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What Is a Thrisis?

You're Having a Thrisis: Labeling Adult Angst

How do you stay busy in between your quarter and midlife crises? Have a "thrisis" — a crisis tailor-made for your 30s.

Advice authors Andrea Lavinthal and Jessica Rozle help identify the defining qualities of a thrisis: "This isn't your mother's 30. These choices come with the pressure to not only have it all, but to make it perfect — the HGTV-worthy house, gifted children, high-powered career, and soul mate."

Mix in a recession, which prevents many adults from renting their own apartment not to mention buying their own home, and many 30-somethings feel like they're on a slow path to hitting traditional adult milestones. Plus, we have the added stress bonus of seeing everyone else's life play out on Facebook and Twitter, giving us something to compare ourselves to constantly. Your cousin just had a baby and you don't even have a boyfriend! Your high school sweetheart is engaged!


While I understand the pressure to live your best life never ends, I thought by 30 we were supposed to accept ourselves and our choices. I guess the realization that we don't have it all neatly figured out is where the thrisis begins.

Source: Flickr User copleys

Join The Conversation
stephley stephley 6 years
Life isn't nasty and brutish, but the 'system' that people created can be... and if it's short, why would I cite 90 year olds who press on despite what the 'system' throws at them? My whole point is: don't waste time hostessing a 'crisis' for yourself, keep moving. That's what I learned from a week of interviewing Holocaust survivors - people who really had something to complain about.
stephley stephley 6 years
Occasional envy is fine - that's human. It isn't trite because it's on Facebook, it's because there are always people who are doing better than us somewhere: before Facebook maybe we heard about it the local country club. Student loans have been a frightening issue since the 70s at least. If they’ve ‘rapaciously’ ruined someone’s live, the someone contributed to that mess - they’re bad, but I’m not buying ‘life ruining’. The ‘system’ is erratic for most people. As bad as this feels, it’s not a depression, it’s not World War II, it’s not Vietnam - someone born in 1929 would have been 46 by the end of the Vietnam War and would have experienced all three. We won’t even talk about how ‘the system’ fails people who join the military to serve their country and maybe get help with college so they can be successful, contributing members of society (who bypassed those student loans...) and come home with their brains mashed, or their faces destroyed, and/or limbs missing. Millions of people in their 50s today, who got their degrees, dealt with college loans, and worked their way up the corporate ladder, are finding the system has no more use for them: they’ve been laid off, they’re losing their homes, and are surviving on their kids’ college funds - and should reasonably expect to live at least 20 more years with no idea how where the money will come from. Really, life is hard. Be incredibly grateful when things go well and are somewhat on schedule. More than one person has worked like a dog all their life, didn’t worry about missing milestones and schedules, and still worked to graduate from college in their 90s - because it’s what they wanted to do and they wouldn’t be deterred..
stephley stephley 6 years
Did you read the post? Because of the recession, and the burden of watching other people who might be doing better than us on Facebook, people get to declare a personal crisis?? I'm not invalidating anyone's experience, I'm simply against raising problems to a status they don't deserve. Having a crisis or thrisis because your life isn't perfect is pretty damned self-defeating behavior. Try being poor, or lower middle even - some people never had the luxury of believing they were going to hit perfection in their 30s or any other time in life. They don't even have time to stop and feel sorry for themselves, because they're working their a$$e$ off to stay afloat.
dexaholic dexaholic 6 years
I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at 31 when I was young, but perspectives, needs and wants change as we grow older, thankfully! I thought I would be married - I ended a 14-year relationship a year ago and started over and could not be happier about it! I thought I would have kids by now, but I don't, I have a dog, and I'm more than ok with that! I thought I would own a home, but I don't - I rent an apartment in a beautiful part of the city and am making it work all on my own! If I continued to focus on all the things I thought I would have by now instead of all the things I do have, then I'm sure I'd be in a "thrisis" right now. But I'm not. Life after 30 has been fantastic so far!
JessicaM25 JessicaM25 6 years
...Jeez and I thought turning 25 was bad. Not good.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
I see I have much to look forward to.
stephley stephley 6 years
Yeah it's tough, but that's life - hardly "crisis" worthy. Live long enough and you're going to see the country/world experience some tough patches that likely will affect your life.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 6 years
Well, I would've shared that I do think it's a little tough to be out there right now looking for a career and starting your life, especially if you're behind your friends/peers a bit, but apparently that would make me a huge whiner.
Girl-Jen Girl-Jen 6 years
There could be something to this...but not for me. I'm 29 years old, divorced, and mom to a three-year-old. I'm not worried about getting married. I've been married and I didn't like it. I'm not worried about starting or expanding my family. I have the child I want. I'm not worried about buying a home. I have a place to live (a one-bedroom apartment) that is just perfect for me now. I'm not worried about a career. I found the job that I like to do. I am worried about my lack of retirement savings, but that's a standard-issue grown up worry that I am actively working to correct. If a woman grows up seeing the women in her family, and later the women in her peer group, having material success and starting families and being married by 30, they will likely see that as normal, and if they want those things, they will feel like they're missing out because they haven't gotten them by 30 (or the age when their moms or their peers got them).
stephley stephley 6 years
Boo-hoo, it's so hard to turn 30 in tough economic times! Why couldn't we do it during World War II, or during the 60s and Vietnam, or in the 70s when ads were all about women doing it all - you know, those eras when everything was handed to you on a silver platter on your 30th birthday? What crap.
bransugar79 bransugar79 6 years
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