Man, who wasn't a jerk on "House" last night? At least the title wasn't meant just for House, as he had to take on a whiny, angry teenage patient who definitely gave House a run for his money. (If "personality disorder" is really a symptom, couldn't House have been diagnosed with every disease in the book by now?) Meanwhile, Foreman still insists he's leaving, but someone sabotages his chances by canceling a job interview. But who? Well, for that and the rest of the story,
The patient this week is Nate, a chess prodigy who wins his match and then beats up his opponent. Hmm, so I guess rage is a symptom. At the hospital, Nate tells Chase to stop asking him stupid questions and asks if he’s a med student, leading Chase to gripe that he hates Nate; House, of course, loves him. A chip off the ol' block there, eh? Nate's mom is thrilled to learn that her son's irritability might be a symptom of a disease; she just thought she was a bad mother.
Meanwhile, House gets all fake-weepy during the diagnostic sessions, suggesting this could be the last time (sob) that Foreman mistakenly suggests the wrong disease. But maybe not — turns out, his job interview has been mysteriously canceled. Of course, Foreman blames House, who denies everything (and suggests he was just getting punk'd by Ashton Kutcher). Cuddy also denies she had anything to do with it.
House attempts to treat the kid's headaches with magic mushrooms, and when he reaches his happy high, he exposes himself to Cameron. She realizes his naughty bits are undersized, and the doctors focus in on Nate’s pituitary gland. But his liver starts shutting down, so House suggests giving him the "hamburger test" — feeding him a lot of meat and seeing what happens. Nate, of course, won't deign to eat the hospital's icky burgers. Later, they order him to fast instead, and he threatens his mom and a nurse to feed him before peeing on the floor — but when the puddle turns red, the doctors realize Nate's kidneys are shot too.
Meanwhile, Cuddy makes Foreman an offer: She'll double his salary and let him head up his own diagnostic team. Wow, is Foreman really worth that? Foreman says no deal; someone there canceled his job interview, and that means he can't trust any of them. Cuddy then accuses Wilson of canceling the interview; he denies it and accuses Cameron, who accuses Chase, who reminds Cameron that it's Tuesday and he likes her.
House challenges Nate to a game of chess, and they match move for move and insult for insult ("it's a real thin line between tortured genius and awkward kid who can't get girls because he's creepy") until Nate has a seizure. House decides that Nate isn't a jerk because he's sick — he's just a jerk who happens to be sick. They cross personality disorder off the symptoms list and test him for another disease. Foreman doesn't find any signs of it, and when House asks him to test again, Foreman says he thinks the kid just has an infection. But he backs down, and House points out that he could have trusted his instincts, but he still trusts House’s judgment more than his own. Meanwhile, Chase says he knows House sabotaged Foreman's interview, and if he wants Foreman to stay, he should just talk to him.
But before he can do that, House has his aha! moment. He realizes that Nate grips chess pieces oddly because he can't bend his fingers; there's stuff in his blood building up between his bones. It's treatable, House says; he then slashes Nate's wrist with a scalpel, which seemed a little harsh.
But not as harsh as what House does to Foreman: He spots Foreman running the test House previously ordered (the one that's now unnecessary), and instead of telling him to stop, he says it looks like Foreman's going to be pulling an all-nighter. Was House trying to teach him something there — or just being, well, a jerk?
We've got a week off now before the season finale, so it's time to speculate: Will Foreman really go? My DVR cut off before the preview of the finale (if there was one), so if you saw it, tell me what you think will happen!
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