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You Asked: Should I Move With My Boyfriend?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of six months just told me that he got a great job opportunity that would be moving him to Saint Louis, but not until September. He asked me to go with him, I said yes, but my parents think I'm making the wrong decision. I love my boyfriend so much and I don't see my life without him. So in my eyes, there was no question that I'd go with him. The only problem is I really don't want to disappoint my parents. What should I do?

—Packing Up Patsy

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Packing Up Patsy,

This is your relationship so while I'm sure your parents approval means a lot to you, the choice to move is ultimately your decision. I have a feeling your parents are wary because you've only been together six months, but by the time September comes, you will have been together for over a year, which should be more than enough time to know that you aren't making a rash decision. I don't blame you for wanting to follow your boyfriend so my only advice to you is to trust your instincts and have the confidence to make an adult decision. Holding yourself back only to please your parents isn't going to do anyone any good so hopefully once moving day rolls around, your parents will be happy for you. Good luck.

pixelsugar pixelsugar 9 years
I think TidalWave has it right. If you are set on moving, get your own place and make your own friends. Maybe your parents would feel better about it if you guys weren't living together? Good luck!
onesong onesong 9 years
um, yeah. no way should you go sister. the only time you uproot your life for someone else is when you guys have made a committment to be a team for life (be that marriage or whathaveyou). let him go and try the long distance thing for a while. if in another six months, you're still feeling the same way....well then, go ahead!
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
I chose to go to college undergrad with my boyfriend, and it was great, we both loved the school and our friends. My family didn't want me to go to school with him. Then we chose to move across the country together for grad school. I hate my school, I dropped out, and now our relationship is on the rocks. I'm moving back home in a week...and pretty much coming crying back to my family even though they told me not to move with him. Sometimes we don't know if these things will work out, when they do it's great, when they don't it can be devastating! If you follow your gut and do move with him, make sure you have a job or are attending school, have something that you are moving for too!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
Don't just drop everything to live/move with him, this is your life too. You cannot move there just for him.
looseseal looseseal 9 years
A lot of parents get really attached. They want their kids to stay close even when they're adults. I think part of their apprehension comes from the fear that after you leave they won't be as close to you as they'd like. My mom had some separation anxiety, too, when I left home alone to go work in a strange new town. The next time I saw her I was a lot more mature, I was happy, and she's so happy about that she brags to her friends about how she's not like those other moms who are so clingy and she "let" me go. Heehee. I think it's important to make sure it's not ALL about your boyfriend. Yes, he's a big part of your reason for moving, but make sure there are things besides your boyfriend that you like about your future home. That you're making a new life for yourself as well as together with your boyfriend. If you can do that, it might help your parents to see this as YOU making a decision as an independent adult (which should make them proud) instead of some kind of child going from depending on them to depending on some guy (which is something that would cause anxiety in parents). Also, make an effort to assure your parents that you'll keep in contact with them (that way they don't feel like they're being abandoned in their old age, haha). Phone rates get cheaper all the time and there's also emails and webcams if they're down with the interwebs. Best of luck to you!
ccsugar ccsugar 9 years
Go. You're a big girl!! If it's a mistake, it will only make you stronger in the end. I'm sure you're parents would be proud of you for making a grown up decision.
Seeing how my parents knew each other 5 months before getting married (still together after 27 years!), I don't think there is any such thing as too sudden. Make the decision for yourself, and see where it takes you. I know how hard it can be to live your own life the way you want to, when you are constantly receiving input from family. Do it for you, because you'll be the one holding the regrets, not them!
jmeyer jmeyer 9 years
I think it is important to consider your parents advice (as usually parents have experienced a lot more than their children), however this is your relationship & you have to do what is right for you. You said that you can not imagine your life without your boyfriend, so I think you have to go to St. Louis with him. If you don't go, simply to please your parents, I have no doubt that you will always regret not taking this chance.
mlen mlen 9 years
well i'd keep living life normally til it gets a bit closer- say july. and if by july you are still going strong and want to move with him then i'd do some serious research about it- such as jobs, will you live with him or get your own place, etc. at that time present your info to your parents. right now they are probably thinking after 6 months you are just rushing into things. but when its almost a year together and you show them how serious you are- they will probably be more understanding
lemassabielle lemassabielle 9 years
It might not work out but it's worth a shot. We only get one life to live and shouldn't live by regrets and others approval. So, your parents opinion is important and should be taken into consideration but it's your life and the decision you have to make. It's months away so maybe they'll have time to swallow the idea.
onion-waffle onion-waffle 9 years
I moved away from my home, my parents, and my friends to a whole new place for college. Even in a college environment, it was hard! So, expect it to be rough for a few months at least, if you do move. Also, I do agree with everyone that you should live your own life, not your parents'. But, I do want to throw out there, don't live your boyfriend's life, either. It can be so hard when you realize you have just changed your whole life for someone, and they haven't had to sacrifice much. Ask yourself what your beau has done for you, too. Do his actions merit you making this huge change in your life? Based on my near disaster of moving to NYC with a guy I'd been with for a year, I couldn't bear to see any other lovely girl go through the same thing. So, to drive the point home, live YOUR life. And even if you do make a mistake, mistakes can be fixed, and you come out so much wiser and stronger in the end! Best of luck to you.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
Girl! Do what YOU think it right for YOU! Even if it all falls and learn from your experiance! And hey, I moved out with my boyfriend after 6 months of dating being only 20 AND my parents didn't think it was a smart move either. And now, it's 6 months later and I cannto lie - I love it!
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 9 years
Korsgal Korsgal 9 years
It's a hard choice becasue i think we try to please or parents a lot of the time. But you have to decide what is going to make you the happiest and it sounds like moving with your boyfriend is what makes you happy. So I say, Go for it!
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
You've known this guy for 6 months and your willing to leave everything behind and move away with him? I think your making a big mistake. You two haven't been together that long to make such a drastic change. Don't you have anything going on in your own life are you going to drop your own life plans for some guy?
Random2 Random2 9 years
That's a tough decision to make, but it is ultimately yours to make. You're going to have to sit down and really think about what you want, not what your parents or boyfriend want, and talk to you boyfriend and your parents about it.
michelleannette michelleannette 9 years
i don't see why you have to make this decision now. you have almost a year until the move. you may feel like you want to go now, but what if something changes? six months is not that long and there are still volumes of information you can learn about your boyfriend. just keep loving him and make a point to bring him around your parents more..that way when september rolls around they will be more supportive if you still choose to go with him.
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
I moved 800 miles away from my home (no one else in my family lives farther than 20 miles from each other) to go to college and, honestly, to live with my boyfriend. I was 18 and it just felt right to me. Everyone told me I was going to fail. No one approved. My parents refused to financially assist me in anyway but I knew that I was unhappy where I was and I just felt that the move was "right". I don't know any other way to put it. So I moved. And I loved the school and I loved my SO! We dated for four years then grew out of love and broke up. A year later I moved out of the state but I do not at all regret the experience! I was able to prove my entire family wrong because I moved and I was successful! I graduated and did not end up pregnant (as they all thought) and was happy the entire time! However, I lost my entire family support and even now things are a bit estranged - mainly because I did not stay in our home area like everyone else. It will be hard. Especially if you don't have family support. But if it feels right to you, then go for it. My situation worked out, mainly, because I moved out to go to school as well. So I was able to have my own friends and my own life, and was not so dependent on my boyfriend.
alliecatlee alliecatlee 9 years
Oh I strongly urge you to follow your instincts and if those instincts take you to St. Louis, embrace this opportunity!! Trust me, it'll take you much longer to get through the jumble of moving back home if by chance something does go wrong than to get over the regret of wishing you had taken the chance. Break the news kindly, yet firmly, to your parents and eventually they will come around.
7kimba7 7kimba7 9 years
It's only 6 months, so I probably wouldn't go. I wish I knew how far St Louis was from you. I'd recommend trying to keep it long distance for a while and see how it goes.
gooniette gooniette 9 years
Live for yourself, not your parents.
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
"Your parents will always be there for you when needed. That's what parents are for." -- Unfortunately qtpie, this is not the case for everyone. I would not assume this.
1QTPIE 1QTPIE 9 years
As long as your old enough...Live your life. Take a risk and move. You can always move back if things don't work out. Your parents will always be there for you when needed. That's what parents are for.
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
Move to saint louis, but do not move in with him. Find your own place, make your own friends, get your own job and make your own life. I know first hand that being in a new place where the only person you know is you SO can feel pretty lonely sometimes.
stefsprl stefsprl 9 years
If you don't go, you'll always wonder if you made the right decision. There's no law that says if you move and hate it, you can't move back. I moved from Indiana to Virginia to be with my then-boyfriend (now husband), and it was great because it let us develop our relationship without the influence of our parents. It really helped us bond as a couple. Of course, every situation is different, but I think there's the possibility of you always regretting it if you don't take the risk.
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