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You Asked: For Love or Money?

Dear Sugar,

Currently I have two men who are after me. I have always been a pessimist about marriage since my parents divorced when I was a teenager. I am currently in a relationship with someone who is adorable, so romantic, sweet, caring and has a good job/career. The other man that is courting me is a good male friend who is about 20 years older than me. He is a billionaire, and even though we are not dating, he has asked me to marry him on numerous occasions. (Before you lay into me, I know why he wants to marry me and he knows the reason I would marry him.) He is a very nice guy and even though I am not currently in love with him, I feel that over time, I truly think I could.

My question to you is this: Do I marry for love (which according to most married people I speak to, they say it dwindles) or do I marry for money and learn to love him in the romantic sense? — Gold Digging Gretta

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Gold Digging Gretta,

I have to say here, I am confused. You say you're currently dating a romantic, sweet and caring man who has a good career, so what's the problem? Thousands of women would kill for a guy with those qualities! Sure, money can give you financial security, but since you don't have any romantic feelings for him now, what makes you think you could grow to love him later down the road? As cliché as this may sound, money does not buy you love.

Although you didn't grow up with a good example of how wonderful relationships can be, not all marriages are dysfunctional. It sounds to me like you simply haven't found the right man if you have to ask me this question in the first place. If you choose to go with the older man, you will end up feeling like you're living a lie since you'd simply be with him for his money. Although you might be able to have everything material, you're going to end up feeling empty inside. With that said, if there's something missing in your current relationship, I wouldn't necessarily stay with him either.

At the end of the day, you want to wake up next to someone you love and respect, but more important, you want to love and respect yourself and the choices you make for your future. If I were you, I'd put both these men behind you and wait for someone that has the entire package. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
KathleenxCouture KathleenxCouture 9 years
Girl PLEASE! You are obviously selfish and ignorant, dont take that too personally but it's true, just by this situation i can tell that about you. If you are TRUELY considering this than the sweet guy deserves much better, like what other posters have said, let him loose so that he can get a girl who deserves him. If you truely loved this man there would be no considering marrying for money at all. What i'd like to know is why exactly you put yourself in a position for this billionaire guy to be asking you to marry him. If he was a decent guy and knew you were in a committed and loving relationship he would have never bothered. You obviously don't seem to care whether or not you marry for money or for love so choose money and continue a selfish miserable life. Just remember, Money doesn't buy happiness and people who are miserable are scientifically proven to live shorter lives than those who are happy
nikodarling nikodarling 9 years
Neither. You obviously don't Love either of them. You obviously aren't that concerned with them or their feelings. Cut that great guy loose so he can get a woman who appreciates him as you certainly don't. If you did you wouldn't even be asking this, you wouldn't even be in this position. On second thought - marry for money because you are obviously shallow and you will get exactly what you deserve if you do.
Schaianne Schaianne 9 years
Love does NOT dwindle. It grows. It changes. It is not always the ON FIRE type of love .... it strengthens and mellows and runs deep. Marrying for money is only a different type of prostitution, in my opinion. (Sorry if that offends anyone.)
laimar laimar 9 years
I have some friends who have a ton of money. The guy makes it--the girl spends it. The worse their marriage gets, the more she spends...and it has completely changed her into someone I'd rather not be friends with anymore, not to mention how miserable she is in her marriage. I say marry for love, then figure out a way to make more money!
mlen mlen 9 years
looseseal summed it all up first lol marry for money and leave to good guy for the rest of us! honestly- lets face it- you don't love the nice guy or this wouldn't be a question! you just want people to tell you its ok to be a gold digger cause once you marry the rich guy, that is what people are gonna call you anyways. so you want to feel justified. i don't think there is anything wrong with marrying for money if you both are going into the marriage with eyes open- as in he knows you are marrying him for his money and you know that you are his whatever- trophy wife, whatever it is you are to him. my main problem is you stringing along this sweet nice other guy that you are dating. set him free to find a nice girl! he deserves better!
tlsgirl tlsgirl 9 years
If you're asking, is the not-billionaire all that important to you? Honestly, do whatever you want. I don't see anything wrong with marrying for money if you're both honest about it and you'd have a companionable relationship. If it helps, my trusts & estates professor actually told us one day that "gold digging used to be a perfectly respectable practice." Hee hee.
Ericka Ericka 9 years
The fact that you are asking this question makes me think you really don't love the "sweet guy". Is it possible you are just thinking the sweet guy is everything you are supposed to want in a man you marry and that you SHOULD love him. If you marry for money there is often a prenup and the marriages tend to last a limited number of years with the marriage breaking up and you leaving with a nice "severance" package. I know that sounds harsh but I can see the appeal of knowing there's a possibility you will never have to worry financially again if you play your cards right and manage your money correctly. You wouldn't be marrying him strictly for money either since you are friends. It would be something you'd both be getting something out of and as long as you are satisfied that money may be all you leave with then go for it.
rosey_y rosey_y 9 years
If the nice guy has a good job, then you'd be financially stable anyway. It's not like you'd be living on the streets. However, I can easily see how a billionaire might seem like a good idea to someone who's never known real love. After dabbling in rich older guys I decided to get a Masters degree in Commerce so that I could make my own money, and thus be able to elimate "rich" from my preresiquites for a mate. It's working out great - I get financial stability AND to be with the guy I truly love and who makes me very, very happy despite him not making an astronomical salary. I also have the knowledge that I'm the one in control of my own finances, and my own life. I won't ever get shafted by a pre-nup, and I'll never be controlled by a man who's paying my bills. Also, a lot of my clients and associates are the very wealthy men you speak of, and let me tell you, the VAST majority are absolute dogs to their significant others. The stories I could tell you would make your hair curl. Sure they're generally very pleasant to their wives' faces and keep them in designer goods, but they also think they have the absolute right to seek satisfaction from whomever else they please. And in a way, they DO have this right. At the end of the day none of us can tell you what you should do. Do what you think is best for YOU, but don't be under any illusions about what you're getting yourself into either way.
Not all marriages end in divorce, some people do have the patience to work as hard as necasary to make them work. For you, however, either way, you'll end up divorced. Why don't you just ask the rich guy for your half of everything, and then ask the Court Clerk if you she'll just give you a divorce. No need for someone like you to even try to make a marriage work, you should give up before you start, and save all 3 of you time.
frimpled frimpled 9 years
If you're even WONDERING whether or not to marry the nice, sweet, caring guy, then marry for money! Let the nice sweet guy find someone better who will marry him for love. Go for the money. Just hope he's not too controlling or crazy. P.S... don't you have a job? I wouldn't want to be in a position where I'd need a man to buy me the stuff that I'd want... it's way more satisfying when you're buying your own stuff! And you don't have to rely on your "allowance" from your husband... gross...
becky17 becky17 9 years
i think that if you really only care about the money, because from what it sounds like, that is true.then you go with the richer guy because obviously, atm, thats what u need in life. and if u really do need the money then u will learn to love him...
Random2 Random2 9 years
I think this is a fairly tough choice. With the money, she's set for life. On the other hand, she's got a great 'normal' guy who she (I'm assuming) loves. It'll be a gamble either way, and saying that marrying for love will give you a stable relationship is kinda false. We live in a world of a near 50% divorce rate, and for many couples, love alone doesn't last. I'm pretty temped to say go for the rich guy who you're friends with. Shallow, I know, but who here honestly wouldn't have a tough time with this question?
Esix Esix 9 years
Is this an actual post, or is this just made up? :/
facin8me facin8me 9 years
ha @ infernalmari.
mnp mnp 9 years
I have a friend who is with a man because of money. Blah. I'm no longer her friend now because after a while, people like that value money over real and meaningful relationships and it also applies to friends. i.e. It's always about which girl has the newest Moncler jacket or the biggest/priciest gifts from their bfs.
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
I don't think you really love your current boyfriend if this is even an option for you. I hate to say it, but anyone who's ever really been in love would not choose money over love. Leave both of them behind and fall in love for real. (and hopefully by that time you will deserve the love you get in return.)
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
:highfive: Looseseal! Totally agree. Marry for money. Leave the good man for a woman who appreciates what he has to offer.
siddman siddman 9 years
Love doesn't pay bills!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
He is a very nice guy and even though I am not currently in love with him,I feel that over time, I truly think I could.
Sure, dear. Keep on telling yourself that. There is a problem when we start to lie to ourselves. You want to martyr yourself for money, fine, if that's what you need to tell yourself to sleep at night, by all means. You obviously don't believe that you deserve to be loved so why should anyone worth a damn waste his time?
Beauty Beauty 9 years
I like what aujah said: Make your own money!
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
If you can stand it, marry for money...I hate being broke. But I love being broke with someone I love. I just couldn't imagine rolling over in bed every morning and looking at someone over and over that I didn't love. It would make my skin crawl to have him touch me. That's just me though. If you can deal with it, go ahead. I think anyone that marries just for money is pretty heartless so I'm sure it wouldn't really bother you. BUT if I'm wrong and you aren't heartless(which I hope is the situation) you will always wonder if you made the wrong choice if you choose money. Good luck either way!
designergirl designergirl 9 years
It's not like you can't go make money yourself. You can't expect your husband to give you everything you want.
WhatTheFrockBlog WhatTheFrockBlog 9 years
I agree, you shouldn't marry either one. if you really loved the sweet guy, you wouldn't be looking elsewhere. Poor "sweet guy." He probably has no idea that you're a golddigger. And not to be harsh, but in my opinion, marrying for money makes you no more than a prostitute.
Marci Marci 9 years
The old saying goes: The first marriage is for love, the second marriage is for money. I don't think you should marry either of these men. If you really loved either of them, you wouldn't be considering the other as a potential husband.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
Wow My advice, go ahead and marry for money, because if there is a nice guy out there who wants to marry you than please release him, so that in the future he can find someone who isn’t morally bankrupt.
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