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Relationship Protocol: How Often Do You Pay?

Gone are the days when the man automatically pays for everything. Since many women out there bring home more money than their significant others, the paying field seems to be evening itself out more and more. When I'm in a relationship, I treat as much as I can budget — if I can't swing paying for nice dinners, I'll be sure to buy breakfast or coffee in the mornings. So ladies, perhaps you make more money than your significant other, or maybe you don't make anywhere near as much as he does — whatever the case, how often do you treat? Are you pretty much 50/50, does he usually pick up the tab, or are you the one that tends to foot most of the bills?


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uptown_girl uptown_girl 8 years
I DEFINITELY pay for more and it's really freaking annoying. All I know is he orders tshirts & hats online pretty frequently, and goes out with friends more frequently, but yet, he's always broke and occasionally borrows money and has to "pay me back on the next paycheck". I feel like such a bitch asking him to give me ANY for groceries (most stuff is for both of us, but I buy a lot of stuff that is for him only, but I still pay for WAY more than 1/2) all the time, but if I didn't get him to pay me back I would never spend money on myself. I RARELY make a purchase that is something for ME. My money goes to food & bills, food & bills.
seraphimm seraphimm 8 years
AyrtonSenna AyrtonSenna 8 years
Phunkometry, as you wrote, in the scheme of relationship problems this one is relatively small! I think that you are right that he is just taking pride in doing this for you (that is certainly how I felt when I was with my girlfriend). Sometimes my girlfriend would look at me very earnestly and tell me that she wanted to pay for lunch and I would of course agree and say "Ok, but dinner is on me!" So, as I wrote, I generally paid for things but she took care of a portion as well. It worked well for us - she just drew some sharp lines about when she wanted to do it. Perhaps just draw some sharp lines for your boyfriend when you want to pay and, being the good fellow he is, he should get the message. Then it will set a pattern that is more comfortable for you.
Phunkometry Phunkometry 8 years
AyrtonSenna, that is exactly how I feel. Last night, we went to an outdoor concert. He had no cash except $4.50 in quarters, and the food stand didn't accept credit cards. My reasoning was that since he had paid for the tickets, which, with fees and all came out to be over $95 total, it would be no problem if I paid for the food, which cost exactly $16 total. And the whole time he was thanking me and apologizing to me simultaneously, "Thank you so much babe, I'm so sorry you had to pay for that food!" Over and over again. I don't think that he does it to be controlling--I think it's more a matter of pride--but I definitely feel like it makes me owe him something in return. Not necessarily sex or whatever, but I just feel like its really an uneven balance, and I do feel disrespected sometimes. Thankfully, this is pretty much our biggest relationship problem. Things could be much worse.
AyrtonSenna AyrtonSenna 8 years
When I was with my girlfriend I generally paid for everything (restaurants, cafes, movies, trains, plays, etc). It was a privilege to be with her so it never bothered me and I would not think of letting her pay. However, I would never do it to the absurd length that she felt uncomfortable. She would sometimes just go up and pay for something and I would just thank her. I think for some fellows it can become too much of a mania and there is a tinge of control in it. The point is to be show respect and consideration to the woman, not to make her uncomfortable and resentful.
lillis lillis 8 years
At the moment my guy pays a bit more, because he's making more money, but while he was studying and I was working, I payed a bit more. It depends on our financial situations, we tend to help each other out in that way.
lilCROAT03 lilCROAT03 8 years
i pay most of the time. my guy just started his own business and i know he has a million things on his mind. he has more serious bills to pay than i do so i don't mind AT ALL. i know that the money he's making is going to support things that are more important than a night out on the town- these things will in turn give us a lot of money later on to play with. from a business perspective, i understand a start up is slow, and i think he's relieved bc i'm sure other girls would be totally annoyed. i have to say tho, i'm getting used to these movie nights! elastic waistbands, microwave popcorn and face masks (yes both of us)! haha.
Phunkometry Phunkometry 8 years
Same here, seraphimm. But I get really annoyed when he won't let me pay for a sandwich or a bottle of soda or a pack of gum. To be fair, one of the first things he said to me on our first date was, "By the way, you don't pay for anything." Which was nice when I didn't have a job. But now... I don't know. It's nice, but it's almost insulting sometimes. Last time we went to Starbucks together, he didn't have cash on him, and I was like, look, I have a $10 bill, I'll take care of it this time,. and he almost made a scene in front of the barista and everyone. Ugh.
opisnowpro opisnowpro 8 years
my husband pays everything, but sometimes I buy coffee or drinks, and special gifts for him....
Talldiva45 Talldiva45 8 years
My BF pays for just about everything when we go out to eat and things. He has a better job than I do as of this point. But I try to pay for his drinks when we go out. One time I paid for dinner when we went out w. our friends and he said it made him feel really weird and he usually picks up the bill.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
Well right now I'm not working so technically he pays for everything. We've always been pretty even about paying for things. I used to have a job that paid a lot better than his and I'd pay for everything. We both depleted our measly savings when we were in our late teens just starting our relationship when we were long distance. My husband doesn't mind paying for everything and I think he actually prefers it but since he doesn't make a lot of money I can't let him do that.
xoxoxx xoxoxx 8 years
My Beau pays for EVERYTHING. When we go out, he'll pay for food and win me little teddies and things. When we go to the movies, when we go shopping...he says he likes to spoil me, but sometimes I feel bad because I haven't gotten a job yet. When I do come across money, I like to buy him something special. There was even a time when my parents complained about me eating food - not even a lot, mind you [I was 17 at the time] - so he would buy me groceries every week, and I'd keep them in my room [except for frozen dinners, of course]. My parents would actually call me selfish when I wouldn't share, but after their past comments, there was no way in hell it would happen. Beau bought me groceries every week for months until my parents realized it was their responsibility to do so, and not his. I'm so lucky to have him. ;-;
pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 8 years
I always try to make it equal... but he HAS to at least offer to pay my share
havok636 havok636 8 years
robinesque robinesque 8 years
Seraphimm, girl, time to MARRY that man!
alexask alexask 8 years
he's much older than i am, and i'm still in college while he has a job. so he pays for drinks and for most restaurant meals. however, every once in a while we'll go to a nice, expensive restaurant and i'll throw my card down before he gets to it. and i like to cook whenever he asks to, or go food shopping myself if he's tired or sick. so it kinda sorta balances out.
seraphimm seraphimm 8 years
My boyfriend is just a very generous and well-mannered person. I always tell him, "Chivalry is not dead because of you" He never lets me pay for anything! but I try to make up for it in sneaky ways :P for example thursday night, I'll get groceries to make him dinner at his place. and it's expensive!! I usually spend $70 on dinner for two. but he absolutely LOVES it when I cook for him, and we love cooking together so it's worth it :) friday night, we'll go to the movies. he'll have the movie tickets already (bought online w/ his credit card) and he'll pay for the popcorn/drinks as well even though I try to pay. like today, I was bringing pastries home for my mom, and he paid for it! it's so sweet because he's a student with a part time job... my ex would NEVER pay for anything. it didn't bother me at all because I like being independent, until I realized... he didn't even OFFER to pay for my $6 burrito (when it was my turn to order, he quickly walked away), but on the way back he bought a pack of cigarettes with the same price tag.
robinesque robinesque 8 years
What about the married people? My husband INSISTS on paying for everything, unless I drift off somewhere and buy something "frilly." Do the married people have a different answer? Curious.
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
I think we are pretty even. If we are driving my car everywhere for the weekend, then he'll put gas in it for me. If he pays for the movie tickets, then I'll pay for drinks and/or dinner. If hes having a tight week, then that weekends date will be on me and vice versa. We make pretty much the same amount of money and its never been an issue for us. (Knock on wood)
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 8 years
My boyfriend and I are both college students, but he has a great job, and I live off of the money my parents send me. He says he likes to "treat me," but I think I instilled that sense in him because I was raised to believe a guy should treat me well, and I used to tell him how important that was to me (and complain when he treated me poorly). When he didn't get paid for 3-4 months once, I mostly paid, but when he finally got his overdue checks, he paid me back in cash. Now, he pays for everything unless I can whip out the cash or credit card faster (And it's quite a challenge!). I've also paid for mini-vacations and hotels, but he'll pay for the food; he'll pay for parking even when I drive; buy all the food to cook for me in my own apartment; and if we're both buying something at a store, he'll pay for my stuff, too.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
I honestly don't know. We trade off. I have always made more $ than my boyfriends so I don't mind.
heineken67 heineken67 8 years
I pay for most household items and groceries, so he usually pays when we go out (unless it's cash-only and he forgets to go to the ATM).
Dr-No Dr-No 8 years
He makes 3 times more than I do--but has more expenses than I do (and buys more expensive things than I do!). Still, he pays most of the time (85%-ish). Hey, if he likes to buy expensive things for himself (OK, and for me, but mostly himself!) then he shouldn't mind shelling out for dinner!
designerel designerel 8 years
I make more than him, yet he usually pays for our meals out. When we go to the movies, he pays for the tickets but I'll get the snacks and drinks. If we pick up our favorite pre-made margaritas from the package store, I'll pay for that too. And occasionally I will pay for meals as well. He drives us everywhere too, so that is a factor considering the gas prices. I think it all evens out in the end.
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