Are you crying bloody tears over the demise of American Horror Story's second season? OK, that's a gross reference, but I'm trying to make up for the lack of disgusting stuff we experience on this week's big finale. However, what the episode lacks in gore, it makes up for tenfold in emotionally charged moments. We get closure on all the main characters — well, as much closure as a possible alien abduction can provide — and someone gets a bullet to the head.
The finale is a bit of a mixed bag for me, but I do love that the writers focus on Lana in modern day, recounting her story in preparation to receive her Kennedy Center Honors. She goes down memory lane, and we get to hear about what happens to all our favorite players. To find out their fates — and whether Lana survives Johnny Morgan's wrath — just read more..
- Lana shoots Johnny Morgan. Boom! Johnny goes down, played like a fiddle by his own mother. Clearly she picks an opportune time to confess her big lie and tell America that her son is still alive, but I thought it was just a happy coincidence. Shows how much I know. Lana had gotten tipped off by the cops about Johnny and appeals to his emotional side, just convincingly enough to turn him into a puddle of mush, and I'm not just talking about his brains. She flips the gun on him and pulls the trigger. He's a horrific, skin-stealing murderer, so why do I feel so sad?
- Johnny Morgan hacks off Leo's arm. It's the cliffhanger that's kept audiences guessing all season long (unless you're like me, and you kind of forgot about it): who cut off Leo's arm? Tonight we finally get our answer. A depressed, cracked-out Johnny Morgan machetes Leo's arm off like he's quartering a pig on Top Chef. It's crude, rude, and, in an episode full of emotional moments, totally awesome.
- Sister Jude dies. At least Lana tries to go back to rescue Sister Jude, even if she is propelled by her own selfish ambition. Her investigative reporting leads her to Kit, who tells her the whole story. He went back to get Jude, took her in, and nursed her until she was better. The weird part isn't that he forgives Jude after the hell she'd put him through; it's that his kids (the half-alien ones) connect with her on a strange level, calming her after a mysterious walk in the woods.
- Lana shuts down Briarcliff. Lana's first order of business on her path to becoming Barbara Walters is to do an intensive exposé on Briarcliff. She goes back with a camera crew, and we see the horrific wreckage of what remains of the institution after the church sells it to the state. If you thought Briarcliff couldn't get any worse than when Sister Jude was at the helm, then you're dead wrong. Lana's footage provides reason enough to shut the place down, once and for all.
- The Monsignor commits suicide. On the flashback tour of Lana's greatest journalistic hits, we learn the Monsignor (now the Cardinal) slits his wrists after Lana tracks him down and questions him relentlessly about his part in the horrors that occurred at Briarcliff. It's surprising, but in a weird way, it's also really anticlimactic. I would have liked to see the scene in which he decides to off himself, not just the part after he's already done it.
- Kit gets abducted. Even though Kit's ending is left somewhat ambiguous, it still feels like his life is tied up pretty neatly. He gets remarried, his kids are supersmart, and then he gets pancreatic cancer and "disappears." Clearly, the world will never believe it, but we know he's been abducted. Will he live forever in the sky? Also, are his supersmart kids harvesting knowledge to bring back to their alien planet?
What did you think of the finale? Do you like the way everyone's story ended, or was it a little too tidy?