Barack Obama is about to embark on his eighth and final year [1] as president of the United States, but the commander in chief could easily transition into a role as a comedic movie actor or stand-up star if he really wanted to. In his latest interview with GQ — he graces the cover as 2015's man of the year [2] — the 54-year-old shows off his signature laid-back, cool-headed charisma while answering questions from sports columnist Bill Simmons about his presidency, his TV habits, and being the dad of two teenage girls. Read the president's funniest, most self-aware quotes below, then see the weird gifts he was presented by celebrities in this GQ video [3].

• If he could go back to 2008 and tell himself one thing: "You're going to be busy."
• On his temperament: "I don't get too high and I don't get too low. I'm able to stay focused even when there's a lot of stuff going on around me."
• On whose phone call he would take during a date night with Michelle: "Malia and Sasha. [laughs] And maybe my mother-in-law. My national security adviser, Susan Rice, and Denis McDonough, my chief of staff. Those are the only people whose call I would take during a date night with Michelle."
• On technology and his daughters' phone habits: "It's so interesting watching my daughters. Both are complete ninjas on the phone, right? And they can do things that I don't even understand — they're doing it in two seconds. But I even see a difference between Malia, who's 17, and Sasha, who's 14. There's almost a mini-generational gap in terms of Sasha being so connected seamlessly to this smartphone in a way that Malia, who was already a little bit older when it really started to take, is not."
• On the most entertaining conspiracy theory he's heard about himself: "That military exercises we were doing in Texas [4] were designed to begin martial law so that I could usurp the Constitution and stay in power longer. Anybody who thinks I could get away with telling Michelle I'm going to be president any longer than eight years does not know my wife."
• On top-secret files: "I gotta tell you, it's a little disappointing. People always ask me about Roswell and the aliens and UFOs, and it turns out the stuff going on that's top secret isn't nearly as exciting as you expect."
• Has anyone ever come to the White House to pick up Malia for a date?: "No, but I've seen some folks glancing at her in ways that made me not happy."
• On Game of Thrones and not being able to remember the characters' names: "The only one I remember is Jon Snow, because I can pronounce Jon Snow."
• On running for president against Donald Trump [5]: "I would've enjoyed campaigning against Trump. That would've been fun."