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You Asked: To Move or Not to Move?

Dear Sugar —

I have a huge decision to make. I can make all my dreams come true and move to Hawaii in February, or I can stay in my comfort zone and always wonder "what if?" I have a couple of friends there who are willing to let me stay with them until I get my feet on the ground, but I'm scared to death to move! I have a very stable, well-paying job in New York City and I have all my friends and family here, which includes my seven brothers and sisters. So should I risk everything to take a chance and move? I have this sinking feeling that I'm just going to move back to NYC anyways. Help! — Luau Laurie

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Luau Laurie —

You say it would be a dream come true to move, so I say go for it! Of course, picking up your life and moving it to a new place is scary, but I agree with you — there's nothing worse than always asking yourself "what if" if you decide not to go. It sounds like you have friends in Hawaii, so you wouldn't be lonely, and Laurie, what could be better than living in paradise?! If I were you, I'd write out a pros and cons list, weigh your options, and go for it!

The thing about moving away from all of your friends and family is that they're all going to be there when you come back. NYC isn't going anywhere either. If you have a sneaking suspicion that you're just going to come back, give it a shot for a few months and enjoy it for what's it worth. Of course, leaving a well paying job is harder to swallow, so see if you can take a leave of absence until you're certain about Hawaii. You might also try to sublet your apartment and just pack the necessities.

Getting out of your comfort zone can be terrifying, but at the end of the day, that's what makes you grow as a person. If you decide to take the plunge and you feel like you made a mistake, you can always come back home and at least know that you tried. Good luck!


Jims_Bella Jims_Bella 9 years
I wonder if you went? I hope so! I moved from Canada to Greece - same fears but I went for love. The way I see it...I would have rather tried and failed then not tried and wondered what if the rest of my life!!! 5 years later I'm still here, we're married and expecting a baby! Good luck!
nycactres nycactres 9 years
Hi Everyone. I wrote this. I'm very excited about going but scared at the same time. I'm going though because i don't want to think what if. I need to do something exciting with life. Thanks for the advice.
mrskrismendoza mrskrismendoza 9 years
DON'T! I had to move there when I was 11 and lived there for almost five years. I hated it. It was horrible. Tons of racist people.
DeviousMuse DeviousMuse 9 years
One of my nearest and dearest friends is moving out there next month. She's from DC and the opportunity fell into her lap, and then everything seemed to fall into place. Even now, that she has a guy in her life in DC, it's not stopping her from taking this once-in-a-lifetime chance to live it up out there, even if it's only for a couple years!
cretinhop cretinhop 9 years
I have lived in New England all of my life. Two years ago my step-sister invited me to move in with her and her friends in this house they had in Hawaii. I lasted a month. I hated it. It was hot and boring. I met tons of nice people there, but everyone just partied all the time. Fortunately, I met a lovely Hawaiian two days before I moved home. He came with me an loves it here. I think everyone has this idea of Hawaii as paradise on Earth. I got island fever almost immediately. When you used to get taking car trips and stuff, it's weird driving only 20 minutes for a long car ride. If you're from the northeast, than you're probably used to unpredictable weather and seasons. Hawaii doesn't really have any other that. The temperature changed like 3 degrees each day while I was there. I always think I might try it again with Kynan, but he refuses to ever move back there. Just thought I'd share my experience with you. I've always felt like it's great for a vacation, but really to live there. My step sister is from northern NH and she adores it though...
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
You only live once! You can always come back. =)
LolaKat LolaKat 9 years
From someone who also moved across the country (to Alaska) I will advise you to really think everything through. I love my new state, but I had to leave an awesome job that I still miss to this day, friends and family I still miss every day -- to be honest I don't know if going back I would have made the same decision. Like Hawaii, Alaska isn't a place you can just hop on a plane and go home for a short visit. It's expensive to fly back and forth and it's a very long journey. Just really REALLY think about what you need to make you happy and be honest about why you want to move. Do it if you just want to, but don't do it because of promises you've made or because you don't want to talk big without following up on it.
LovelyLady8 LovelyLady8 9 years
courtneyh courtneyh 9 years
I'm moving to Hawaii in january. Let me know if you end up going! We could be popsugar friends and share our expirience together, ha!
SaRaH-22 SaRaH-22 9 years
You gotta do it! You dont really have anything holding you back now, you dont have kids to worry about (atleast none that you mentioned in the post) If you dont do it now something down the road will stop you and you will always wonder What If! Worse move back home!
pinkbubbles pinkbubbles 9 years
I say do it! Maybe it is just me, but I would definitely (!!!) move. You can always move back, get a new job and be with your family and friends. But if you don't even try you are going to regret it and think what if ... and even if things don't work out, you are going to feel good because you tried and you have a new interesting experience. :)
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
you only live're life wont shatter if you have to move back home. aloha!
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
My sister just did the same thing.... except she took a big chance and moved with her husband to Puerto Rico, they did not even have jobs, just the opportunity came and they grabbed it by the horns. It took them 4 months to get stabilized but they are so happy now.... and now I got a place to visit. So my answer is if it is the place of your dreams go for it. Don't live a life of what if.
Sweet-Tea Sweet-Tea 9 years
If you have visited there and REALLY planned it out--I would go for it. I would really delve deep into what your motivation is--is it to escape your life in NY, try something new, Hawaii is really your dream, etc. If you go there with completely open eyes--then I think it's an incredible opportunity and experience. If you can do a leave of absence sort of thing from your job as suggested by other posters--it would be a good safety net for the jump. My 2 cents: Vacationing there and living there are two totally different animals. I have 6 (mostly sane) friends who at some point have chucked it all (great jobs, good lives) to move there and the longest any of them stayed was 8 mos. because it was an untenable lifestyle for them (i.e. too costly, not what they expected, job prospects/growth were limited, etc.) None of them regret it except that all of them have said that they wish they hadn't gotten rid of everything (appt/furniture/car/savings) to pursue it.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
Go for it. If you have the opporutnity to fulfill a dream that you have had there is no reason not to do it. NYC is also very expensive but you have learned to live there and once your settled you can always have your family come for a visit. I moved to NYC on a whim and it was the best thing I ever did; I became more self-reliant and better able to cope with stress etc.
Brooklynbee Brooklynbee 9 years
Do it! BUT here's my one piece of advice (this next part is really specific to NYC). If you rent your apartment, especially if it's rent stabilized, see if you can keep your name on the lease and sublet (if you live in a condo or co-op, also see if you can sublet). I'm from NY and I moved away once and moved back a few years later. Moving back to NY was the right thing to do, but I took a huge financial hit - I had given up my rent-stabilized apartment when I had moved away, thinking I'd never move back. In the end everything worked out though. :)
FB1977 FB1977 9 years
DO IT! :-) I did and I loved every minute of it. :-) I'm from Chicago, but moved to Hawaii in March of 2005. My boyfriend who's in the Army was stationed there, and asked me to move. I lived there for almost 2 years, and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. I ended up getting a government contracting job, which turned out to be a dream job for me. I did eventually have to leave since my boyfriend's time was up there, and I couldn't live by myself on the salary I made. Hawaii IS very expensive, and I can see that being the main reason why some move back. However, if I could, I would move back to Hawaii in a heartbeat. Please feel free to PM me for more info, advice, etc. I lived on O'ahu, in a suburb of Honolulu. I do highly recommend searching for jobs now, and sending out your resume to every place you can. Again, I'd love to help so please message me. :-)
Khameleon Khameleon 9 years
Plan it out: start looking for jobs now from can use your friends' address as a contact point so it looks like you are serious about getting a job out there or already there and looking. Hopefully you'll line up some interviews. If not, still take an extended vacation/unpaid leave and investigate your possible work opportunities while over there. Is the line of work you're in readily available in Hawaii? Are you willing to change career fields? You WILL suffer from culture shock after leaving NYC and get homesick for your large family. But, good thing you'll already have friends out there. Maybe they can help line something up for you? With that said, it's a great idea to have such a nice and major change from NYC. Even if you go back, you'll appreciate such a beautiful time away. All the best!
Marci Marci 9 years
Always go for your dreams if they're within reach. You can always come back to New York if you want to, but at least then you've done what you always wanted to do - something most people never do.
SummerBaby SummerBaby 9 years
GO GO GO GO!! :) if you dont like if.. well you can always move back! but you dont always wanna be thinking what if... GO!!!! :)
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
Hawaii is the 4th most expensive state to live in, I have had friends who have moved there and couldnt deal with the cost of living, and moved back. First and foremost research it, dont go by what your friends say only because they might have different jobs, expenses, etc, and they want you to move.
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
This is a hard one to answer with so little info. Info like why is Hawaii your dream? Its very expensive will you be able to get a good enough job? I'd be hesitant if I had to stay with friends for an indefinite amount of time. Hawaii also is verrrry different from NY have you been there before? I suggest taking a long no frills vacation in Hawaii first and really get a feel of if you'd like to move there. It doesn't sound like you've really thought this through by the limited info. Good Luck!
SeaFoamGreen215 SeaFoamGreen215 9 years
I completely agre. You said you migh move back to NY, so why not make it a once in a lifetime opportunity. Not everyone has the chance to move to hawaii. If you change your mind, your family will be there.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Seems pretty clear cut to me that you should go. I know it's hard to move but once you make the decision everything will fall into place. And if you move back to NY in a couple years then so what? You had an awesome time in Hawaii and you end up near your friends and family. It's a win win.
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