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You Asked: How Rude Can You Get?

Dear Sugar,

A friend of mine and her family just moved to the area where I live, and they are currently waiting to move into their new home. They asked my husband and I if they could stay the weekend with us because their house wasn't quite ready. They have two kids; ages three and seven, and I have a 16-month-old baby who is on a eating, playing, and napping schedule. We told the family that they could stay under the pretense that they'd be quiet when my daughter went down for her nap and at night at her bedtime. We also told them to buy some food for themselves because we are on a budget, and they agreed.

On Sunday afternoon, they asked if they could stay another seven days because there were delays on their house. My husband was leaving the next day for a month, so the decision rested upon me. I felt badly for them so I agreed. Throughout the week, they did not clean up after themselves in the kitchen, their kids jumped all over our furniture, they ate and drank our food, lounged around like it was their home, were not quiet when my daughter was sleeping, and worst of all, their kids would hit and push my daughter and take her toys away from her, pretending they were theirs. I ended up kicking them out two days before the end of the week. My question is was I wrong in telling them to leave earlier than I agreed on? Were we rude by telling them they had to buy food for their family? I'm feeling guilty for making them stay in a hotel, but I was at my wits' end!
— Taken Advantage of Tina

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Taken Advantage of Tina,

Yes, you agreed to let this family stay with you, but they didn't hold up their end of the bargain. In fact, they were completely rude and disrespectful by not obeying the rules you placed in your home, with your family, and your personal belongings — I would have kicked them out, too! Your hands are full enough with a 16-month-old baby so my hat goes off to you for even extending the invitation in the first place. Since money is tight for everyone these days, I think asking them to purchase their own food was completely fair — you provided them a roof and a bed — why should you feed them, too?

If you can't shake the guilt you feel, perhaps you should have a chat with your friend. Tell her where you were coming from and hopefully she'll see how her family's behavior crossed the line and you'll get the overdue apology you so much deserve.


Join The Conversation
watereatsrock watereatsrock 8 years
You did the right thing! You stuck up for yourself which is rare in todays society! You should give yourself a pat on the back, because you did not let rude guests walk all over you.
bchicgrl bchicgrl 8 years
you weren't rude at all, I would've done the same thing. You set ground rules from the very beginning and those rules didn't end just because it was only originally for the weekend. They are rude for taking advantage of the situation and not keeping their children in line. Don't feel bad, they should have just went to the hotel to begin with. It would have been easier and friendships wouldn't have become strained.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
the only thing i fault the host here for is "TELLING" them they had to buy food for their family. there's a polite way of saying "sure, we'd love to have you, but since we're on a budget, maybe you can pick up some groceries and we can make meals together" or some NORMAL, NICE and POLITE way of letting them know you can't afford to feed them. not TELLING them. it seems like you ARE rude, but a little compassion in this situation would have made your actions acceptable
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Well done for throwing them out! Wow, how rude! They didn't obey the house rules (which were incredibly reasonable) and you were totally within your rights to stand your ground.
sarah100682 sarah100682 8 years
Reguardless of whether asking them to buy there own food was rude ( I don't think it was), if you say "Yes, you can stay under these conditions," and they AGREE to it, then that's all that matters. You could say, "Sure you can stay, but you can only wear green the entire to you are here." which is silly, but if they say, "Sure, that's cool" then that's all that matters. I think you did the right thing in letting them know that you were not going to let them take advantage of you and ruin what you had going. I think you were 100% in the right! They agreed to your conditions, didn't abide by them, that's there fault.
ummyeaitsmarcie ummyeaitsmarcie 8 years
also, yes simple management could have helped with the kids. simple management from their rude freeloading parents who obviously weren't inclined to stop it.
ummyeaitsmarcie ummyeaitsmarcie 8 years
You were in the right, maybe talking might have helped but nothing excuses them messing with your baby. The other kids were a lot older than your daughter, the parents should have disciplined them cause thats just wrong on so many levels. Also where is it ever okay for children to jump all over furniture, especially when it isn't theirs. And they were only there for a week, not like after months they started pulling this crap. You had every right to be upset and to kick them out.
cupcakers cupcakers 8 years
not at all. They should be thankful you let them stay and they were completely rude.
Colleeninator Colleeninator 8 years
The rules you set down were completely reasonable, and they couldn't follow them. It's YOUR house, and you let them stay there, for free. You told them they could stay under certain conditions. Those conditions weren't met, so they didn't get to stay. It's more than reasonable for you to have kicked them out.
Miss-Senorita Miss-Senorita 8 years
You're house you're rules. They weren't being considerate.
Murmur314 Murmur314 8 years
If they have money for a house, they have money for a hotel. End of story.
notoriuskitty notoriuskitty 8 years
Oh my goodness! You were not in the wrong whatsoever! It was extremely nice of you to let them stay for as long as they did and you could have said no in the beginning but you were nice enough to let them stay. I also think the rules you set were good because sometimes people automatically take it all for granted. I do however, think that if you are feeling guilty you should talk to your friend and tell her that you had to do what you did because you needed to keep yourself on track (especially with your baby)! I think they would understand and maybe even think that they crossed a boundary and apologize.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
I think you were a bit hasty here. You could've talked to them about the inconsistencies instead of just kicking them out. After all, they're your friends.
Abbigail Abbigail 8 years
Oh and as for the kids, I think you may be over sensitive. If you've ever been in a preschool class, 16 month olds push and steal toys. Simple management could've resolved that.
Abbigail Abbigail 8 years
I'm going to disagree with everyone to an extent. It was only 2 more days, I don't think it would've been worth losing a friendship over. Yes, the people were totally and completely rude, but sometimes people don't realize that they are in those situations.
Athena123987 Athena123987 8 years
I am surprised you lasted 5 days! If their kids were pushing and hitting your baby, you had every right to kick them out; kids don't realize how they can hurt others sometimes, and your baby's safety is more important than any friendship. Sometimes you don't really know people until you live with them (I tried to live with friends in college, and learned this first-hand). When you start to feel bad, think about how their kids treated your baby; that is on a whole new level from just messing up the kitchen, and is completely unacceptable.
reactionary reactionary 8 years
their children hit your daughter? shame on them. that is nauseating. that complete and utter lack of respect alone would get someone kicked out of my home, whether stranger, friend, or family.
kristyy kristyy 8 years
I hope you gave them a chance by talking to them before you kicked them out. Yes, they were rude by not following "the rules" and I would have been pissed as well. Some people have no courtesy. But there are some hosts who encourage their guests to treat it like their own homes - mi casa es su casa. My friend is like that and really wants people to just relax in her home and she likes to play hostess who takes care of everything and provide lots of food to eat. So they are probably used to being around people like my friend and forgot that they needed to be on their best behavior. Kicking them out without any warning may have been a bit harsh if that was the case.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
That's just rude of them. If you're gonna freeload at least be respectful about it. As much as kindness is all good...the moment they disrespected my daughter, they'd be out half a second later. You did the right thing if anything. Who knows where this friendship will go, but hopefully they feel crummy for how they acted because obviously someone wouldn't kick you out for no reason at all. W/e. Dear's advice sounds good, hopefully everything's fine now. I'm pretty sure your husband would be behind your decisions 1000%. Maybe they're lucky he wasn't there too. (Since guys tend to be really really rude....I probably would have pulled a Christian Bale on 'em). LoLz.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
wow, you were very patient. and they certainly stayed longer than i would have allowed with that behavior.
geebers geebers 8 years
I would have kicked their sorry butts out way sooner too!! I am really glad you got rid of these rude boors. Who raises these people!?!?
karlotta karlotta 8 years
I would have kicked them out WAY before the 5th day!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
you werent wrong. at all.
TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
I wouldn't have let them stay the extra week either
candace87 candace87 8 years
You were absolutely right for kicking them out! I would have done it much sooner, or perhaps not even allowed them to stay that extra week. Especially since their children were abusing your young baby.. that is totally unacceptable.
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