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You Asked: Why Am I Looking Back?

Dear Sugar,

I'm 21 and about to graduate college, unsure of what's next. I've been planning to move to New York to find a job in publishing (like every other English major), and my boyfriend (who graduated last year, who I've been dating for about 14 months) is looking for an apartment there as well, though we are not planning on living together.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my old high school boyfriend — the one I dumped on a whim right before leaving for college. I spoke to him briefly about six months ago and I really missed him, except I don't know whether I miss him or the idea of him. I know this sounds crazy, but should I try getting back in touch with him? Is it worth pursuing, or am I so brainwashed by romantic comedies that I'm ignoring reality? This isn't the first time I've missed him, but I'm confused how my feelings play into my current relationship. Is this a sign that things aren't working out? My boyfriend is sweet and so loving, and we have a lot of fun together, but we've also been fighting a lot, and I can't get my ex out of my head. — Old Love Lilly

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Old Love Lilly,

Graduating from college and making your first step into the adult world can be very overwhelming, and it's not uncommon for people to hold onto their pasts for security. Sure, romantic comediess make reuniting with an old love seem like the perfect fairytale ending, but sometimes that's not very realistic. If you can't get this guy out of your head, I say reach out to him. Find out if it's the thought of him that's making you doubt your future or if there's really something there, but realize this could end up hurting your current relationship.

The fact that you're fighting with your boyfriend shouldn't make you run — remember a little fighting is perfectly normal. Put your situation in context — you're moving, you're graduating from college, and you're trying to start your career. Those are three major life changing events, so it's no wonder you're a little unsettled. Try not to read too far into things right now but at the same time, listen to your instincts. I wish you luck.


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