Anytime Yale and/or the particulars of who legally is in charge of Bart Bass's company are central to the plot of a Gossip Girl episode, you know things are going to get really nonsensical, really fast. This week's episode involves both, and I tried to turn my brain off and just go with the flow because nothing in the real world works the way this show wants it to! Yale giveth and taketh away admission with a text message and a phone call. A quick signature on a legal document, and boom! Power changes hands in an instant. It's hilarious, and everything I've come to expect from this show.
Anyway, Blair is back to being her evil, scheming self, and Chuck too seems to have returned to normal with his drunken ledge-walking days firmly behind him. Let's talk about it — just
- Is Eleanor on her honeymoon or something? I miss her and Cyrus. Blair's dad and partner fill in and surprise Blair with a puppy named "Handsome Dan!" Ha! Blair's all, "Um, let's stick with just handsome."
- Everyone in the Waldorf household is a little premature with the getting-into-Yale celebration. Blair is so smug, she even has to rag on the Gilmore Girls: "I am so a better fit for Yale than that Rory." She did not just go there!
- Meanwhile, Rufus and Lily are full-on sleeping over at each other's places, and it's getting really weird and icky for Dan and Serena. Eric's reaction to their PDA is the best, though: "I would say get a room, but yours is right above mine. Please try to remember that."
- Then there's Jack and Chuck. Jack's now in charge of the company and the stocks are dipping (or something) because he's still learning the ropes, or so he says. Chuck has been trying to undermine him with little pranks like sticking coke in his gym bag and sending transsexual prostitutes after him — because that's how you take control of a huge company.
- Chuck wises up and recruits Lily, who is still very hopeful Chuck will come and live with her and the kids. I love Chuck's list of ideas to get Jack out of the company that Lily discourages: "Number 26: Crash Jack in plane."
- Also, there's now a new teacher, Rachel, who Dan remarks about a billion times looks so young ("Does she have Benjamin Button syndrome?"). Har.
- This teacher starts out all wholesome and Midwest and stuff but ends up getting tangled up in Blair's whacked-out web. Blair desires to teach her after she gives Blair a "B" on a paper: "Second-semester seniors get a free pass, like pregnant ladies or 14-year-old Chinese gymnasts."
- Meanwhile, Serena gets into Yale but doesn't tell Blair for fear of her wrath (Dan: "Death by Dorota") because Blair's waitlisted. It's probably a good call because Blair's determined to ruin the person who got in instead of her ("Witch hunts are my Valium, Serena. I'm just trying to stay calm").
- Serena basically gives up Yale because she'd rather go to Brown and thinks Yale might want her for budding-socialite reasons — and immediately Yale calls Blair to let her know she is now in. Because that's how college admission works.
- Back to the teacher: The low grade gets this poor teacher on Blair's you-know-what list, which leads to a funny angel vs. devil scene on Blair's bed, followed by a lot of evil laughter.
- Blair proceeds to pull the least evil prank ever (ditching Rachel at a restaurant, really?) but still feels bad and goes to apologize ("I can't not act out against people"). It's not enough, though: Rachel gives Blair detention and then she goes to
hit onsee Dan in Brooklyn.
- And then Chuck saves Lily from Jack! Lily is so brave! Chuck is super cute when he's valiant!
So. Was Dan a total baby about Serena's college decision? Do you think Nate and Vanessa are boring or a nice little normal break from the rest of the madness? Do you like Rufus with Lily together? Are you emotionally prepared for Blair to go "black ops?"
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Photos courtesy of The CW