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You Asked: Should We Un-Invite Them to Our Wedding?

Dear Sugar,

I got engaged last November, and our wedding is set for Oct. 18. Last March, my fiancé's company was bought out by a corporation and in early April, the entire office was shut down unexpectedly. He was out of work until July when he was hired by a small independent technology company (and by small, I mean a total of seven employees). He was having a great time for the first few months; he really enjoyed his new boss, co-workers and responsibilities. During that time, we were writing out our wedding guest list and to be friendly, we invited his new co-workers and their significant others. A few months later, he became really unhappy with the company as a whole and is at the point now where he's going to apply elsewhere. If he finds something, he may quit before the wedding. So my question is this: if he does quit before the wedding, how do we handle his current co-workers that have RSVP'd yes? Do we un-invite them? Do we tell them that we still want them there but we understand if they change their minds? I have no idea how to handle this, so any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. — About to Wed Wendy

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear About to Wed Wendy,

Since you've already sent the invitations and some of the guests have already RSVP'd, I'd have to say that the right thing to do is nothing at all. There is still a big question mark around whether or not your fiancé will still be working at his current company come October, so worrying about the unknown will just add unnecessary stress to your wedding planning. If your fiancé does in fact get another job before the big day, it's not to say that his former co-workers wouldn't want to celebrate with you — just because they won't be working together anymore doesn't mean they can't be friends.

If inviting these seven guests really stretched your budget, and if they were just courtesy invites, do what you need to do, even if it means uninviting them. But Wendy, if you decide to go that route, understand that there may be some ill will toward you both. You don't want to burn any professional bridges — the technology industry can be a small world. Since these guests were taken into consideration in your original wedding count, I'd leave well enough alone if I were you. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
batgirl251 batgirl251 8 years
Don't uninvite them. The co-workers and your husband probably like each other. They probably talk about other things than work, so they're almost like friends. Just because you don't work with a person anymore doesn't mean that you can't still be friends. Good luck!
morganfay morganfay 8 years
It rather depends on the reasons your fiance quit, correct? If he has unsurpassable personal problems with those co-workers, and finds that allowing them to attend the wedding would distract him from a happy day, then uninvite. If it's merely a question of not working with them anymore, leave it be. You said they got along really well, so what does it matter they're potentially not working together anymore?
breakingheartsx3 breakingheartsx3 8 years
Yeah just don't do anything. If they feel uncomfortable then they probably just won't even show up.
kia kia 8 years
You only uninvite if it is something drastic like domestic violence or other unforgivable abuses. I hope those that have not sent out invites yet take heed and really consider their guests list so that they don't end up in this situation.
Jyramiah Jyramiah 8 years
Hire some bouncers and check people. Huzzah!
geebers geebers 8 years
I agree with everyone else! Do NOT uninvite them. That is beyond rude and you will destroy any chance your husband has of references.
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
lol I have a question... how the heck would you plan on going about "un-inviting" people???? especially people who haven't done anything wrong or insulting that warrants being un-invited??? Just wondering...
theCatsPajamas theCatsPajamas 8 years
OMG you CAN'T UNIVITE them! emily post is rolling ... if your fiance does end up making a change and there are bad feelings, having everyone at the wedding might be a nice way to erase some of the animosity. also, they probably won't rescind their RSVP if he leaves the company. you should plan on them coming and take the opportunity to show off your maturity and good manners when you see them in receiving line. and on the dance floor. make a show of good faith that although things didn't work out professionally, you both still respect his former colleagues and are glad they're there to share in your happiness.
designerel designerel 8 years
You can't uninvite them. I'm not sure the reasons for your fiance leaving the company, but I assume he is unhappy with the way the COMPANY is handling things and not the coworkers. If that is the case, why uninvite the coworkers? Hell they might be unhappy with the company as well.
suziryder suziryder 8 years
I agree with everyone here. It's too late to uninvite them. If there's bad blood between the guests and your fiance at the time of the wedding, they probably won't come anyway. If your fiance hasn't quit yet, then you're making a big deal out of nothing and potentially making things worse for him at work. What if you uninvite them and he ends up staying there? It would be awwwwkward. Relax, do nothing, it will all be fine. Everyone's adults here, right? And if they do show up, it'll be such a busy day that you'll hardly have the time to talk to them anyway!
vmruby vmruby 8 years
It's too late..... You already invited them and they've sent in their responses. Unless you feel they are going to cause a huge brawl and ruin your wedding day then I think it would be extremely petty and tasteless to uninvite them.
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
You should never un-invite someone to anything. That is extremely tacky and rude. And it doesn't seem like a very good reason to exclude them anyway...did you just invite them b/c they were acquaintances? I mean if you have no reason to want to un-invite them other than the fact that your husband won't work with them anymore, that seems pretty silly. Just b/c he wanted another job doesn't mean you can't be friendly to someone, if just seems like the two things aren't related at all?...
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
i agree - and i also think that if he leaves, then they won't come anyway - if there's anything less than 'good blood' between them - so you shouldn't really stress about it. i'm planning my wedding now too and it's hard to really decide that far in advance who you want to invite when you don't know what the situation is going to be all those months later
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
This isn't even an issue. Leave it alone. Worry about other things then making this a big deal, when it's not.
nancita nancita 8 years
Wow that is definitely a tough situation but I think Dear has the right idea.
amybdk amybdk 8 years
Leave it be.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
if your husband is chatting with them casually before he leaves (if he does) he can always say "you know, it would still be great to stay in touch, and wendy and i would still be pleased to have you share our day with us. of course, if you feel this would be in any way a conflict of interest, we completely understand, but would love to see you there!" but otherwise, say nothing! if they dont' want to come, they won't!
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
unless something really crazy happens that you absolutely don't want certain people to be at your wedding i would never uninvite someone. I would do nothing unless your husband leaves the company before the wedding in which case he should leave on good terms with the people working there since it such a small office. he may need to count on them for recommendations or whatever, and also you felt the need to invite them to your wedding because you wanted them to be there. if your husband leaves his job he should tell them "i completely understand if you don't want to go, however, i would still like for you to be present. just because i am no longer working there doesn't mean i don't value the friendship etc.." and leave it up to them to decide whether or not to come. it would be in bad taste to uninvite someone for that reason.
bluestar bluestar 8 years
You can't UNinvite people...tacky!
LoveSarah LoveSarah 8 years
Leave it be. If he does quit, they may not even show up. But uninviting some one seems petty and childish. Like some one else said, you probably wont even know they are there.
cubadog cubadog 8 years
I agree with everyone. You cannot uninvite guests - very rude and tacky. Every industry is small and word travels fast. Let it go.
julieulie julieulie 8 years
You should never uninvite a guest -- honestly, it is beyond inconsiderate. If they are offended by the fact that your husband quits, they will decline the option to attend the wedding. But revoking their invitation is not an option.
sonya-ina sonya-ina 8 years
Leave it up to them. If by chance your husband leaves the company before the wedding, they can then make the decision on whether or not they wan to attend. At this point, it's so late in the game, it would be EXTREMELY uncouth to un-invite them.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 8 years
Keep them on the list...they already RSVP. It'll be totally rude on your part.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
He will still need great references... what are you out? a couple dollars for a few dinners and you'll get a present anyway. Don't be petty. Concentrate on the union and not the wedding.
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