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Would Your Job Take a Backseat to Your Husband's Job?

Would Your Job Take a Back Seat to Your Husband's Job?

Almost half of you are sure that your guy would be supportive if you earned more than him and 33 percent of you already do earn more. When I read a CNN article titled "Career couples fight over who's the 'trailing spouse'" I immediately wondered what you all would say about it.

It mentions a 2007 study of 9,000 married men and women ages 25-59 whose responses determined it's common to place more emphasis on the man's career. This especially seems to be the case when a couple relocates because of the man's career choices, leaving the woman to find work that may not be as good as the job she left.

When asked why she thinks the woman's career takes a back seat, the study's author says, "More often than not, men and women are taught to play very different roles within marriage. Women are socialized to play a homemaking role within the family, whereas men are encouraged to focus on their careers and breadwinning."


Join The Conversation
Courtney82 Courtney82 9 years
i am stay at home mom and I chose this option. I have a college degree and plenty of skills to get a job if a divorce where to happen. Not to worried about that. I am passionate about my job and if we had to move well my job would come with me so I guess its a win win situation.
bluebird bluebird 9 years
Um... I'm a future Army wife working on a business degree. My career will take a backseat to his, because it will be very difficult to keep a steady job when it's likely I'll be moving every two years. I think what snowbunny was trying to say was it would be nice if, for example, I could use the GI Bill to get my MBA when my fiance is deployed or training I can be more competitive. And yes, that would be awesome.
i-heart-monster i-heart-monster 9 years
j2e1n9 - I have to agree! And, I happen to think that our country would be better off if parents were able to have a parent stay home with their children and raise them with their ideals and values, rather than having someone else who really doesn't have a vested interest (except for a paycheck) in that child's rearing. Don't get the wrong picture of me - I'm not a mom, nor do I stay at home, but I did have a mom that stayed home with me until I got to school - a mother who was a psychologist - a woman with a viable career - who would have made a lot more than my father did. I'm not saying that's what SHOULD be done, by no means would I say that women should do that, but I really believe that a strong family is the basis of a strong nation. It's definitely a woman's choice though. No wrong choices either. Either way is fine.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 9 years
I know plenty of homemakers who have MBAs and decided to be committed to taking care of their families, so if a divorce were to occur I'm pretty sure the homemakers would just go back into the work force :? Even if she didnt have an education, she COULD get someone to pay her to take care of their home, - housekeepers, nannies, etc?? I dont think that Army wives are necessarily uneducated and need the GI Bill to get them an education, the ones that I know that are homemakers chose to do so because they move so often it is just not practical to keep starting and stopping careers. So they make their family a career. Not everyone needs a job to feel important. No offense, but there is so much more to maintaining a household than staying home baking and watching the children. :OY:
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
"Suzy Homemaker" doesn't always have the greatest skills if heaven forbid, a divorce were to occur...unless she can get someone else to pay her to make a home! I understand that at different times, due to relocation issues, someone's career might suffer, but I think that compromises should be taken in order to avoid anyone falling too far behind. As far as the Army thing goes, I bet that's tough! Hopefully they'll change the GI Bill to allow spouses to use the education benefits. That would at least be somewhat of a solution for what spouses should do when they are kind of forced to take the backseat. I looked at becoming an officer in the Army, but it was impossible because my boyfriend wouldn't be able to have enough flexibility in his career to follow me around. They should at least give you more control of where you live when you're not deployed! I think so many people, both in the Army and running it have this antiquated notion of a spouse just staying home and baking and watching after the kids!
i-heart-monster i-heart-monster 9 years
I am in the process of relocating for my husband's career. I left my job. Funny thing is that my old job can't replace me for even 50% more than what they were paying me. Ha.
nmac18 nmac18 9 years
My boyfriend has relocated twice due to advancements in my career. I would probably do the same for him if he was offered a fantastic job.
runnergeek runnergeek 9 years
my career doesn't take a backseat. i make slightly more. but even if i didn't i wouldn't let my career take a backseat. i have worked way, way too hard to be where i am.
ajennilynrushhh ajennilynrushhh 9 years
my career would kinda be in the backseat.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
No, it doesn't. In fact, in some ways, my husband's job takes a back seat to my business goals.
girlwparasol girlwparasol 9 years
in the relationship i'm in, neither would take a backseat. it's not about who could potentially make more (because, theoretically, if we WANTED to, either one of us could make a ton of money), but it's about if we could both remain happy. if either one of us got a job opportunity that would seriously compromise the other's happiness, we wouldn't take it, simple as that. we're all about compromise, and we WANT to move around a lot. (because we don't want children, so it'd be feasible.)
LaurenG22 LaurenG22 9 years
My hubby's an Army officer so yeah, I am screwed job wise :ROTFL:
verily verily 9 years
It depends on who would be making more.
gabiushka gabiushka 9 years
Yes, If we ever have children. I used to arrive to an empty home since I was very little and don't wish that to any child.
missyd missyd 9 years
depends on who makes more
javsmav javsmav 9 years
I've already taken one bar exam for my boyfriend (although, I have yet to move to that state b/c I refuse to do so without a job), I'm not taking another one. We either live where I'm licensed or somewhere where I can waive into the bar. He's fine with that & we both want to live in DC, so it's not a problem. Neither one of us have jobs with possibilities of relocation. He's a doctor, so he obviously wants to build up a practice in one place & I'm a lawyer who will hopefully have a solid client base one day. I think it's possible for our careers to be equal. And I can't make a home to save my life, so there will definitely be hired help all around. No Susie Homemaker here either.
poizenisxkandee poizenisxkandee 9 years
it would depend though on whos job was more difficult to move. the commenter earlier whose husbands business is run by him needs to have priority over her whose job can be found elsewhere. but even for school i didnt plan around my boyfriend at all. the only part he played in it was that i DIDNT want to go to his college so i COULD have independence and make my own way through school and meet friends and find places to hang out - all without having the temptation and missing out by clinging to him and all his stuff.
chicagojlo chicagojlo 9 years
I don't know if most mothers at least have a choice - my husband works long hours in an important job but they are flexible about him taking time off if my daughter is sick or he has to go into the school or something. Whereas because I am a woman if I try to do the same thing it is looked upon as if I am not giving my full dedication to my job by taking time off to attend to my duties as a parent.
chicagojlo chicagojlo 9 years
My career had to take a backseat because my husband has a better job with better benefits, but which requires him to travel so much that I have no choice but to fit my work around my daughter's schedule. It's actually the opposite of how we planned things since I was always the breadwinner until he got this job. Although this was never what I had visioned for myself, I also knew I didn't want my daughter coming home to an empty house after school every day. So I made my choice and put my child before my own desires. I still earn enough to pay the bills, it's just in a job with no future.
psychobabble psychobabble 9 years
Mine does take a backseat but that's because I'm a nurse. I can get a job ANYWHERE right now. That being said, if we were to move I know that we would be sure that both of us would be able to find jobs in appropriate settings before we would move.
TheMissus TheMissus 9 years
My husband makes hundreds of thousands of dollars more than I do, but my career does not take a backseat. If his job wanted to relocate him (which it is next year), before he agrees to it, we have to talk about the opportunities for me there. It goes the other way too... If my job wanted to relocate me, and I was passionate about the job, then I would work with him to see what opportunities there were for him there. I REFUSE to be a "Susie Homemaker." Not working at all is BORING.
krampalicious krampalicious 9 years
if i were to get a big new job, i'm pretty sure he would move with me, because he knows that if he got a big new job i would move with him. we try to keep things even.
Jude-C Jude-C 9 years
For me, it would depend on who brings in more income, regardless of which one of us that is.
sundrops sundrops 9 years
Mine does take a backseat. We married with an idea similar to the author's comment though. If I were to know what I know now and get married at this stage in the game and not have any kids yet, it wouldn't be the same.
KathleenxCouture KathleenxCouture 9 years
Yes my job would take a backseat to my boyfriend's when we get married. He owns his own business so there's no doubt. In fact, we're pretty financially secure right now so technically i don't really even need a job or career but I'm too strong-willed and driven to give up all that just yet. I have plans of getting my doctorate in Education eventually but that's a long ways away, i'm still only a sophomore in college right now pursuing a degree in education. So although i would have all of those years of schooling under my belt, his business is run by him and he can't afford to take the backseat route which I don't mind.
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