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Should You Tell Potential Employers About Your Upcoming Wedding?

One of my best girlfriends is getting married in just two months, and yesterday we discussed whether or not her wedding should come into conversation during an upcoming job interview. Her dad advised that she shouldn't bring it up, while her fiancé and the woman who is her connection with the new company said that she should mention it. She doesn't want the upcoming wedding and honeymoon to give her a disadvantage but she doesn't want to be dishonest, either. Find out what I suggested when you


Her career is one that requires flexibility in terms of start date, and employers in her field generally expect new hires to start ASAP. She explained that availability may very well come up in the first few minutes of the interview because of its importance. While talk of timing is a natural lead for discussing other scheduling issues like her wedding, it's not appropriate to bring that up before talking about other things like her qualifications for the job. In this instance she should wait until the end of the interview to mention it.

We ran through other scenarios, like the fact that her young and newly married interviewer may notice her gorgeous engagement ring and ask if she's engaged or married — that open door would be ideal. Ultimately we agreed that no matter how the interview plays out it's necessary to be honest about her wedding that's just two months away. If the question of when is she available to start doesn't come up until the end of her interview, I suggested that would be a good time to say that she's eager to begin working with them immediately but wants to let them know about her August wedding.

In my opinion, she should let them know about her wedding because it takes place within her first couple months of work, but if her wedding were much farther away I wouldn't have given the same advice. I can't see this being an issue unless there is some enormous project that coincides with the time she'd be away. Taking two weeks off isn't a terribly long time, especially if they think she's the perfect fit for the position. Would you tell an employer about your upcoming wedding if it were in such close proximity?

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asjs5 asjs5 9 years
I agree with snowbunny, when they hear wedding they think "maternity leave". I would wait until offered the position and then mention the time off you need for previous plans. I'm not paranoid usually, but I have been asked in interviews (wearing my engagement ring) "is there any reason you would need extended time off in the next two years?" Clearly alluding to having kids.
reena2 reena2 9 years
I would not bring it up on a first interview. I would wait until a position was offered. I would only then (if I plan to accept the position) tell them I had a non-refundable trip planned. I have found most employers are willing to give you the time off w/o pay if you have not accured enough vacation time, if they know at time of your hire. This is also "in general" when I did have a trip planned - I was never refused. If the company doesn't realize you have a 'life' *before* you are hired, do you think their attitude will change when you're an employee? I, too, would not wear an engagement ring to interviews. As mentioned above, never lie but you can be vague - and never initiate the topic.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
I meant I wouldn't wear my engagement ring to an interview.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
I would not wear my engagement ring to work, and I would only bring it up when asked about availability as a vacation. I know it sounds really paranoid, but I have worked 70 hour weeks, and seriously even though it's illegal to discriminate, getting married can mean having kids and less time, etc. Obviously your boss is going to know you got married, and I wouldn't go out of my way to hide it, but I just simply wouldn't want to refer to it in any way during an interview.
MarinerMandy MarinerMandy 9 years
If they ask I would be upfront about it, but if not I wouldn't say anything. If I got an offer I would say that I needed to be off those 2 weeks. In my experience, if they like you enough to make an offer they are okay with working around things like that.
ilanac13 ilanac13 9 years
i think that the advice is sound, however if it were me, i would wait until after getting through the first round of interviews before i would bring it up. here in NYC you typically have to interview more than once to get a position, and you shouldn't put too much out there on your 'restrictions' until you know that you're really being considered for the position. it's hard when the wedding is soo close, however knowing that you'll probably work for them for quite a while after you get back...that should really count for something.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
if they don't ask, i wouldn't mention it it's not the wedding i think she needs to mention, however, it's the honeymoon...if she's a good employee (especially just starting out) then she won't let wedding planning affect her working hours, and likely the ceremony is on a weekend. BUT eventually she's going to have to ask for 2 weeks off for her honeymoon, so my advice is to wait until they offer her the job and then say "i really appreciate the opportunity, i would love to take you up on your offer. i just want to let you know upfront that i have an unrefundable trip planned and will need the following 2 weeks off. but otherwise i'm ready to jump in head first" by the time they decided they wanted to hire her, they won't go back on their offer just because of 2 weeks vacation... but don't lie in the interview if they do ask!
pinkprincess85 pinkprincess85 9 years
I think be honest. I have had interviews where I was going overseas in a few weeks and I let them know and they were fine with it. It would hurt your chances of getting the job more if she lied and then started and told them then. Isn't there a 3 month period where they can say "this isn't working". If she lies then that may put her in a bad light to the company...
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I guess for time off reason she'd have to since it's so soon. If it were further away there would be no point. Hopefully they will still hire her.
MindayH MindayH 9 years
so crazy that you put this post up today. One of our clients let one admin go on Friday because they felt she was spending too much time to planning her wedding and was distracting too many other co-workers with questions about their thoughts about her wedding.
MindayH MindayH 9 years
As long as she will have the vacation time accrued to take time off for her wedding and honeymoon. I know a girl who just got fired for not saying anything during the interview process, and then told her manager her first week she was going to need to take off 2 and a half weeks unpaid. Her manager said that the reason she was hired was to help on a project, and wasn't going to be able to meet those commitments and was fired on the spot.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
If they ask what her availability is than I agree that she needs to be up front and tell them. I would treat like it was a vacation.
emalove emalove 9 years
I'm with Savvy.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 9 years
Dont ask, dont tell. If for some weird reason they ask, be vague :P
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
Yea I am with supercool. If they ask, then tell the truth. If they don't ask, keep your mouth shut. Like many job interviews, you are usually asked if you are planning a vacation anytime soon. So same goes for weddings ;)
mini_pixie mini_pixie 9 years
I agree with supercool, I would treat it the same way as I would any other planned vacation- if I knew about it at the time of the interview I would mention it (at the end, like you suggest savvy). I might elect to discuss it only in terms of a planned vacation and not a wedding, depending on the tone of the interview, and the field in which I'm interviewing, in case of any stigma.
supercoolnat supercoolnat 9 years
It's just like any discussion on availability and vacation planning. If they ask her up front, and it matters for scheduling purposes, then she should be honest. I don't think why it would be so bad for the wedding to be a discussion point. Will it really affect their hiring decision other than the scheduling (which would be a factor with any kind of planned vacation)?
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