at who is represented on this site. i can't imagine a parent thinking of their child as having been "squirted out". although not all babies are planned i'm certain all of the babies here are very much loved and wanted. we all have different ideas of what "secure" means, but reasonable minds can differ and still be respectful of other points of views. tolerance is one of the most important family values. :)
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
lol @ muggle
siouxsie siouxsie 10 years
it puts my brain on the rapid spin cycle as well. and that's how you get dysfunctional kids too, because in order to survive sometimes the mom will move in with bad or abusive boyfriends. sometimes (like in my case) mom becomes abusive because the kid turned out to just be a baby muggle..not a magical baby that could solve all her problems so she resents it because she gave up her freedom for nothing.
Toronado Toronado 10 years
I, as well, Siouxie. They're certainly doing the baby no favours...not to mention the inconvenience on family members when they suddenly find themselves caring for (and paying for!) these irresponsible people. I mean, if you're already on hard times or in school or in the process of building a life for yourself, why on earth make the job 10-times as difficult by having kids when you're simply not ready? It boggles my mind.
siouxsie siouxsie 10 years
tor- i think some people think babies are magic..and all their dreams will come true when a baby is will fix their relationship problems..their insecurity problems...their lonliness...etc. babies don't do jobs...babies ARE a job...and it pisses me off to no end when people have them for selfish reasons...
Toronado Toronado 10 years
Can anyone please explain to me why some people choose to squirt out the babies BEFORE building a secure life for themselves?
Padraigin Padraigin 10 years
Thank you, la_clique. Some of us have learned lessons throughout our lives and attempted to pass them on.
la_clique la_clique 10 years
Shawna, I really hope you don't leave! But, you did ask for opinions and we gave them. (and, everyone pretty much gave advice in the same vein) This is a protected public formum of sorts and people will say what they really feel. What you do with the advice is your business. I hope you take what everyone has said and think about it, this isn't a personal attack on you...everyone has days when they feel sorry for themselves, but you can't live that way every day and have a prosperous life. My comments, and I'm sure the others as well, came from life experience and making mistakes... I wish you the best, and hope you stay. :)
Twinkle1 Twinkle1 10 years
Nice back flip :O
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