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Shut Out

Dear Sugar
I was in desperate need for a summer job so I asked my best friend to help me get hired at the store where she works. After one interview, I was hired. We made it a point to not chit chat on the job and I did my best to show everyone that I got hired because I am qualified for the job, not just because I had the inside track.

There is another girl that works with us who is also close with my best friend, but I never really knew her before I started my job. On our first shift working together, they completely ignored me and totally shut me out. Now, every time we work together, I feel like they gang up on me and make me do all the work.

When my friend calls me at home, she acts like everything is normal. I really need the money which is why I am sticking with the job, but I don't know how to make this situation better. Should I quit or talk to my friend? Do you have any advice? Left out Lara

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Left out Lara
I am sorry you feel like the odd woman out. Could your friend be acting superior to you since she helped you get this job? I am sure you were excited about working with your best pal so feeling neglected by her can't feel very good. Had you had a falling out prior to accepting the position?

Girls ganging up on their friends is most commonly caused by insecurity. There could be a number of reasons why she is giving you the cold shoulder at work so, the best thing to do is have a talk with your friend. Tell her that you feel neglected and excluded and while you are happy she has made new friends you shouldn't be put on the back burner as a result.

It is perfectly normal for friends to act out of insecurity, but hopefully after a talk, you and your best friend can get back on the same page. You never know, perhaps this situation will spark a fun working relationship between all three of you. Good luck.

Join The Conversation
daniellee daniellee 10 years
This doesn't sound like a very good friend.
SLB SLB 10 years
Maybe you hurt her feelings when you talked about no chit chatting at work. Also maybe she does realize that she is hurting your feelings so talking can help. People act differently from their social, work, and family life. She maybe is having some trouble letting you to her work life.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
i'm guessing that the manager is scheduling you 3 together as a kindness to the 3 "friends". maybe ask for a different schedule, saying you are taking a class or joining a group or something and leave them out of it. this isn't a good time to be looking for a job in retail, but you never know. try schmoozing it up with other managers in the same mall and see what is offered.
colormesticky colormesticky 10 years
If she's still fine outside of work, then I'd find another job. It could just boil down to laziness on her part. She's been there a while a lost that newbie enthusiasm, so she assumes you don't mind covering for her since you're friends. I highly doubt it's personal.
Marci Marci 10 years
See, this is why I like to keep my different friends separate for the most part. Your friend's behavior is hurtful because she went out of her way to help you get a job and is still friendly with you except when this other girl is around. That just reminds me of the playground where kids would only play with one friend at a time. You should talk to her. I agree with tra that she may not be good at dividing her time between the two of you. I would expect she's aware of her behavior on some level, but since you're not calling her on it, she figures it's fine. So talk to her and see how it goes from there.
tra tra 10 years
Talk to her about it. Maybe she was told my management that they know the two of you are friends and one of you will be fired if they see you being anything but professional. Maybe she's just looking out for the both of you. Is she fine outside of work? Bottom to her, she may not even realize this is happening. She may just not be good at dividing her time among you and her other work friend.+
Miami-Gal Miami-Gal 10 years
I would start looking for a new job...and a new friend. I'm not into games and that is what this is. Games. Real friends don't do that to each other. A real friend would NOT treat you like this. Life is too short and this girl has issues if she has it in her to even go there and treat you like that. If you must stay and feel the need to do something, here is a suggestion and the only game I WOULD play because it typically would open up a converstaion to coyly shove in her face the game she played with you. Get some hot guy friends to come in and just say "hi" as well as other gal pals who she doesn't know. Don't say anything and she may come up and ask who is who. Tell her, oh just some new friends I acquired on my quest to move on after taking a page from your book. You know how it is. Leave it at that. When she calls, tell her you appreciate her helping you with the job and since your feelings are not important enough to her to treat you with consideration normal friends bestow on each other, that you would prefer to keep your relationship strictly on the professional level, that Jeckyl and Hyde is not your thing.
snowdaytoday snowdaytoday 10 years
Talk to your friend - sounds like she was a good one before all this happened. If she doesn't respond in a good way, then she's not worth it - find a new job.
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