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Transformers 2 Movie Review

Transformers 2: Schlock and Awe

The truth is, no matter what I or anyone else says about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, audiences around the globe will flock to see it. I mean, duh — it's big, it's shiny, it goes boom, and it has boobs. It's just what the doctor ordered for audiences looking for some good old-fashioned Hollywood escapism just when it's getting too hot to use our brains. That's all fine and good, and to be honest, I don't blame audiences. Star Trek got this Summer off to an outstanding start, but many of the big-budget movies that followed have failed to deliver a similar thrill ride. We're thirsting for fun at the movies again!

So the question of reviewing Mr. Bay's film by normal movie standards becomes an interesting one. Is there a compelling, science-fiction plot to add some storytelling to the explosions? That would be a no. Are the characters filled out in such a way that you care about them? No, in fact, I find them incredibly annoying. Is it funny? Well, not even a robot humping Megan Fox's leg, or a lingering shot of John Turturro's crotch could get my audience full of tweens laughing much. But let's face it, there are plenty of inane, unfunny movies that are still fun to watch thanks to the special effects. And yet, despite all the hype, the action sequences in this particular movie are better described as "bludgeoning" than "awe-inspiring." So here we go, just

.

First, the plot description: Autobots are good and Decepticons are bad. Decepticons want to destroy the sun or some such and the Autobots like the humans even though some humans are jerks to them. Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox are back as Sam Witwicky and Mikaela, two lovesick kids struggling to keep their romance going long-distance as Sam attends an East Coast college.

Honestly, the college scenes are the best, most hilarious part of the movie. And I mean that half-sarcastically, half-sincerely. For one thing, he's in college for two whole days before he has to go to Egypt to save the world. In that amount of time, he manages to befriend an obnoxious and fast-talking (everyone talks so fast in this movie!) roommate, he gets entangled with every young boy's fantasy blond coed (to the dismay of Mikaela), and he has a total meltdown in his first class. Oh, and Sam's mom eats pot brownies and goes completely insane.

It's two and a half hours of merciless silliness that would be sort of "ha-ha, what is going on in this movie?!" funny if it weren't so loud and visually incoherent. I waited and waited for a slow, lingering shot of a fully formed Transformer glimmering and sparkling in the sun so we could gawk at its scale and coolness. I wanted so badly to see a Transformer come out with a newer, cooler weapon than we've ever seen before and use it in a creative and interesting way mid-battle.

Alas, Michael Bay has no time for that (he only gave himself two and a half hours), and in effect the robots are like trash heaps that roll and tumble across the screen at a rate that makes you want to pop an Advil. You know what Bay does feel the need to present in slow motion? You guessed it! Megan Fox's mega-tanned boobs, butt, and lips. I guess I wish he would have spent some time on Josh Duhamel's chest — at least that would have given me something fun to look at.

Photos courtesy of Paramount Pictures


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PinkNC PinkNC 7 years
I wasn't a fan of this one and I enjoy Shia's work. I think it was bad writing for this one.
planetkate planetkate 7 years
My boyfriend and I went to see it in IMAX...at midnight...and the PACKED theater's air conditioning was broken. Oh, the things a girl will do for her man...but I can't say he had to drag me. I was looking forward to it a little. Although the IMAX screen and enhanced audio was a little intimidating, I still enjoyed it. It isn't supposed to be deep, isn't supposed to be meaningful...it is supposed to make you shove popcorn in your face for 2.5 hours and get lost in a goofy fantasy world. It is exactly what I expected it to be, a summer-blockbuster with an improbable storyline and attractive actors/actresses. Go with those expectations and more people might enjoy themselves. I kinda wish my iPOD could transform :(
planetkate planetkate 7 years
My boyfriend and I went to see it in IMAX...at midnight...and the PACKED theater's air conditioning was broken. Oh, the things a girl will do for her man...but I can't say he had to drag me. I was looking forward to it a little. Although the IMAX screen and enhanced audio was a little intimidating, I still enjoyed it. It isn't supposed to be deep, isn't supposed to be meaningful...it is supposed to make you shove popcorn in your face for 2.5 hours and get lost in a goofy fantasy world. It is exactly what I expected it to be, a summer-blockbuster with an improbable storyline and attractive actors/actresses. Go with those expectations and more people might enjoy themselves. I kinda wish my iPOD could transform :(
Nyrina-Windu Nyrina-Windu 7 years
I saw Transformers this weekend, and I must say that I was not impressed at all. It took until the end of the movie for it to turn slightly interesting. I would not recommend seeing this. There was too much cursing in this movie, sexual content, a robot humping a human woman was NOT necessary, and the story line was not good at all. If you can buy this movie for $5 on bootleg DVD then I would suggest seeing it that way instead. I would not waste paying for the whole family to see this in the theater.
Nyrina-Windu Nyrina-Windu 7 years
I saw Transformers this weekend, and I must say that I was not impressed at all. It took until the end of the movie for it to turn slightly interesting. I would not recommend seeing this. There was too much cursing in this movie, sexual content, a robot humping a human woman was NOT necessary, and the story line was not good at all. If you can buy this movie for $5 on bootleg DVD then I would suggest seeing it that way instead. I would not waste paying for the whole family to see this in the theater.
MissyB1984 MissyB1984 7 years
This was such a HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! I truly enjoyed the first film....it had just the right mix of action, humor, amazing animation and a well rounded cast. This sequel tried waaaay too hard and failed miserably, they could have cut a whole hour of gratuitous Megan Fox slo mo shots out of this and it would have been a vast improvement. I'm also surprised I haven't seen more african americans upset about the two illiterate, gold teeth sportin ghetto'bots Michael Bay went out of his way to include in this mess of a sequel
MissyB1984 MissyB1984 7 years
This was such a HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! I truly enjoyed the first film....it had just the right mix of action, humor, amazing animation and a well rounded cast. This sequel tried waaaay too hard and failed miserably, they could have cut a whole hour of gratuitous Megan Fox slo mo shots out of this and it would have been a vast improvement. I'm also surprised I haven't seen more african americans upset about the two illiterate, gold teeth sportin ghetto'bots Michael Bay went out of his way to include in this mess of a sequel
SKC-Sparkle SKC-Sparkle 7 years
I enjoyed the movie - I laughed, cried (when a major Autobot died), and rolled my eyes when there was yet another close up of Megan Fox. However, I felt that there was almost too much action - at times things were blowing up and I couldn't even figure out what was going on. Overall, I thought it was a great movie, but would have liked to see more of Josh!
Mega111 Mega111 7 years
The Movie Was Very Good.But To Be Honest The Only Reason I Watched it Was Because Of Josh Duhamel(He's SOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOTTTT)!!!!!
fashionista0914 fashionista0914 7 years
I loved the movie to be honest, right mixture of action, comedy, suspense and just a pinch of romance. Made me teared up a little. Very fun, planning to watch it again!
delicatewine delicatewine 7 years
you review is right on the money, i was bored most of the time, and i pretty much like any movie.
JessieSP JessieSP 7 years
I want to see it before I speak bad about it. I hope to see it this weekend.
angelinemarie angelinemarie 7 years
totally, i was very disappointedthe first one was so much better
angelinemarie angelinemarie 7 years
totally, i was very disappointed the first one was so much better
a-million-suns a-million-suns 7 years
I haven't seen the first one and am definitely not planning on seeing this one. Michael Bay is awful
Audrey1974 Audrey1974 7 years
(hit enter too soon) I went in wanting a funny action film and got it...not that bad...not great either...
Audrey1974 Audrey1974 7 years
(hit enter too soon)I went in wanting a funny action film and got it...not that bad...not great either...
Audrey1974 Audrey1974 7 years
It was very very loud, yes. I laughed. I even teared up a little...
LaLa0428 LaLa0428 7 years
I can't stand Michael Bay or his films, so I am not remotely shocked that he managed to ruin another one.
joanne_lummy joanne_lummy 7 years
I really liked the film, it was exactly what i thought it would be. Plus two and a half hours of Shia....brilliant.
nancita nancita 7 years
Two and a half hours?!?! There is no excuse for that. Sounds like Sam's mom had the right idea with the pot brownies, as they might be the only way to enjoy this movie. On second thought, I don't think even pot brownies would help.
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